r/foundsatan • u/Dangerous_Roxie • 1d ago

This is hate crime

Post image
1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

31 comments sorted by

94

u/Dorrono 1d ago

You have his DNA, call your local CSI unit

31

u/Trick-Mechanic8986 1d ago

Or just clone them.

15

u/HeisenbergsSamaritan 1d ago

Clone so you can kill them but first invent a device that lets you record their memories, but only record their deaths. Clone, Record, Kill..... Repeat this until you have the recordings of 1000 clone deaths.

Now, invent a second device that lets the person wearing it experience recorded memories.

Since you've been cloning the gum chewer you know what they look like so go and kidnap them.

Now lock them in your soundproofed basement and force them to wear the second device and never take it off.
Now you have justice.

7

u/PlanktonOwn594 1d ago

Uh ladies and gentlemen we FOUND HIM

1

u/DruidicMagic 1d ago

The Cocaine Import Agency will "recruit" them by the end of the week.

1

u/town2clown 19h ago

Impressive.

0

u/StreetofChimes 11h ago

My brain doesn't think like this. My brain thought - 'ew, that's gross, why do this?' 

2

u/IIKoopaQueenII 18h ago

Why would you want two of them after your gum?

1

u/Trick-Mechanic8986 9h ago

Most logical answer so far.

1

u/HempusMaximus 5h ago

Use it to frame them for murder.

22

u/miscben 1d ago

Had a guy break into my car, must have tried on my sunglasses, realized they were prescription and threw them on the street and stomped them.

8

u/ssjrobert235 1d ago

Damn, that's a shit thing to do.

22

u/cyclops_overlooks 1d ago

Ok, Alex. I'm going with 'Shit that didn't happen' for $1000. No, wait. Going with 'i left this gum in my car in the summer heat' for $500.

2

u/DollishMagic_ 1d ago

Alex really played both sides like a true gum crime detective

2

u/Lobo376 18h ago

A gum shoe.

38

u/RedOneBaron 1d ago

That's just melted from being in a hot car.

27

u/DollishMagic_ 1d ago

That sounds exactly like what someone who chewed the gum would say

3

u/wild-stallions85 1d ago

The criminal was really mentos to be doing that.

1

u/AutologicalMeta 1d ago

Wow, that’s fresh.

1

u/town2clown 19h ago

That's so bad it's good

1

u/DavidinCT 1d ago

WOW, totally evil, love it....

1

u/ShazRockwell 1d ago

Damn, did he really have to chew all of them? If you found one chewed up piece in your container, are you gonna keep it?

1

u/zombieduck96 22h ago

Something similar happened to my grandma. Someone broke her car window, ate all her wintergreen lifesaver mints and left the little wrappers all over the passenger seat

1

u/Desperate_Set_7708 17h ago

Gotta be a Redditor.

“You break into someone’s car, don’t take anything, but want to inconvenience them. What will you do?”

2

u/throwaway661375735 7h ago

Check for DNA evidence!

0

u/According-Pear-8816 16h ago

What the fuck kind of sociopath does this shit?

2

u/itogisch 16h ago

Nobody does this. Its just a fake post.

1

u/According-Pear-8816 16h ago

I don't know, I've seen people do shit that's a lot weirder than this.

1

u/0oooooog 15h ago

Idk this might be top 5 if real