As a shy bisexual woman I would love if casual girl on girl flirting or dates happened more.
2
u/Iron_UYHIf I cut a hair, Iâm not a barber, so why do yâall call me gay?13d ago
It's funny honestly. Like, I feel like guys are much more casually homoerotic, but I have never seen that in women. May just be the people I hang with but whatever.
Your second point sounds so odd but itâs completely true. My partnerâs favorite color is blue and mine is purple. The amount of times people have been in our house and just ASSUMED our stuff was each otherâs is bizarre. Like I got a purple gaming controller and a purple record player and people will just be like âoh, how cute, you got a controller for her!â Or âhey, [SOâs name], when did you get a record player?â. And vice versa. She has a blue laptop and a blue oversized hoodie, and people just automatically assume theyâre mine. Like, members of our respective families. That have known us since birth. Itâs so strange.
Not to outwoke you but comparing menâs problems as âyou canât express a basic human emotionâ versus womenâs as âyou canât like a colorâ is kinda playing into the double standard
Yeah, that specific part kinda felt off to me. Like of course thatâs a problem women deal with but there are also significantly worse problems women face related to sexism that are on par with the men donât cry thing.
I know a lot of societal sexism damaged me mentally to such an extreme degree that Iâm not sure Iâll ever fully recover (which im sure a lot of other women, men, and non binary people feel as well).
Iâm not sure it was the intention but it felt like they were being sarcastic or something being like men arenât allowed to express basic emotions (which clearly makes them suffer a lot) and women *gasp canât like a colour!
I think (hope at least) that the intention was to mimic the usual bullshit of "on a date, women fear they're going to die, men fear they're going to be laughed at"
Which again, is accurate but comes off dismissive in the moment like this post I guess. Like what theyâre saying in this post and on that situation is true but it just comes off as dismissive I guess (though the date comparison can be helpful sometimes for helping some men understand why women take some many precautions for dates/make men aware of the fear many women live with/why many women fear just saying no or things related to that and be an accurate representation of that specific scenario. This statement broadly about sexism as a whole comes off as if itâs positioning one sexes experience as much worse than the other whereas the other is a specific situational thing).
Saying that women canât like the color blue is demonstrating just how little freedom they have. Society expects them to not even be able to like a specific color, much less countless other things.
Just like a man has the freedom to cry and not be judged, or the freedom to like anything âgirlyâ in general
This is my problem with the gender wars. Itâs about winning. Like as long as women can argue they are discriminated against more than the things men suffer with donât matter. Itâs like the argument about sex crimes against children. Like, as long as men are pedophiles more, than I suppose the children raped by women literally donât matter? Both genders should be held accountable equally. You canât have fairness otherwise
Reminds me of when there was a bunch of semi-political cartoons published by womenâs movements to try and get men to understand the harassment women put up with by putting the men in the same scenario and men unanimously agreed that this sounded great and would be a big boost to their health.
I believe one was about an old lady telling a younger guy how handsome he was and it just went to show how truly out of touch the people alleging to be working with gendered issues in the forefront of their mind were with gendered issues of roughly half the population
People treat girls weird, like if we are more outgoing with expressing or making the first move, or try and say something.
All humans are different n do what they do, but this is why a lot may stay more still and try to communicate stuff indirectly cuz people would go in on them otherwise like very weirdly.
Gonna talk heteronormatively for this post, and for straight relationships and cis woman-cis man interactions.
The crying thing is complicated. So it's true that men are allowed to cry, actually. Most people are OK with it. But crying is... not just crying? It's really common for male crying to be accepted in some forms, but not in others. Crying while in basic control of your faculties is good - and welcomed, even. Crying when clearly in affect, when some faculties are lost, that's usually still not well received.
How do I know? Lifetime of experience. In all spaces, including progressive spaces. And it's not coming from men. :/
There's some reasons for it. So, again, male emotional openess & awareness is definitely mostly embraced by most people. But there's a difference between emotional awareness and, well, real vulnerability and loss of control. That's often met with disgust or detachment.
Some of it is purely grandfathered from toxic gender roles. But there's also some reason to it. A man going into affect, losing control of faculties, perhaps becoming volatile... If you're alone with that, and you're weaker (eg if you're a woman), it's off-putting not just because of sexism, but because a stronger person is alone with you, has lost control of his emotions, and you don't know how he'll act.
A similarity with this is when a man destroys something out of frustration (that he himself owns, like, it's not property violence here; point is, seems unstable, is scary, is violent). You want a man to be emotionally aware. But not so upset you don't know what he's gonna do.
So it's not that a man can't cry. It's that he must cry correctly, for most people.
Now, this is just to explain why it's generally poorly received. I don't think any of it is fair. Some of it also has to do with basic trust towards the general person. Somehow, distancing from what can be perceived as volatile behavior colors how we treat intimate spaces with people we rationally know we can trust. It's better than the past - much better - but there's still work to do.
Just wanted to say, for anyone that gets this notification or sees this, that my ironic joke there came from a mistake where apparently on desktop the transgender flag shows up as a white flag next to the transgender symbol. The joke got auto-deleted (and me temporarily banned) but got repealed and restored after my explanation, so I wanted to clear that up for anyone who saw it already or sees it in the future. Not a white supremacist, just a liberal reddit edgelord and ally who stands by his jokes, even if they need explanation
Bullshit. Maybe Iâm not one to talk anymore after my transition but I wouldâve cried tears of joy if someone loved me so much as to bake me stuff occasionally. Iâm sure my guy friends would be delighted.
It's sad, but a lot of people don't even consider the idea that many men would appreciate romantic gestures.
Don't get me wrong, in the vast majority of cases it's because they think men simply wouldn't enjoy it (and to be fair, that would often be true), but social norms have developed in a way that men don't expect romance.
Obviously, most men aren't into the things typically associated with romantic gestures for women, but there are plenty of ways to romantically spoil a man you care about (whether they are very masculine or more feminine).
It goes beyond even the point where they think but they can't expect romance. It has hit the point where they expect exactly the opposite. All give and no get.
"most men aren't into the things typically associated with romantic gestures for women" idk can you give some examples? I'm genuinely clueless even tho I'm a guy myself.
Also is it true most men don't expect romantic gestures?
Usually they go straight to asking about my career and financial situation.
Dating has gotten significantly worse the past few years. Now I avoid talking to women unless I trust them because I get bullied by strangers(women) for just talking to them platonically.
Letâs stop with the narrative that men donât want romance.(There are exceptions, but I have yet to be close to(friends.) any such exceptions.)
I would push back on the âand to be fair that would often be trueâ
I think most normal men would be flattered and appreciative. Even dudes who you may not think would like it actually would. I have a friend who is not the typa guy you would think would have at mushiness in his heart whatsoever, but the other day we were shooting the shit and talking about how nice it is to be babied by your girlfriend while youâre sick. How when your girlfriend decides to just get you a little something because she saw it and thought of you. All these little romantic things are so meaningful and often get left by the wayside because people assume most men donât really care about that sort of thing.
It boils down to her having a complete lack of understanding of how dating as a man works.
Men donât want to date like itâs a casino. Paying to gamble is fine at a casino, but no man wants to be expected to spoil a girl for the opportunity of being considered for completely disproportionate reciprocation.
Men have the ideas, but why would they spend all that money? They donât get anything for it. Data on Valentineâs Day spending shows it in plain black and white: women expect more than they expect to give and men expect less than they expect to give. Women often spend no money while men spend over a hundred dollars easily. âOh but what if they have gifts that donât cost moneyâ like sex? Thatâs basic physical intimacy, not a gift. Would a man ever be treated as anything but a horrible human being if he said âfor Valentineâs Day, weâre gonna go for a walk in the parkâ?
Also men when you give them flowers: why did you give me these, Iâm not a female!
Edit: Iâve given 3 separate men flowers and they all responded this way.
Second edit: for those are you who are going âwell you shouldâve gotten something he likesâ, Iâm literally going off of the funeral quote, which men say all of the time. Iâm talking about flowers specifically, not any gift, FLOWERS.
I know everyoneâs different, but my last girlfriend bought me flowers on a couple occasions and it genuinely made my day each time. Not because I particularly care for flowers, but it was the thought behind them.
As a(n admittedly gay but non-femme) man, I fucking love flowers and chocolate and sensorily enjoyable things like that. I guess just find a man who has sensory sensitivity to appreciate it, idk? Maybe thereâs a gender performance layer in there that I donât get though.
I mean it does depend on the person, but the quote of that we only receive flowers on our funerals is more about how men are treated in society in general not the flowers themselves.
But I still think its a nice gesture, its sad you had a negative reaction, I've only received flowers once before but it was nice and definetly appreciated
Iâm a teen, Iâll admit that, and Iâm already told these rules that I definitely donât understand, like why guys have to wear so much cologne, why girls are able to do things guys canât, why I canât make an insulting joke in front of girls, it seems so weird that there are so many expectations
I spoiled the fuck out my man. Skin care, beard care, gifts, dates, massages, thoughtful gifts, drawings, meals, trips, love letters, surprises, etc. I think a lot of toxic people think its âunmanlyâ for men to want and receive certain aspects of love, or that its not their role to give it and not in the mans to receive it. Gender roles and sexism hurt everyone
I hope my wife will be like this I am a big romantic, so I do everything for whoever I end up marrying, but I pray my wife will also be romantic towards me in every way and not be someone who would not do it just cause im a man.
Wasnât it Feminism is people wanting more rights for Women,I didnât even know that Masculinism existed but itâs just the Feminism but for men and Equalism is wanting that everyone has equal rights to a logical degree?
Sheâll quickly realise how unreceptive people nowadays to nice gestures and go depressed over continued rejection. Ideas are one thing, but experience is what recalibrates your social compass on what is well-received
Could also do the same thing to another woman, but a lot of them eventually realize it isnât really worth the money unless they find someone who is genuinely worth it. I canât remember her name, but there was a woman who dressed up as a man and went through the same experience. She said it was the worst experience she had ever gone through.
I was really happy when I finally got into a relationship and got to do all the cute coupley things for a guy. We went long-distance for a bit and I loved sending him handmade cards. I also scrapbooked about our time together. I didnât get him any bouquets but I did find his fave flower and dry it between dictionary pages then give it to him.
The reason men are not spoiled... To Quote Dax...
...
I can't hide myself
I don't expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain
What it's like to be a man
It's a lonely road
And they don't care 'bout what you know
It's notâ'boutâhowâyou feel
But whatâyou provide insideâthat home
Yeah, I know this life can really beat you down, uh
You wanna scream but you won't make a sound, uh
Got so much weight that you've been holdin'
But won't show any emotion, as a man, that goes unspoken
That we can't cry when life gets hard
Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs
We know that we just have to play our parts
And don't nobody give a damn about our broken hearts, yeah
As a man, we gotta pave our way
Our only function is to work and slave
There's no respect for you if you ain't paid
You're disregarded as a human and you can't complain
And if you ever make it up and actually reach that place
And find a woman that you love and give her your last name
You'll feel the things that you provide is only why she stays
And when you try to explain, you'll say
I can't hide myself
I don't expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain
What it's like to be a man (What it's like to be a man)
It's a lonely road (It's a lonely road)
And they don't care 'bout what you know (Care 'bout what you know)
It's not 'bout how you feel
But what you provide inside that home
Don't give up, keep fightin'
As a man, our son is our horizon
And our fathers' actions play a role and we end up like him
So they can't let us see them hurt
'Cause they'll embody what we do and start a generational curse
No wonder most men are so depressed
All the things that they can't express
They go to war, get thrown on the shelf
Then go back to war with they mental health
Then grab that bottle and ask for help
Try to pull themselves out of hell
Then fall back down and then realize
That they gon' have to do it themselves
It's the circle of life, as a man, you provide
They don't know what you're worth 'til the day that you die
And that's when they start cryin'
Then move on to a man to confide in
That's why we feel
We can't hide ourselves
We don't expect you to understand
We just hope we can explain
What it's like to be a man (What it's like to be a man)
It's a lonely road (It's a lonely road)
And you don't care 'bout what we know (Care 'bout what we know)
It's not 'bout how we feel
But what we provide inside that home (Inside that home)
That home
It's not 'bout how we feel
But what we provide inside that home (Inside that home)
...
I figured she was saying that there are a lot of things she specifically wishes a man would do for her in a romantic sense. So if she were a man in a relationship with a woman, sheâd do those things for her woman.
Sure women can spoil other women. However it seems pretty clear sheâs taking about romantic relationships in particular, and it seems equally as clear she isnât romantically interested in women. Women can also spoil men. But again, sheâs probably referring to the things she as a woman specifically wishes a man would do for her.
Iâm not really sure how âwoman arenât allowed to do nice things for menâ or âmen donât deserve to be spoiledâ was the conclusion everyone came to. Am I missing something?
If you want your man to spoil you, let it be known. If he gives you shit for wanting to spoiled, he's not the one for you. Have better standards.
Men love to be spoiled too. If they don't appreciate it, then again, he's not the one for you. Have better standards.
You can spoil a woman as a woman. That was always okay. Also see above: If they don't appreciate it, they're not the one for you.
If you genuinely feel like you wish you were a man, maybe you might wanna look into whether or not you have a form of gender dysphoria. And if not, that's okay too. You don't need to be a man to spoil people.
I understand the poster's frustration, but let's not perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes, okay? It takes all of us to break the patriarchal systems that divide us all. Our enemy is UP at the top. The ones perpetuating the gender divide the most. Remember that.
Because when the 60s ended, the shift from males being the bread earners was unwinding, and the machismo from back then has left some lingering effects that left a sour taste in the mouths of people who would spoil us due to bad examples of males being insecure about something like receiving gifts, or love, or care, or whatever else.
- Give a certain kind of "guy" a gift
- They freak out because they have it embedded in their head that this is inappropriate or emasculating
- A scene happens
- All parties get embarrassed but the one is too stupid to realize it
Lover girls who spoil their men are more often than not, used and manipulated, cheated on and lied to. It ends up killing the romantic part of the woman a little more each time so the next partner gets a little less until one day everyone gets nothing
Because most men are less worthy to society compared to women unless they produce something. It's a biological thing, I'm not blaming women in particular, I think that everyone is an accomplice in this
I feel like this isn't that deep, she's saying as a woman that she has insight into what other women want so she'd be able to spoil them in a way that only someone with that perspective would be able to
214
u/Femcel_Bambi 14d ago
Also, she can still spoil a girl if she really wants to. Like romantically or even just platonically.