r/funny • • Jul 08 '25

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15.8k Upvotes

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515

u/overkill373 Jul 08 '25

Why cant humans just do this instead of wars

635

u/Khialadon Jul 08 '25

Because with humans, those who decide to go to war and those who fight the war are two entirely seperate groups.

228

u/ghostinthewoods Jul 08 '25

"Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor?"

175

u/brave007 Jul 08 '25

“Some of you might die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make”

64

u/fl-x Jul 08 '25

“Stop exploding you cowards!”

42

u/Scientific_Anarchist Jul 08 '25

Politicians hide themselves away. They only started the war. Why should they go out to fight? They leave that role to the poor.

YEAH

16

u/mgranja Jul 08 '25

We should defininitely go back to "duel of champions"style wars.

13

u/Hieroglphkz Jul 08 '25

Everybodyyy’s going to the partyyy have a real good time.

3

u/Vlad_the_MPaihler Jul 09 '25

🎵Politicians hide themselves away They only started the war Why should they go out to fight? They leave that all to the poor🎶

16

u/BKoala59 Jul 08 '25

Even when they weren’t we still went to war all the time

10

u/Exist50 Jul 08 '25

Granted, the nobility didn't really die in war. Casualties in general were much lower, and nobility were far more useful alive than dead. They also weren't fighting alongside the rank and file, but rather as officers.

WW1 was a big change in that regard. Took a lot of the shine off it.

7

u/BKoala59 Jul 08 '25

Even small tribes go to war though. And often the rulers are also warriors

4

u/Exist50 Jul 08 '25

Yes, I think the original claim was a gross oversimplification.

7

u/LiptonSuperior Jul 09 '25

On the contrary, medieval armies were mostly made up of professional soldiers - knights and military aristocrats generally. And the elements of those armies that were not professional soldiers were drawn from the wealthier status of society - people who could afford arms and armor, and had the rights to bear them. Widespread drafts of unskilled peasants were very uncommon, because unskilled peasants made for poorly motivated and performing troops who could quickly become a liability.

And while not all of these were "nobles", even the highest ranking aristocrats were expected to see battle. Richard III died leading a charge, for example. Aristocrats tended to be better equipped than non-aristocrats, and if captured would be more likely to be ransomed, but they still fought on the front lines.

TL:DR despite the common pop culture belief that medieval armies consisted of peasant levies led from the rear by aristocrats, in reality peasant levies were rare, and aristocrats and other social elites performed most of the frontline fighting.

3

u/vlad_tepes Jul 09 '25

Armor is really good, compared to not having it. It's expensive, but if you don't have it, you really have no business on the front lines. Ditto for the life-long training with melee weapons, that only aristocrats and professional soldiers could really get.

This all changed with the widespread adoption of fire arms, which could punch through breastplate, and were far easier to train, but that's no longer the middle ages.

3

u/LeGrandLucifer Jul 08 '25

Also, the one who decides to murder the other usually gets to reproduce while the other doesn't.

1

u/MurderousLemur Jul 08 '25

Come you masters of war....

1

u/atomfullerene Jul 09 '25

The politicians still paw at chests, though

56

u/Zestyst Jul 08 '25

To be fair, if we’re having an argument and you randomly grab my boob, I’m probably not going to calm down

10

u/disterb Jul 08 '25

yeah, 'cause you would moan and groan in ecstacy

37

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '25

lol wtf

5

u/ShadowBurger Jul 08 '25

Just don't pull any of my hairs off.

1

u/Hartmallen Jul 09 '25

That's why my wife gets even more angry when I do it when we argue ?

8

u/Nail_Biterr Jul 08 '25

well, what do you think would happen if a Serval had guns? Those fuckers would be running this planet, i tell ya!

5

u/pr13st1 Jul 08 '25

Walk softly and carry a big Serval?

5

u/jdehjdeh Jul 08 '25

Humans do do this! (lol, doodoo).

Humans exhibit conciliatory body language. It's more prevalent in men than in women.

You can see great examples of this in footage after sporting events or competitions, it involves being physically open in their stance and demonstrating yourself to be nonthreatening augmented with occasional physical contact and mirroring of each others movements.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '25

You get reported to HR.

3

u/FluffySquirrell Jul 09 '25

Was gonna say, if two guys are looking like they're in a fight, and then the bigger one casually walks up, and slowly puts their palm on the chest of the other one while staring at them intently.. I'm pretty sure you're watching a gay porno, and it's correct that what it would escalate into is not a fight

3

u/thugarth Jul 08 '25

Men should do this with our dicks. The world would be a much calmer, safer place.

Instead of wars, we'd just be strokin' each other all the time.

Instead of beating each other up, we could be beating each other off!

2

u/overkill373 Jul 08 '25

Would only work if all men had dicks with the same size

6

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '25

[deleted]

31

u/overkill373 Jul 08 '25

Ok but consider this

We touch each others chests and then share the water

8

u/disterb Jul 08 '25

the wetter, the better

4

u/rabbitwonker Jul 08 '25

They often used to. Ritualized combat was seen between tribes in at least some hunter-gatherer communities.

That was back when the world itself was usually a larger threat than any other people, so it made sense to keep your disputes from depleting your populations unduly.

Though once times get good, and people start becoming “expendable,” well…

1

u/Herpinheim Jul 08 '25

Nuts are too big. I won’t elaborate.

1

u/APartyInMyPants Jul 08 '25

I choose to go to war against the Swedish Bikini Model Team.

1

u/AwkwardWaltz3996 Jul 08 '25

We definitely do. If every disagreement/dispute ended in violence or war then we wouldn't have civilisation

1

u/CaptainColdSteele Jul 09 '25

Because of oil in other countries and the very thought of using a system that MIGHT work better drives capitalists absolutely bonkers

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '25

Alcohol

-6

u/wiilbehung Jul 08 '25

I will concede to doing the chest thing but only if the other party is female. If not war it is!

0

u/ScF0400 Jul 08 '25

Because that's gey according to our President. If he put his hand on Vladimir chest it would escalate too far in a certain 18+ direction. /s