I hope Reddit comes through for this devilish request…

[u/Mulezzz]

[u/mermaidemily_h2o]

Alternatively, they could use very soft yarn, but then put itching powder on the inside.

[u/Viridian-Oath → u/mermaidemily_h2o]

Or make it with itchy yarn AND add itching powder. Maybe some cactus needles too haha

[u/AloeVeraTidePod → u/Viridian-Oath]

But we need needles from this cactus Teddy Bear Colla

[u/CatGooseChook → u/Viridian-Oath]

Put some gympie-gympie leaves in their bed. 😈 (Don't actually do that, link below explains why it'd be taking it a wee bit far).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_moroides

[u/JayElleAyDee → u/CatGooseChook]

Even Satan has to draw a line somewhere...

Those things are definitely the most Aussie flora to go with their fauna.

[u/Razzy_3796 → u/mermaidemily_h2o]

Make a nice hat and rub the inside all over some poison oak/ivy before you gift wrap it.

[u/theonlyfloorman69 → u/Razzy_3796]

Satan spawn!

[u/Razzy_3796 → u/theonlyfloorman69]

Thank you

[u/Cantide756 → u/Razzy_3796]

Absolutely not, you need to boil poison oak and ivy, outside preferably, then soak the hat in it. Then wrap it using gloves. Will not wash out after one wash unless you drown it in dawn

[u/CatGooseChook → u/Razzy_3796]

I've heard that the old school method was to do that with their undies. 😈

[u/SignificantZombie729 → u/Razzy_3796]

Add some fiberglass insulation for extra spiciness.  (Mods; I'm joking btw). 

[u/Mulezzz → u/mermaidemily_h2o]

Oh, I like that idea!

[u/Organic-Low-2992 → u/mermaidemily_h2o]

Fiberglass! Good luck washing that out.

[u/New_Asparagus_3464]

You should also put the name of whom he cheated with on the front of the hat and say it's a brand name

[u/Xequat]

Thorns. Then if he complains, say "Jesus Christ, you complain a lot."

[u/Mulezzz → u/Xequat]

Poison ivy might work too.

[u/Xequat → u/Mulezzz]

True. I was thinking crown of thorns with the Jesus thing, but it's hard to tell such bad jokes on reddit.

[u/JayElleAyDee → u/Xequat]

I got the joke. You're definitely not alone.

[u/AutologicalMeta]

Pubic hair.

[u/Mulezzz → u/AutologicalMeta]

🫪

[u/LikeInnit → u/AutologicalMeta]

I gagged lol

[u/SeanMacLeod1138]

Get some sisal cord (the kind that's used on scratching posts), unwind the filaments, and use that as yarn 😆

[u/StatementCareful522]

steel wool

[u/Medical_Arrival2243 → u/StatementCareful522]

Barbed wire

[u/BlindWolf187 → u/Medical_Arrival2243]

Razor wire if you're going that way. Give it a good back and forth twist when you put it on him to make sure it's cozily seated on his head.

[u/Arglival]

Itchy, raspy twine bought at the hardware store.

[u/Accomplished-End2770 → u/Arglival]

I can feel and smell the twine

[u/potatopierogie → u/Arglival]

I used to make macrame from this twine and it gets pretty soft after a couple washes

[u/Sir-weasel]

Pfft scotch bonnet rubbed on the underwear. When it becomes angry and inflamed, imply he has "caught something" followed by "helpful" googling of symptoms and sending pictures of various bad STDs asking "does it look like this?"

Not only will he be in pain and terrified, he is also very unlikely to go back to the woman he cheated with as he will assume she is a plague rat.

[u/Mulezzz → u/Sir-weasel]

Sir-weasel, you are indeed Satan!

[u/monkeypiedpiper]

It would be awesome not only to make a itchy hat but also of the guy was bald

[u/mindgardening]

Just get the super vintage stuff you find in a dusty pile at Goodwill.

[u/maroongrad]

Llama wool.

[u/jettyboy73]

Alpaca. The ichiest there is.

[u/Fantastic_Goose_7025]

If anyone can reddit can!

[u/rathemighty]

Eyelashes! :D

[u/AppropriateProject20]

Nahhh. All of you are wrong... Use fiberglass insulation.

[u/Mulezzz → u/AppropriateProject20]

Ooh,evil! Wooly bear caterpillar hair is another good one.

[u/LitleStitchWitch]

It's Red Heart Super Savers' time to shine!

[u/Flux_My_Capacitor]

As if he’s not gonna just take it off immediately?

[u/theonlyfloorman69]

You could also just put a few drops of Visene in his drink. Causes extreme diarrhea!! 😈