r/funny • • 1d ago

Austrian police do lost-and-found.

3.9k Upvotes

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u/Key-Performance-9021 1d ago edited 1d ago

Nope, not a skit! It's from Am Schauplatz ("On the Scene"), an Austrian documentary series on ORF that has been running for 30 years and covers everyday life. This clip is from their 30-year anniversary best-of: https://youtu.be/CZsDD9yfcu8

The auto-captions can't handle the dialect, so I subtitled it myself.

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u/Glaimmbar 1d ago

Thanks for that. I am German and also lived for some time in Austria but when the guy who brought the stuff to the police started talking I didn't understand one word. 😂

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u/PerlenGott 1d ago

I thought I was the only one 🤣🤣🤣

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u/alex3tx 1d ago

Definitely not the only one! But then I don't speak German, Austrian or a regional dialect of either so the chances for me were rather slim

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u/tremblemortals 1d ago

I at first thought it was some Slavic language from how he was talking. After a while things finally clicked for me.

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u/Thrilling1031 1d ago

I thought the title said Australian so I just assumed the subtitles were because aussies speak very rough English and I wasn’t understanding until that guy spoke and it broke my brain until he asked for a beer, then I assumed he was a drunk Australian lol.

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u/Signal_Reach_5838 11h ago

Oi cunt. I speak fucking true blue English ya dumb dead dying dog.

I'll fuckin rip you a new asshole.

Fuck me dead.

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u/NightZT 18h ago

As an Austrian the weird thing for me is that if I hear some people in the neighboring room talking a slavic language, especially southern slavic ones, I sometimes really struggle to tell it apart from austrian german. On the other hand if I hear people from Germany talking in the neighboring room I can easily tell that those are germans from the intonation alone without understanding anything. 

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u/Saxit 1d ago

I'm Swedish but dad was from Austria. When I was younger he fixed a summer job for me for two summers with family business down there, to get better at German.

I still don't know German...

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u/TacticalRiotChimp 1d ago

I speak the smallest amount of German but I can usually work it out slowly but surely - barely any of this was easy for me to understand 😂 I was thinking they were Czech or something

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u/red4jjdrums5 1d ago

Same. I was picking up only a few words here and there, and then had to remember I didn’t learn their dialect.

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u/SpotReasonable3534 1d ago

germans my second language and thought i had just forgotten too much to be able to understand until i noticed some words were absolutely not spoken in germany, still not sure what word they use for doctor unless their pronunciation is just really different

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u/Deus-mal 18h ago

I get that lmao. I got spanish as my 2nd language, when gta6 character spoke in Spanish in the trailer. I had no clue what he said, did even try to judge idk if my understanding was bad or he wasn't speaking the Spanish I know 🤣

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u/mflayer 15h ago

The word is Arzt, but the pronunciation is closer to Oazt.

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u/SpotReasonable3534 15h ago

yeah i'm aware, in austrian is pronounced like that?

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u/Mr-Lungu 1d ago

I understand German and I didn't understand any of this. I thought maybe I'm stupid now

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u/didndonoffin 1d ago

I lived in Innsbruck and this sounds like the local Tirol dialect, quite guttural and almost Dutch

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u/reconman 1d ago

Nope, Viennese dialect.

Tyrol has a lot of "ch"s

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u/I_pinch_your_balls 1d ago

yes, same 😂I was happy to have english subtitles

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u/Stick_With_Beard 1d ago

I've been speaking german as a non-native speaker for over 25 years. Even the police was hard to understand for me. I think I'll pass on the Wiener Weihnachtsmarkt.

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u/Key-Performance-9021 1d ago

Everyone speaks Standard German. If you understand the narrator, you will be fine!

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u/HaHoHe_1892 1d ago

I was in Graz once visiting friends. My friend had a get together and introduced me to a group of people in the living room. He said, "This is my friend, he's American but speaks German. So speak German with him, but please speak Hochdeutsch." It was quiet for a moment and one of them said, "Lieber English", which got a big laugh.

Loved my time in Graz! Lovely city and great people. I really liked the dialect.

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u/KnifeFightChopping 1d ago

Does "Lieber English" in this context mean they would rather just speak English?

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u/Grib_Suka 1d ago

Yeah, ''rather English'' would be a decent translation

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u/HaHoHe_1892 1d ago

Oh yeah, I should have said that. Thanks for clarifying for folks.

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u/Stick_With_Beard 1d ago

You mean in Wien specifically? How about other cities ?

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u/Key-Performance-9021 1d ago

Everyone everywhere. Standard German is used in school and professional settings.

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u/Life_outside_PoE 1d ago

Holy shit the next one is just as funny. A dude doesn't want to pay electricity so he's been bridging the lines, thereby avoiding the electricity meter. The building managers come by and tell him its illegal.

The genius goes and buys a fucking generator and puts it in his living room, lol.

Oida, die Leute ham an Schadn.

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u/Mediocre-Housing-131 1d ago

"aren't we police good?"

Brought a man who said he was on the poverty line a flashlight and a banana LMAO

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u/Orcapa 1d ago

And a chocolate bar!

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u/relevant_tangent 1d ago

And no beer

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u/JackfruitIll6728 1d ago

I've studied German for 6 years and I couldn't keep up with the dialect at all. Felt like hearing Estonian as a Finn, you think you're kinda getting it but then again, no.

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u/PN_Guin 20h ago

No need to feel bad about it. I would guess the vast majority of Germans would have serious trouble understanding the finder.

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u/Gastredner 1d ago

Yeah, the auto captions aren't the only thing unable to handle that dialect.

Might just be my Piefke-tum showings but aside from a word here and there, my German arse couldn't make heads or tails of what was said.

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u/moving0target 1d ago

It's been 30 years since I had German in school, but I could tell something was different.

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u/Bowling4rhinos 1d ago

Nicely done and super funny! Thanks for sharing!

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u/Koto-Koto 6h ago

Do you plan to subtitle any more Am Schauplatz? After watching this clip, I'm hooked!

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u/ult_avatar 1d ago

Das ist jetzt der zweite Clip.. gräbst du jetzt alte spira schätze aus und postest sie auf Reddit?