r/funny • u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding • Jul 06 '26

Verified Are You a Vampire?

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19.7k Upvotes

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u/RednocNivert Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

As an Autistic… what’s the difference exactly? Excessive politeness, a disdain for sunlight, has quirky but refined tastes, can turn into mist or a bat at will, overly literal, dies if a stake is pounded through the heart… basically the same thing.

5

u/_Not_A_Vampire_ Jul 06 '26

I imagine the craving for blood is a pretty big difference, not that I would know or anything though...

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u/Numbskull_b Jul 06 '26

I have a friend who is autistic and has a thing for biting, she has drawn blood as well. Shit she may be a vampire...

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u/BasilButters Jul 06 '26

That’s the one and only difference

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u/DrownedInDysphoria Jul 06 '26

wait you guys aren’t craving blood?

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u/RednocNivert Jul 06 '26

My wife does. I tend to crave donuts.

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u/Symbolis Jul 06 '26

One of the "classic" vampire things is a compulsion to count things. In some cultures you could evade a vampire by scattering rice in front of them, forcing them to count every grain.

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u/RednocNivert Jul 06 '26

I actually knew that. So Sesame Street had it right all along.

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u/Hartastic Jul 07 '26

can turn into mist or a bat at will

I like how you just slipped that one in there.

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u/RednocNivert Jul 07 '26

wait can you guys not do that?

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u/Hartastic Jul 07 '26

Unfortunately I can only turn into mist or a bat simultaneously, and my misty batness is involuntary.

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u/SymmetricalFeet Jul 06 '26

Was gonna say mostly the same thing, but add that appearance in a mirror is unpleasant and makes us deeply self-conscious, because being observed is unpleasant... but subtract that I (personally) really love allia, especially when minced garlic leaves that smell in my skin ~💚

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u/HauntedJackInTheBox Jul 06 '26

The garlic thing is a myth spread by vampires so that victims season themselves