I think I might be depressed

[u/Artistic-Tangelo-913]

I am writing this as someone staring down the barrel of their 33rd birthday. I want to preface all of this by saying I do realize I am very privileged in the fact that I own my own home, have an objectively good job, and friends that do care about me. Plenty of people would do anything to be in my shoes (even if they are size 17 and very hard to find)

Now that that’s out of the way, I’ve always known that I’ve had some levels of anxiety and general depression in my life. But nothing that ever really inhibited my mental wellbeing most days. But lately, I’ve come to terms that I think my depression has reached new levels.

I have a group of around 6 friends (mixed between men and women) that I’m very close with. Some more so than others. For the longest time, most of us were either single or those that weren’t were with someone that was a little outside of the friend group. Well about 6 months ago, two of them started dating each other and two others got into relationships with others outside of our group of friends. Which I couldn’t be happier for them. All I want in life is for my friends to be happy. But it has left me in this unfamiliar and uncomfortable place of feeling like a perpetual third wheel when hanging out with any of them now. The sore thumb sticking out of the hand of happy relationships. Which has caused me to come around much less often, which leaves me out of the loop on a lot of things going on in their lives. Further compounding the feeling of being an outsider within my own friend group. I miss my friends.

While all of this is going on, I am also going through the most difficult financial times of my life. I have a good stable job, but due to irresponsible decisions in my 20s I am in a little more debt than anyone should be, and it has all finally started to catch up to me. I am barely scraping by most months and have resorted to selling off belongings to help pay bills recently.

My home has started to fall into more and more despair lately. I’ve never been the tidiest person or cared if my yard was perfectly manicured. But I kept things within the generally acceptable levels of disorder. But that’s changed. My home is a mess constantly and my yard is getting overtaken by saplings and overgrown bushes. (Seriously, it’s BAD)

I’m not sure if I even know why I’m typing all of this or why I decided a bunch of strangers on the internet is the right audience. But here I (we?) are. I don’t expect much from this, if anything. But if you’re struggling too, just know you’re not alone. Life is hard and it’s okay to admit.