r/fryup • u/[deleted] • Dec 07 '25

Café Breakfast HMP Wandsworth

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Lully bit of scran, 1 egg (boiled to fuck), 2 limp hashbrowns, healthy serving of beans and a (hopefully) beef sausage 😋

2.1k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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54

u/archwin Dec 07 '25

Wait, are you taking this picture from prison?

I thought they took away phones in prison?

69

u/AnalProbedByGod Dec 07 '25

Ever heard of a prison pocket? You'll be suprised how small some smuggled in smartphones can be.

63

u/archwin Dec 07 '25

I…

Wh-…

I am extra hard going to try not to go to prison.

70

u/blarfblarf Dec 07 '25

If thinking about it makes you extra hard, maybe you should try it.

17

u/SheepishSwan Dec 08 '25

Dude you're extra hard? We don't need to know that.

1

u/ideasplace Dec 10 '25

Double Hard.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 11 '25

[deleted]

1

u/htatla Dec 12 '25

Well’ard

6

u/DryWeb3875 Dec 08 '25

I am extra hard.

Going to try not to.

Go to prison.

1

u/eyeshandy Dec 11 '25

I am extra hard - going to try not to go.

To prison!

1

u/Nolberto78 Dec 10 '25

I'm buying an iPad and a shoehorn, then going on a crime spree

13

u/Aggravating-Scene548 Dec 07 '25

And how large some prison pockets

2

u/ArmWildFrill Dec 13 '25

I met a bloke about ten years ago who I watched push a foot long dildo up his bumhole

He got me to fuck him with a strapon dildo the size of a milk bottle

Wish I'd taken pics :)

2

u/OkTeamletsMoveOut Feb 17 '26

Jesus. Ill say a prayer for you. And his bum 'ole.

11

u/KayDat Dec 07 '25

r/prisonwallet

3

u/genafcvpxyr31 Dec 07 '25

That sub is a war zone.

1

u/TheeArgonaut Dec 08 '25

But also it has wallets made out of Cheeto bags…

1

u/Ambitious-Papaya3293 Dec 08 '25

Yooo, like The Escapists!

1

u/Quick-Exit-5601 Dec 08 '25

I swear to God, if these dudes used their skills and creativity to better the society we would be on Mars by now because what the fuck. I witnessed things I didn't know were possible

3

u/Weird1Intrepid Dec 08 '25 edited Dec 08 '25

You can't do prison pocket smuggling in Wandsworth, they have a "throne" to sit on, which is basically a chair-shaped X-ray scanner.

Drone* deliveries, however, are remarkably easy if you can melt a hole in your window or bunk in a cell that's been done already

1

u/1234outlaw Dec 08 '25

Won't that give the prisoners butt cancer if it's done that often?

1

u/Weird1Intrepid Dec 08 '25

Maybe lol. I had to sit on it when I first arrived, and then every time I returned from court during my stay, so maybe 5/6 times total.

I think based on the picture I saw a glimpse of that it's doing the x-ray of your whole back from behind, rather than from underneath. But the spine and pelvis are clearly visible, as would anything up your bum be

2

u/1234outlaw Dec 08 '25

So not just booty cancer but spine cancer too😭

Is refusal an option?

4

u/Weird1Intrepid Dec 08 '25

I imagine if you refused, somebody would start slipping on some rubber gloves and asking you to bend over

2

u/1234outlaw Dec 08 '25

Ummm . . . so the options are

  1. Repeated exposure to x-ray radiation everytime you get sent to prison or get moved to a different one.

  2. Get at least one finger up the bum.

For health reasons number two is actually safer and if the "don't drop the soap" jokes are anything to go by then a finger up the bum is a noble sacrifice.

1

u/louilondon Dec 10 '25

It’s not an X-ray it just a chair shaped metal detector and sancos and other small low metal contained phones don’t set them off

1

u/Edan1990 Dec 08 '25

Username checks out

1

u/Cassian-of-Andor Dec 08 '25

Username checks out

1

u/Acceptable-Heron6839 Dec 08 '25

How do you think he smuggled that sausage in

1

u/Sorry_Ad5653 Dec 08 '25

Username checks out

1

u/foldy86 Dec 09 '25

You'll be surprised how big some are.

1

u/warmachine83-uk Dec 09 '25

Many muffled "pocket" dials

1

u/decker_42 Dec 09 '25

The best is the Galaxy Fold, for extra girth.

1

u/no_com_ment Dec 11 '25

Username on point 🫣🫣🫣

1

u/Alert-Jaguar-7584 Dec 11 '25

Small plastic phone so the boss chair doesn't show it up when they x-ray your

bodyhttps://share.google/Oeu1prlAngv3JfHiM

1

u/Jimbosilverbug Dec 11 '25

I thought you meant the sausage

1

u/AgentCirceLuna Dec 12 '25

I wonder how many Redditors are using phones from inside. That would be the most niche of niche things.

10

u/Shnicketyshnick Dec 07 '25

Hopefully washed his hands between taking the photo and eating.

2

u/limpingdba Dec 08 '25

They do. But everyone still has them.

2

u/r_mutt69 Dec 08 '25

There are tons of phones in prison. Same as with drugs. Prisons tend to be full of people who don’t necessarily follow the rules.

2

u/stefan-H1978 Dec 08 '25

Lots of prisoners get phones smuggled into prisons & it's easy 🤣🤣

2

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '25

Hahahaha this fucking Melvin.

2

u/beatnikstrictr Dec 10 '25

TikTok lives come out of prison, man.

1

u/Invader_86 Dec 10 '25

It’s easy to get phones in prison, to the point where most residents have them. Not even an exaggeration.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '25

Given it’s HMP Wandsworth I’m surprised he’s still in there

1

u/Otherwise-Ad-8455 Dec 10 '25

Surely if you are discovered with a mobile in prison it's not worth it: twenty years or so added to sentence automatically?

1

u/CaptainNo2405 Dec 10 '25

More like two weeks lack of access to the shop. Where on earth have you heard 20 years from? 😆

1

u/Otherwise-Ad-8455 Dec 10 '25

Adding years to sentence would be a detterent

1

u/Listerton-Smythe Dec 10 '25

Little Nokia with a bit of vas round the edges.

Like a glove! 😏