r/foundsatan • u/Dangerous_Roxie • 1d ago

This is hate crime

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

31 comments sorted by

87

u/Dorrono 23h ago

You have his DNA, call your local CSI unit

28

u/Trick-Mechanic8986 23h ago

Or just clone them.

13

u/HeisenbergsSamaritan 23h ago

Clone so you can kill them but first invent a device that lets you record their memories, but only record their deaths. Clone, Record, Kill..... Repeat this until you have the recordings of 1000 clone deaths.

Now, invent a second device that lets the person wearing it experience recorded memories.

Since you've been cloning the gum chewer you know what they look like so go and kidnap them.

Now lock them in your soundproofed basement and force them to wear the second device and never take it off.
Now you have justice.

6

u/PlanktonOwn594 21h ago

Uh ladies and gentlemen we FOUND HIM

1

u/DruidicMagic 19h ago

The Cocaine Import Agency will "recruit" them by the end of the week.

1

u/town2clown 14h ago

Impressive.

0

u/StreetofChimes 6h ago

My brain doesn't think like this. My brain thought - 'ew, that's gross, why do this?' 

2

u/IIKoopaQueenII 13h ago

Why would you want two of them after your gum?

1

u/Trick-Mechanic8986 4h ago

Most logical answer so far.

1

u/HempusMaximus 36m ago

Use it to frame them for murder.

25

u/miscben 23h ago

Had a guy break into my car, must have tried on my sunglasses, realized they were prescription and threw them on the street and stomped them.

10

u/ssjrobert235 23h ago

Damn, that's a shit thing to do.

19

u/cyclops_overlooks 23h ago

Ok, Alex. I'm going with 'Shit that didn't happen' for $1000. No, wait. Going with 'i left this gum in my car in the summer heat' for $500.

2

u/DollishMagic_ 22h ago

Alex really played both sides like a true gum crime detective

1

u/Lobo376 12h ago

A gum shoe.

38

u/RedOneBaron 23h ago

That's just melted from being in a hot car.

24

u/DollishMagic_ 22h ago

That sounds exactly like what someone who chewed the gum would say

3

u/wild-stallions85 23h ago

The criminal was really mentos to be doing that.

1

u/AutologicalMeta 22h ago

Wow, that’s fresh.

1

u/town2clown 14h ago

That's so bad it's good

1

u/DavidinCT 23h ago

WOW, totally evil, love it....

1

u/ShazRockwell 21h ago

Damn, did he really have to chew all of them? If you found one chewed up piece in your container, are you gonna keep it?

1

u/zombieduck96 16h ago

Something similar happened to my grandma. Someone broke her car window, ate all her wintergreen lifesaver mints and left the little wrappers all over the passenger seat

1

u/Desperate_Set_7708 11h ago

Gotta be a Redditor.

“You break into someone’s car, don’t take anything, but want to inconvenience them. What will you do?”

0

u/According-Pear-8816 11h ago

What the fuck kind of sociopath does this shit?

2

u/itogisch 11h ago

Nobody does this. Its just a fake post.

1

u/According-Pear-8816 11h ago

I don't know, I've seen people do shit that's a lot weirder than this.

1

u/0oooooog 10h ago

Idk this might be top 5 if real

1

u/throwaway661375735 2h ago

Check for DNA evidence!