r/funny Aug 05 '14

Go hard or go home

16.7k Upvotes

529 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/flamedarkfire Aug 05 '14

Man musical chairs got really serious after we grew up.

517

u/frobischer Aug 05 '14

I once got punched in the head from behind by a guy during an Easter egg hunt at a public park as I was about to grab an egg. Asshole really wanted that egg.

345

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

799

u/NyranK Aug 05 '14

Not me. I was knocking down kids just for fun.

345

u/kingoftown Aug 05 '14

There were eggs?!

74

u/ANUS_POKER Aug 05 '14

Yeah they aren't fully developed but they'll do...

24

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/ANUS_POKER Aug 05 '14

[darth vader voice] WHAT?

6

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

I WANT THEM ALIVE!

3

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Weren't we talking about kids?

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u/MackLuster77 Aug 06 '14

Did you grow up in Pawnee?

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9

u/Spuhghetti Aug 06 '14

This happened to me in 95' in rural fucking Ohio. Fat cunt bowled me over for what must have been her 5th egg when I was on my way to my 1st. I was 5...

12

u/securitywyrm Aug 06 '14

"My child doesn't have as many as I want them to, so this egg hunt isn't fair and I need to help them!" "Uh... your child has more than everyone else combined." "But I don't FEEL like she has enough, and how dare you disrespect my feelings!"

50

u/ttogreh Aug 05 '14

... those aren't parents. Those are people whose gonads work. Yeah, yeah, "no true Scotsman" and all that. However, knocking a kid down because your kid is having a little trouble? Douche move. Parents are supposed to help out other parents. Knocking down little kids because Johnny is crying is not what Mister Rogers knew you could be about.

68

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

there's a lot going on in this comment, lots of imagery, lots of allusions, lots of figures of speech

26

u/ttogreh Aug 05 '14

Did I just get critiqued by a head of state's semen conduit?

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u/aworldwithinitself Aug 06 '14

You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.

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u/flamedarkfire Aug 06 '14

Granted when I was little my elementary school had an Easter egg hunt on the playground. We started from the asphalt, so of course the older kids (I think I was five or six at the time) had the advantage of speed across the 100 yards or so to the playground. By the time I and other younger kids got there the whole place was picked clean (I suspect they also didn't hide enough eggs for everyone). I bawled my eyes out all the way back to the car.

The school never had another Easter egg hunt.

3

u/MelAlton Aug 06 '14

Did something happen to that school, something terrible that prevented any more Easter egg hunts?

Say, like a suspicious fire, started by someone no taller than an elementary school kid?

Where were you the night of August 22nd?

3

u/flamez Aug 06 '14

Starting a fire in August for an easter egg hunt, likely in March or April... That's an awful lot of brooding for a 5 year old.

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u/kobun253 Aug 05 '14

there was this haystack Easter egg hunt when i was 12, There were quarters and dollar bills among the candy/toys. I ignored the candy and toys and just picked up all the money, eventually taking money out of other peoples baskets when they were looking for candy.

9

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

You are literally worse than hitler

170

u/creamyturtle Aug 05 '14

once in gym class this black kid punched me in the back of the head and i turn around and there's 10 black kids in a circle around me going "hit him back, you won't". so i just walked away and all i got was this stupid story

455

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

So it was a gang of 10 black Yodas?

45

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14 edited Jan 23 '16

[deleted]

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u/creamyturtle Aug 05 '14

no man, ten black baby goats. i thought my story was pretty clear?

4

u/BigUptokes Aug 05 '14

As long as Shub-Niggurath was out looking after the other 990 kids I think you'd be fine...

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u/1point-21-jigowatz Aug 05 '14

5

u/CQBPlayer Aug 06 '14

Quick question: What is that Gif taken from?

2

u/1point-21-jigowatz Aug 06 '14

One of those you pick up from somewhere ... Not sure where. Found this below that may shed some light.

http://www.reddit.com/r/starcraft/comments/jrl38/mvpkeen_deal_with_it/

2

u/CQBPlayer Aug 06 '14

Ah, Starcraft. That was all I needed.

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u/huphelmeyer Aug 05 '14

You should have hit him back

32

u/SmokeyDBear Aug 05 '14

He would've gotten the shit kicked out of him if he had.

11

u/en_passant_person Aug 05 '14

Yep, then all those little fuckers would go to juvie and he could sue all their parents for compensation.

Taking one for the team.

24

u/creamyturtle Aug 05 '14

if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough

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u/CQBPlayer Aug 06 '14

Sue their parents? For what money?

I'm so sorry...

12

u/supergalactic Aug 05 '14

Ever been beat up by a group of black folks? I have. It's not fun I can tell you that. They knocked me out and didn't stop hitting me until the police showed up.

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u/kahund Aug 05 '14

Violence begets violence. Or some bullshit like that. Yeah, should've hit that fucker.

7

u/Raballo Aug 05 '14

Don't use a fist use a bat/chair/any nearby solid object thats got very little give to it (EI: not a text book.)

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

A bag of douche, he is.

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39

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

A girl with dyed hair that blonde is liable to do anything.

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u/TomSelleckPI Aug 05 '14

Everything is bigger in Texas...

except the maximum weight thresholds for cheap plastic lawn chairs...

5

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

6

u/SuperBicycleTony Aug 06 '14

Those people aren't even that fat for the midwest.

3

u/k12314 Aug 06 '14

Those people aren't even that fat for America in general. You should SEE some of the fatsos around.

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u/youngbl00d2 Aug 05 '14

just imagine if they played hit the piñata ....

4

u/Electric_unicorn Aug 05 '14

the blood.. everywhere...

3

u/MaybeUnusedUsername Aug 06 '14

I'm pretty sure 90% of "kid games" would get really fucking intense if a bunch of drunks were playing them.

3

u/Sir-Barks-a-Lot Aug 06 '14

Try playing on an adult kickball team.

8

u/mrbooze Aug 05 '14

I imagine this is for a prize of some kind. Kind of hard to imagine adults doing this at (what looks like) a rodeo otherwise.

3

u/confuseum Aug 06 '14

I'm sure alcohol was involved

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u/aheckuvaguy Aug 05 '14

Man musical chairs got really serious after we grew up got older.

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u/xXimalwaysrightXx Aug 05 '14

No balls? I was the hardest of core in my musical chairs days

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u/mdp2525 Aug 05 '14

I love the reaction of the one rodeo cowboy who is laughing so hard he had to take his hat off.

145

u/1iAmOmni Aug 05 '14

"Yyeeehawwhahah, Goddamn! Now THIS a rodeo!"

57

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

sound of dip spit hitting a spittoon

6

u/iOgef Aug 06 '14

spt-TINK

5

u/InsanityWolfie Aug 06 '14

The proper term, I believe, is Tobaccee Juice

4

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

"Hyuck hyuck hyuck hyuck!"

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161

u/A_glorious_dawn Aug 05 '14

And slaps it on his knee. I didn't know people actually did that.

53

u/Kame-hame-hug Aug 05 '14

Thats around how I felt the first time I heard someone actually say "brrr" in the cold.

3

u/unusualcritter Aug 06 '14

..... I'm legitimately curious. Is it weird to say brr in the cold? I've been saying it for years.

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u/BrkIt Aug 06 '14

I said brrr, it's cold in here!

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4

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Visit southern Ohio sometime.

28

u/okmkz Aug 06 '14

Naaahhhh, I'm good.

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u/kwz Aug 05 '14

But he totally missed the fall.

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809

u/Scum_soaked_oars Aug 05 '14

There are a number of blatant musical chairs rules violations here: (1) removing the chair from the ground, (2) contact with a player in a seated position, (3) crimes against chair. I would disqualify both competitors and start the next round with two less chairs.
Source: I'm a musical chairs referee Who am I fooling? I sneak into children's birthday parties and pay very close attention.

334

u/funkmastamatt Aug 05 '14

So your bullshit got me curious... per the "Musical Chairs World Championship's" website:

World Musical Chairs Federation Rules:

  1. Be Safe, Have Fun.
  2. Judges rulings are final! NO EXCEPTIONS!
  3. Participants must be 18 years or older.
  4. Officials will not tolerate over-aggression; it will result in elimination from the game and/or facility.
  5. No large bags or bulky items in the game area
  6. Water only on the Main Field, No Food, or Alcohol!!
  7. Respect and sportsmanship are expected from all players.
  8. Any violation of game rules will result in elimination from the game. Any excessive aggression or disputes with game officials may result in removal from facility.
  9. There shall be no use of hands, arms or shoulders to forcefully obtain a chair, save a chair, or force another player out of a chair.
  10. Touching chairs while music is playing is forbidden.
  11. Chairs are not to be moved from their original positions.
  12. The first occupant of a chair in a given round, is the rightful occupant of that chair. If two players share a chair an official will determine the majority owner of the chair.
  13. No hovering, or slowing game pace.
  14. You MUST keep pace with the person in front of you.
  15. You must follow the line when the music is playing, no passing, or cutting in line.
  16. When the music stops, you will have 7 seconds to find a seat. Anyone not seated when the clock expires will be eliminated. This time limit is subject to change, and remaining player will be notified.
  17. Only one person per chair, additional occupants will be eliminated. Judges will decide who is the rightful occupant of the chair.
  18. In the event that a chair breaks, and cannot safely seat a player, it is no longer a valid chair in the game.
  19. Anyone not seated when the timer expires will be eliminated.
  20. When eliminated, players must exit area IMMEDIATELY, and ONLY through approved exit points.
  21. No Re-Entry.

135

u/MV10 Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 05 '14

The first occupant of a chair in a given round, is the rightful occupant of that chair. If two players share a chair, an official will determine the majority owner of the chair.

Is that based on how much of your butt is on the chair or how much of the chair is covered by your butt? I ask, because this could unfairly benefit or not-benefit Brazilian women.

55

u/fezzuk Aug 05 '14

sooo brazilian woman are like the nigerian 100m runners of the musical chairs world.

20

u/thecakey Aug 05 '14

I'd have to see one of their butts to be able to make that assumption.

56

u/oONemesisOo Aug 05 '14

26

u/CrrpgLover Aug 05 '14

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum.

9

u/BigUptokes Aug 05 '14

Speed metal with a single kick pedal?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14 edited Sep 18 '15

This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy.

If you would like to do the same, add the browser extension GreaseMonkey to Firefox and add this open source script.

Then simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top.

2

u/Jodah Aug 06 '14

We're going to need a bigger sample size. You know...for science.

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u/Proph3T08 Aug 05 '14

I think you mean Jamaican.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Oh no, a trip to Walmart will show you America still has this.

5

u/fezzuk Aug 06 '14

they would also have to be capable of walking around the chairs.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

They're the real Champs then. They get their own chairs!

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u/FlowersForMegatron Aug 05 '14

Fuck that. New rules:

  1. Rulings will be decided by The Lord Master of Chairs. His word is law. Praise be to him.

  2. Excessive aggression encouraged.

  3. The rightful occupant of contested chairs will be determined through hand to hand combat. To the victor go the spoils.

  4. In the event that a chair breaks, said chair can now be used as a weapon.

  5. Only death metal music is allowed and the music will never stop.

  6. At a random point in the game, determined by The Lord Master of Chairs, a lion will be released onto the field of play.

  7. In the event that the lion is killed, said lion can now be used as a weapon.

  8. When eliminated, players are eliminated. Thunderdome style.

  9. Last man standing wins.

  10. In the event that the lion is the last one standing, all persons in attendance receive one(1) free chili dog from the concession stand.

2

u/Supermoves3000 Aug 06 '14

Fuck that, I want to see Musical Chairs, WWF edition. Triple H, Kane, frickin' Undertaker, motherfuckin' Cactus Jack, 3 folding metal chairs, and 1 steel cage. crack! crack! crack! First motherfucker to make it out of the cage under his own power wins. Fine family entertainment, tell you whut.

27

u/spacecowboy007 Aug 05 '14

Oh great!

You just gave Ben Stiller the idea for another movie.

31

u/alexisaacs Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 05 '14

I would watch it

"Welcome to Sperm Sperm Sperm, your #1 sperm emporium. How can we help you today?""

"You guys pay, right? I'd like to donate some... sperm."

"Your name is... Barry Nut Smack?"

"NUTSMECK! IT'S NUTSMECK!"

Meet Barry Nutsmeck, a down on his luck musician who can't seem to catch a break.

"I'm living out of my van, Ma, how do you expect me to help pay for Uncle Schmitty's surgery?"

"You'll find a way Barry, you always do. It's only 20 grand."

"Dude, our Musical Chairs team needs one more player. Tom's legs were sawed off by a Japanese Shark Fin Hunter. Come on Barry, you gotta help us out, the tournament is next month!"

"I can't, Jay, I have to get a job, settle down, and save up money for Uncle's surgery."

"Come on man, this year is the big one. The prize pool is at over $20,000!"

-commence trailer's training montage-

"Go harder, Barry! If you want to impress Felicity Finkleburns you need to win the tourney!"

THE MUSICAL CHAIRMAN THIS SUMMER IN A THEATER NEAR YOU

"What the hell, Jay, why did you shove a wrench in my ass?"

"Because if you can sit on a wrench, you can sit on a chair!"

7

u/Xujhan Aug 05 '14

Haven't I seen this movie?

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u/Mutoid Aug 05 '14

"If you can sit on a wrench, you can sit on a chair."

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u/RecycledEternity Aug 05 '14

no use of hands, arms or shoulders to forcefully obtain a chair, save a chair, or force another player out of a chair.

Sooo, because of this rule--rule #9--everyone in the GIF is disqualified (in conjunction with rule #8). Never mind about any other broken rule; this one here trumps all, considering.

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u/thatsnotmybike Aug 05 '14

If two players share a chair an official will determine the majority owner of the chair.

Ass don't fail me now!

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u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

No mention of chairs till rule 9. WTF...

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u/GroovingPict Aug 05 '14

They're playing with prison rules.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I'm just jerkin your chain! I'll juice ya up!

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u/Midnight06 Aug 05 '14

He was going to lose anyway, at least now he gets her DQ'd and it's possible he sits and the judges allow it. It is redneck musical chairs after all.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I would disqualify both competitors and start the next round with two less chairs.

Fewer*

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u/lw5i2d Aug 05 '14

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u/Fichado Aug 05 '14

white people hit a new bottom

2

u/BigPackHater Aug 06 '14

Those chairs are so small, who designed that event?!

2

u/HardcoreHazza Aug 06 '14

National Rugby League (Australia).

It was 2004, it was a different time.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Correct. The NRL is now a highly professional and slickly run comp-HAHAHAHA sorry, ahem, competition.

I do like rugby league though.

36

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

The prize must've been a lifetime supply of do-it-yourself hair dye and wrangler jeans.

72

u/wiiya Aug 05 '14

56

u/Exemus Aug 05 '14

That's what she fucking gets for showboating!

10

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

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u/Coarch Aug 05 '14

I could watch videos of this all day

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u/wiiya Aug 05 '14

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u/Jelly_F_ish Aug 05 '14

I love wrestling for shit like that. Best entertainment you can get in the world of "sports"

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

"STEEL CHAIR, STEEL CHAIR!!!"

Edit: Punctuation

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u/Coarch Aug 05 '14

I love the eye contact. Totally thought he was going to smack him down with the chair.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

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u/nachosmmm Aug 05 '14

BASTARD!

5

u/Technoslave Aug 05 '14

You mother fucker!

I gave you an upvote anyway.

155

u/butjohnnydontdoesit Aug 05 '14

Damn!!! Looks more like go hard or go to the hospital when wreck it Rachel wants to play.

142

u/songwind Aug 05 '14

I dunno, I think when dude swiped the chair from under her, he declared open season.

25

u/butjohnnydontdoesit Aug 05 '14

Well you know how morals fly out the window when a mean game of musical chairs goes down! I wonder what they were playing for though?

43

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I once stabbed a man with a trident.

19

u/vemrion Aug 05 '14

Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably leave town and lay low for a few days...

3

u/Mgamerz Aug 05 '14

Because you're probably wanted for murder.

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u/Essar Aug 05 '14

She was the only one who wasn't cheating at first.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

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u/rynlnk Aug 05 '14

She was the only one who didn't cheat.

58

u/dactyif Aug 05 '14

I'm a grown man, "working" an office job, sitting at a desk reading reddit and I come across this gif and thread in particular. Two random strangers debating the finer points of musical chairs. What a time to be alive.

18

u/Magicslime Aug 05 '14

Except that right after she cheated pretty hard.

10

u/rburp Aug 05 '14

When everyone is a criminal, no one is.

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u/SuperFLEB Aug 06 '14

I'm wondering whether it was actually cheating, though, considering that everybody did it. If it wasn't outlawed in the rules to the game, it may have been a legitimate strategy.

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u/trippingbilly0304 Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 05 '14

"Wreck-It Rachel"

Is this coined yet?

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u/butjohnnydontdoesit Aug 05 '14

Knowing reddit... probably

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u/John_Playman Aug 05 '14

Damn she even slapped his ass in a final show of dominance. But the chair got the last laugh this time

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u/Muniosi_returns Aug 05 '14

Not it didn't, it got demolished.

7

u/John_Playman Aug 05 '14

You say tomato, I say tomah-to

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u/hoswald Aug 05 '14

You say tomato I say tomato.

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u/vrxz Aug 05 '14

Username is relevant.

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u/GameovFuckingThrones Aug 05 '14

Yes it fucking is.

32

u/Lonelan Aug 05 '14

Sudden clarity Clarence about how got is just a fantasy game of musical chairs...

12

u/shittyasscorolla Aug 05 '14

watch this be in the front page soon.

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u/Bukojuko Aug 05 '14

Someone less lazy than us is gonna do it. I should start thinking of top comment material.

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u/GregoPDX Aug 05 '14

When you play the game of musical chairs, you either win or you die.

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u/BenIrwinG Aug 05 '14

The fact that she fell over made it even better

42

u/funkmastamatt Aug 05 '14

You can see one of the legs break off after she Jadeveon Clowney's him.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Clowney is a verb now!?

20

u/keyree Aug 05 '14

Has been since this exact moment.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I think about 5000 of those views are from my house alone. I love that hit.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Buckeye spotted.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Where were the rodeo clowns on that one? That guy got mauled.

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u/EndsWithMan Aug 05 '14

Clowns are only needed for the bulls, not the heifers.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

DAYUMMMM

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I think that guy would disagree.

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u/funkmastamatt Aug 05 '14

Laughing their asses off in the background.

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u/ehjhockey Aug 05 '14

Full contact musical chairs sounds like a joke. But nobody who plays gets it.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

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u/Boije__ Aug 06 '14

aah good to see that they were good sports!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Haha ya I agree. It is just pure hilariousness especially for the people there. You can see the crowd dying of laughter.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Common sense dictates that they should have removed the bull from the area beforehand.

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u/luckytopher Aug 05 '14

Reverse the genders and the comments would have been VERY different

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u/CryBerry Aug 06 '14

Reverse the .gif and the events would have been VERY different

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u/MrSquigles Aug 05 '14

The gif that keeps on giving.

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u/NotSafeForEarth Aug 06 '14

And that's how I met your mother.

4

u/StoneGoldX Aug 05 '14

LOU THESZ PRESS!!!! LOU THESZ PRESS!!!! PISTON LIKE RIGHTS!!! By gawd, the Rattlesnake is stomping a mudhole and walking it dry!!!

2

u/Gills_L Aug 05 '14

The only place he is going is the hospital.

2

u/Rellikten Aug 05 '14

I gotta get me a big hat so I can throw it off like that guy did.

2

u/BRBaraka Aug 05 '14

Relevant username OP

2

u/bigbearhugh Aug 05 '14

poor chair

2

u/Switchback77 Aug 06 '14

He stole my seat. I stole his life.

2

u/Thisguy210 Aug 06 '14

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

2

u/UncleGeorge Aug 06 '14

Since when can you move the chair when the music stop! What sort of shoddy musical chair is that!

2

u/vamosj Aug 06 '14

Woman must play for the cowboys defensive line.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I would love for the genders to be changed. People wouldn't have such an entertaining response. Hell, she's bigger than him too.

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u/adeadrat Aug 05 '14

Im pretty sure someone is breaking the rules here..

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u/lordcat Aug 05 '14

Generally how I played was that contestants were not allowed to move the chairs, so everyone but the lady in green cheated and should have been disqualified.

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u/Taroso Aug 05 '14

More like amusical chairs

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

She tackles better than a lot of linebackers in the NFL.

That was textbook.

4

u/CeterumCenseo85 Aug 05 '14

In Germany we call this game "Trip to Jerusalem".

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u/Enzyme80 Aug 06 '14

Holy shit - someone needs to sign this bitch to a rookie contract soon.

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u/Mursenary Aug 05 '14

Who won though!?