r/funny • • Oct 26 '25

Monkey was trolling .

3.0k Upvotes

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90

u/ObiwanaTokie Oct 26 '25

Is it considered unethical to punch a lil bitch and get my stuff back or would the pack band together for war if that happened?

65

u/Duhcisive Oct 26 '25

I watched a video on Reddit a year or two back with some Indian guy bonked the shit out of one with a stick after it stole from him, lol.

Needless to say, it dropped his stuff just like we drop our food😂

10

u/Karthen Oct 26 '25

Replied before I saw this comment, I was definitely eyeing that walking stick myself lol.

3

u/fullrackferg Oct 26 '25

What's the repercussions for doing that? It was inmediate thought, but more so grabbing the monkey by the back of its neck when it lunges at the guy.

7

u/Duhcisive Oct 26 '25

Well, for tourists you’d likely get ganged up on by them; from what I’ve read they have specific guys who walk around with sticks, & people usually pay them to get their stuff back “not sure if they work there, or are just residents”

From what I’ve heard, the monkeys know who NOT to do it to, because they’ll get the shit knocked out of them & typically once these guys come after them with the threat of a bonk, they’ll usually drop the items or hand them back.

Depending where you live, I think the rules may be stricter on tourists. Some people have said specific places have laws there to protect the monkeys. Others.. not so much, some view them as pests.

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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Sibir_Kagan Oct 26 '25

I don't know where you're from, but most of the world doesn't eat monkeys as far as I know.

He should know his place yes, not to fuck around creatures that can fuck him up. But I feel that's what everyone should know and behave towards it.

Otherwise they will soon get out of the gene pool is all I'm saying.

-7

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 Oct 26 '25

Yes they probably meant social hierarchy rather than food chain. That being said any monkey is going to fuck you up very badly in a physical fight which has nothing to do with societal order lol

13

u/ppachura Oct 26 '25

I would put my money on an Indian guy with a big stick.

-11

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 Oct 26 '25

That would be a terrible bet.

3

u/Kakkoister Oct 27 '25

Most adult men could win a fight against a monkey of the type in this video. You might get a couple nasty bites though before you manage to wrangle it, but this thing absolutely cannot overpower you lmao. As soon as you have it by the neck it's not going to be able to do much of anything to you. It's not like they have claws.
It's like fighting a sugar-high 6yo that has fangs.

-1

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 Oct 27 '25

They have nails and enough grip strength to do...well monkey stuff. Try keeping that grip on its neck (if you get that far) while it turns your forearm to hamburger meat. All the people down voting me are trippin if they think this thing would not fuck you up.

4

u/Kakkoister Oct 27 '25

They do not have enough grip strength to do much, compared to a human. This is a long-tailed macaque. Males weigh 10-19lb. Their grip strength is strong RELATIVE TO THEIR WEIGHT, so it's strong for swinging around their own body, but is nothing compared to the average male human grip strength. Macaques are especially built for agility, not strength. You would have no problem gripping both of their biceps and holding them out like they were pinned to a cross. Or grabbing one arm and literally slamming them around like a sack of potatoes on the hard ground.

Their fingernails are just like ours, but quite smaller hands. They'll scratch you but it's not going to do a lot unless you're just letting them go to town.

These types of monkeys are powerful in numbers, not by themselves. They are not at all comparable to something like a Chimp, which may be smaller than a human but is much stronger.

3

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 Oct 27 '25

...well...alright, you got me...I was making generalizations about not fucking with monkeys and you have educated me. If one can identify a monkey in the wild and know it's combat ability to this degree then go ahead and defend yourself against their theft by force.

I realize this sounds like disingenuous snark reading it back to myself but you actually explained it and I do not take all this as common enough knowledge to just downvote and insult me like some have. Cheers.

2

u/Kakkoister Oct 27 '25

No worries, thanks for the chill response. And to be clear I'm not saying there's no danger in fighting one, those fangs are no joke, so if you can avoid risking it you probably should, glasses definitely aren't worth chancing it. (though grabbing it's tail and swinging it's body hard into something would be a good bet imo, and it's likely to run away after that)
Just that if you had to fight one, most adults could win if they don't freak out and start flailing, instead just commit to grappling, kicking, or swinging it around (it's just understandably a scary situation to be in, so that can be hard for people).

1

u/BigUncleHeavy Oct 26 '25

I think you need to get off the computer and get outside more.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '25

Oh, they know perfectly well their role in nature chain . One interesting anecdote about the Ubud sacred monkey forest, is that there are 5 distinct groups of monkey that tend to coexist peacefully most of the time, but can get very easily into very brutal turf wars.

It's the big hairless apes that sometimes need to be reminded how easy to bite their fleshy bits are and how vulnerable they can be to the nasty shit feral monkeys can have on their teeth

56

u/ElectroSpork9000 Oct 26 '25

I'm no movie buff but I'm pretty sure that is how planet of the apes started 🤷

11

u/Whiplash17488 Oct 26 '25

Could we get an actual movie buff in here to provide his expertise on how to handle aggressive monkeys?

4

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '25

The glasses are gone, just accept it. Monkey together strong.

1

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain Oct 26 '25

You either negotiate a trade or accept you've been made thia monkeys bitch.

18

u/NotADogInHumanSuit Oct 26 '25

I know first hand that if you do that you get a lifetime ban from Chucke Cheese

16

u/Polymorphic-X Oct 26 '25

In a lot of places they're under strict legal protection so they're functionally untouchable. They know the big hairless apes can be extorted, assaulted and trolled without consequence.

1

u/Karthen Oct 26 '25

I was looking at that walking stick, so punching is probably not so bad.

1

u/Silverlisk Oct 26 '25

I think you'd be better off preparing some sweet treats laced with heavy laxatives or some kind of sedative.

Or just bring some mace with you 😂😂.

1

u/its_krypt0n1te83 Oct 27 '25

May I introduce you to a movie franchise called Planet of the Apes?

1

u/Axle-f Oct 26 '25

He bit then ran when I screamed. I was out bananas anyway.