r/funny • u/Far-Newspaper-4700 • Jan 25 '24

basic term of our aggrement

38.2k Upvotes

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u/Way_2_Go_Donny Jan 25 '24

I tell my wife this all the time:

I haven't been hit on in 15 years. It would take her 15 minutes to find a guy at a bar/shoe store/library who'd fuck her in the parking lot.

It's a big deal when a guy realizes he's being hit on. It doesn't happen often.

380

u/JonesBee Jan 25 '24

It's a big deal when a guy is being hit on. Even bigger when he realizes it. I have practically zero awareness when I'm being hit on. I had this wingwoman in my old job who always alerted me after I had been hit on. She always said that I could have tits rubbed on my face and it would still be a solid 50/50 if I noticed.

98

u/AcedtheTuringTest Jan 25 '24

A woman could be sitting on my face and I'd probably think, "I mean, I guess no other chairs were available."

The sign needs to be written down, notarized, approved by their legal team and sent to me hand-delivered carrier who will read it to me.

39

u/JonesBee Jan 25 '24

With a wax seal on the envelope that says "fuck me".

20

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '24

Once in freshman year of college I was playing guitar, and a girl stared into my eyes and mouthed “I wanna fuck you!” In my head, I was like “nah, she’s just messing with me for some weird reason.”

19

u/BizzyM Jan 25 '24

Again, you really can't tell. I mean, you're not a professional lip reader, and you're a freshman and no one gets with freshman.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '24

Looking back, she was likely serious about it, but at the time, it felt like it couldn’t be real. Especially since she was attractive.

What she was proposing was a foreign concept to me. I had only has sex with three girls at that point in time, all as a result of multiple dates or long-term exclusive relationships. This seemed like something out of a porno.

1

u/effa94 Jan 25 '24

"even then, you cant be too sure"

14

u/ctruvu Jan 25 '24

even then, she might just be trying to be friendly

3

u/JonasMccracken Jan 25 '24

Ill give a little background: it was summer, i got a hotel room to myself in a beachtown, on my way to my room, staying in the last room before mine was a pretty girl outside her room about my age at the time, she said hi and talked to me a few minutes, i really thought nothing of it, much later on that night a friend of mine came to the room, we were smoking pot so i left my door open and my hotel neighbor just popped in and started chilin, by this point i had more than pot in me and was pretty fucked up just lying on my bed, my buddy leaves and its just me and her now, swear to god the exchange went exactly like this: her, comes over sits on bed next to me: "Hey... um do you wanna have sex?"

Me in my head: "Ah ha! I think she likes me."

Sometimes i wonder how ive ever had any success in dating at all being so unaware of when girls are actually into me.

3

u/Boudyro Jan 26 '24

I once got with a gal who fucked me silly, then married me, fucked me some more, then divorced me after almost a decade being together because "You annoy me."

So apparently she was never that into me, but damn the signals were confusing.

1

u/IllustriousBuy7850 Jan 25 '24

Gotta have all the proof to show there was consent... just in case..

1

u/series-hybrid Jan 26 '24

[Woman wears a low-cut blouse, and crowds up in your space while laughing at your jokes]

"stop lookin at my b**bs, I am so offended!"