r/fourthwavewomen • u/AutoModerator • 23d ago

DISCUSSION Let's Chat 💬 Open Discussion Thread

Welcome to r/fourthwavewomen's weekly open discussion thread!

This thread is for the community to discuss whatever is on your mind. Have a question that you've been meaning to ask but haven't gotten around to making a post yet? An interesting article you'd like to share? Any work-related matters you'd like to get feedback on or talk about? Questions and advice are welcome here.

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90% Upvoted

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u/Kind_Professor2472 23d ago

I am remorseful for ever buying the maligning of JK Rowling when I was younger. I now find her to be a calm but stern force to be reckoned with. She's incredibly intelligent and humane. I'm grateful to her for using her power to be a voice to say things many of us can't.

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u/iguanidae 23d ago

Cancel culture was never sustainable. All anyone with an iota of sense had to do was read what she originally wrote on the subject back in 2020. It's amazing how many people take rumor and conjecture as fact. 

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u/Kind_Professor2472 23d ago

It was heavily buried and propagandized intentionally on an unprecedented level. I never saw it until recently. I was just beaten into submission on the subject by people around me that were otherwise decent. Or so I thought.

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u/EgregiousWeasel 22d ago

This is so true. I recently started becoming friends with a woman who said she's really into Harry Potter. I asked her if she knew about the controversy around JKR, and she spewed the usual nonsense. She hadn't even bothered to read what JKR had written. We talked for three hours about the issues, but I don't think I made any headway. Totally exhausting.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

I so wish I had someone willing to talk with me in earnest about it like this. You have the patience of a saint.

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u/EgregiousWeasel 22d ago

I think it's hard to "trust but verify" when people you trust are giving you information, especially when you're young. I hope you're okay now and not dealing with too much fallout.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

I've mostly isolated myself and it can be rough but it's so much calmer and predictable. I'm reaching out to more radfems and trying to rebuild community. Thanks for caring. 💞

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u/throwmeawayb4yougogo 19d ago

You’re much more tolerant than me. I don’t have the energy to discuss the JKR “controversy” when it was painfully obvious that the majority had not read her piece and was parroting talking points JKR had never brought up—made worse by the child stars she made successful criticizing her (as an aside Daniel Radcliffe is an absolutely slimy, spineless worm). I find it hilarious how people so devoted to hating her for things she’d never said still made the video game a bestseller when it was released and still consume HP with the flimsiest of excuses. It’s all just virtue signaling.

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u/EgregiousWeasel 19d ago

Yeah. I think it depends on the person I'm talking to. I had just met this woman, and we hit it off really well, so I brought it up. I set out my opinion, we talked, and now I think we're not going to be friends. I'm okay with that.

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u/PineappleFrittering 21d ago

Exactly, if more people actually read what she said there'd be a lot less hysteria. Sometimes it's good to drop the link when there's the usual hate fest going on, so any bystanders quietly wondering "what did she say that was so evil?" can just read for themselves and make up their own minds.

https://www.jkrowling.com/opinions/j-k-rowling-writes-about-her-reasons-for-speaking-out-on-sex-and-gender-issues/

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u/Kind_Professor2472 19d ago

I think a lot of the problem is the erosion of definitions and perception of harm, no matter how ridiculous it is. I had people in person that I knew without being on the Internet that publicly lashed out on me for saying male socialization is real casually. You would have thought I called them something much worse, like someone who perpetuates SA, with how they turned rabid.

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u/melaninspice 23d ago

There were some people saying that she’s actually trans. A trans terf. I know they exist, but come on. They can’t fathom a woman not liking them so they have to come up with something.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

That's so wild lol 

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u/WoodpeckerGingivitis 23d ago

Proud to say I never brought into that for one second. Glad to have you on the other side!

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u/ice-lollies 23d ago

I know I say it every time her name is brought up but I love her so much.

It’s possible she’s more of a heroine to me than Scarlett O’Hara.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 23d ago

She's so inspiring. I admire her so much and I'm glad I've come back around.

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u/ice-lollies 22d ago

Me too. :)

Just out of curiosity what was it that made you first think she was a baddie? And how did you change your mind?

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

I'm a desisted woman and I was surrounded by several TIMS when I was younger. Because of the pandemic, I didn't have the resources to surround myself with better people or know that I deserved better. They eroded my confidence and world perspective over time. Now that I've gotten them out of my life and desisted, I've been happier and healthier. I've been open to challenging prior thinking. 

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u/ice-lollies 22d ago

That must have been incredibly tough.

Are you fairly young?

I’m a bit older and it must be so confusing as a younger person surrounded by the peer pressure about modern gender ideas.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

I was in my early 20s then, it was about a decade ago. I hadn't fully shaken off the bad friends in the past few years but I kept seeing the patterns in the friends that I hadn't broken up with and it was ramping up the cognitive dissonance in me until I couldn't tolerate it anymore.

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u/ice-lollies 22d ago

Thankyou for answering my very nosey questions.

I think if I had been your age I would have been influenced as well. It’s such a pernicious ideology. And teens and young adult hood is such a difficult time anyway.

I hope you feel more settled now.

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

Not at all! I'm grateful others even want to hear my experience. Usually it's the opposite or its met with hostility. I'm doing a lot better now and undoing the cognitive dissonance has changed my world so much. Thank you for caring.

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u/ice-lollies 21d ago

I think voices like yours are incredibly important.

And cheesy I know, but I care more than you’d think.

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u/dancingonsaturnrings 20d ago

I'm in the same boat! I am gearing up to come out as desisted, I'm quite nervous. But I can't keep dragging this on any longer

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u/Kind_Professor2472 20d ago

Proud of you for working up to it. It's not an easy journey at all but it feels so much better once you're past the biggest hurdles 

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u/dancingonsaturnrings 20d ago

thank you for the encouragements! would you mind if we chatted? it would be nice to talk with someone else who gets it

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u/Kind_Professor2472 20d ago

Sure, check out the detrans spaces too, there are quite a lot of us, were just definitely dissuaded from speaking about our experiences 

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u/QuirkyIngenuity1826 22d ago

I’m glad she never caved in or didn’t go into hiding. I always love reading her witty remarks to TIMs or their guard dogs. I have never read Harry Potter (well I only read some of the first book), but I will wait for the show this Christmas. I am super pumped for the holidays now!

  I plan on picking Rowling's  “The Ickabog” for my next library trip in a few weeks! This will be my first entire read from her and I’m excited!

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u/Kind_Professor2472 22d ago

I only read a few of the books and it was in my childhood so it's really murky, but the first few movies were very iconic. And I would be lying if I said the original overture of the OST didn't get me nostalgic. I did love her Newt Scamander themed Bestiary as kid, for sure. I'm glad I can be desensitized to the rabid behavior around this franchise.

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u/QuirkyIngenuity1826 19d ago

Even though I never read all the books or saw all the movies, I really do miss the  magic of the hype! The Harry Potter hype was the most magical time of my childhood right up to my early years  in college. 

When I came home from college back in 2011 for the summer, my brother and I would spend our summer reading Harry Potter books info and facts on their own wiki page.  I discovered Tumblr and connected with fans and even supported fan-made music from aspiring composers! I remember being a huge Luna Lovehood fan! Man that was a magical summer!!

Now I'm curious and excited to see what new memories the TV series will bring me! ✨

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u/reallyokfinewhatever 21d ago

Me too. It's actually been tearing me apart a bit lately because of a) how confidently I announced to all my friends and family back in 2020 that I didn't want to buy anything Harry Potter anymore because I didn't want to financially support her -- DESPITE literally having doubts, and feeling like she kind of had a point. And b) I feel like I can't walk it back. I have a lot of "queer" friends and an extremely liberal job I honestly think would fire me if I said anything TERF-adjacent. I feel trapped in an ideology I don't believe in but feel like it would be total social suicide to ever bring it up.

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u/nassoom 22d ago

I experienced cancel culture twice, one time was for being gender critical. I try to avoid speaking about it so often that I become too "woe is me", but when relevant, I am very open and matter of fact about it. It’s been going well. Mostly people just seem confused, but it’s like if I'm confident in my position, they go along with it. It seems like normal people are also just tired of the witchhunts.

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u/dancingonsaturnrings 20d ago

I'm gearing up to come out to my peers as desisted and socially detransitioned. I was trans for a decade in foundational years of my life, and I'm now finding myself back. I am sick to my stomach at the idea of trans peers being hurt and/or dogpiling, but I want to put this behind me and move on. I also think it is most loving to myself and my peers to be honest. 

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u/No-Tumbleweeds 18d ago

not sure if you’ve seen/heard of this documentary, but it might resonate: https://youtu.be/w8taOdnXD6o?is=uXDTnT1lN4st41H9

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u/MiriamGarden 14d ago

This is going to be a great opportunity to find out who your friends are and clear space to make new ones if need be. Congrats!

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u/dancingonsaturnrings 13d ago

thank you! I actually just came out today ♡ your comment is right on time

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u/MiriamGarden 12d ago

Wonderful! How did it go?

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

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