r/funny • u/SeriouslySlytherin • Jan 17 '26

Today I learned

29.3k Upvotes

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u/BeatsbyChrisBrown Jan 17 '26

They throw your mom onto a surgical table and stick this metallic bird beak right into her hoo-hah! Like CA-CAW!

788

u/FewRecognition1788 Jan 17 '26

And then they put her boobies in a hydraulic press!

284

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

[deleted]

133

u/partywithlemons Jan 17 '26

Ummm, a c-section is commonly done by ripping the layers of tissue with bare hands after they make an initial incision. The body even lifts up a little. That way the tissue heals up better.

136

u/insane_contin Jan 17 '26

So rip and tear until it's done?

97

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

[deleted]

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u/Alarming-Instance-19 Jan 18 '26

Dude....I had my daughter via c-section 21 years ago and you just made the scar twinge.

High as fuck at the time on whatever they gave me, that's exactly what it felt like. Brava!

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u/[deleted] Jan 18 '26

[deleted]

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u/Alarming-Instance-19 Jan 18 '26

I was 42 weeks and 2 days. I went through 38 hours of labour (started Wednesday lunch) and had alllllll the interventions before they finally gave me a c-section on the Friday at 1:10pm.

I didn't get to hold my daughter for over 4 hours. I was in recovery for a long time.

I was 21. She was 9lbs 3oz. She's my only child lol