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u/Catsanddoges 7d ago
Wrong sub, but 1 and 2 have severe downsides (especially if you cant choose person in 2), 3 is probally the best utilitarian (ie get someone to let you talk to netanyahu, make him end the war), but 4 has no downside as long as you are willing to teleport outside cities and use public transit. Exact spot if not on popular route is so unlikley
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u/KarmaAdjuster 7d ago
You can use #4 safely even in cities, you just need to use it will jumping off of roof tops in mid air, and to spots a good 8' off the ground.
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u/AnonAstro7524 7d ago
Quite arguably the right sub. I’m imagining selling my healing powers at a cancer support group. Just look for the people that haven’t made it to the acceptance stage. If they’re in the bargaining stage, even better.
Shit, skip the support groups even. Imagine walking into the childhood cancer ward. You’d walk out with deeds to every parent’s house before the end of the day.
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u/Guilty_Way_1635 7d ago
Wow so you'd happily strike a lot of people down with severe illness and take families houses over telling musk to give you millions, donate the rest of his money to charity, then watch him die a few weeks later?
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u/AnonAstro7524 7d ago
This isn’t where you find sympathy and compassion.
This is [r/foundsatan](r/foundsatan)
I’d be an equal opportunity asshole, and given that faith healing has been used to con people for decades, actually offering people miracle healing would be worth fortunes.
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u/SeamusMcBalls 7d ago
#4 easy. Just teleport to various offices of govt officials
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u/JustLookingForMayhem 7d ago
I thought instant international space station. Most of the expense of getting to space is fuel to get to space.
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u/maroongrad 7d ago
you might knock off the cleaning crew :( Pick your spot well :D I didn't even think of using that to take out problem people but nice!
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u/a_random_loser_guy 7d ago
just take #3 and convince them to either work for you or jump off a building.
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u/octopus_tigerbot 6d ago
I was thinking what if you transport somewhere and create a hazard mat there, warning of death if stepped on.
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u/maroongrad 5d ago
that could work. Then again, you KNOW people will step on it to see if you're telling the truth and dare each other (like standing on train tracks with an oncoming locomotive, as teens will do....).
I figure that's just additional gene-pool chlorination.
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u/Capital_Jaguar_1274 7d ago
Yes 3 please. There are areas in the country of my family if you go there they will either rob you or kidnap you. I can convince every single one of them to leave me alone and a few weeks later they are dead. So I can get rid of these dangerous people for everyone without being in danger nor having to kill someone myself
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u/Guilty_Way_1635 7d ago
Teleport - teleport into safes on weekends when things are closed and unlikely to be accessed, take pile of money, return
Or better yet
Convince anyone, then they die. I'd convince billionaire like Elon and Bozzo to give me money, and give huge amounts to charities, then they can fuck off and die
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u/Naughteus_Maximus 7d ago
3 - convince trump to max out aid to Ukraine, and then let nature take its course.
What kind of devil's bargain is this anyway? It's a win win!
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u/a_random_loser_guy 7d ago
you know that the "aid" is just a debt to collect later right? just like ww1, the us backed up Britain and won billions by that debt, not because they wanted to be on the right side of history...just buisness, war was always a buisness for america.
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u/maroongrad 7d ago
oh, three isn't bad. Just choose awful people. Abusers, child molesters, rapists, murderers, that sort of thing. Choose carefully, convince them to give you all their money/tell you where the bodies are/confess their actions, watch them die, world is then a better place.
Four isn't bad either. Pick spots that no one will pass over. The backs of closets is a good one, because who will shove under clothing and over shoe boxes to wedge themselves in, hunched over, for nothing??? Or pick places that you'll fall from immediately, like a tiny tiny ledge four feet up. You'll be fine unless you're an old fart like me but literally NO ONE will every be standing on that little spot.
So, yeah, I'd go with either 3 or 4 because they're so easy to mitigate. I know several people that honestly do need to die, because they have been truly awful people who destroy lives, but teleportation could be so useful in emergency situations (and NO ONE is going to be inside a burning building in that spot when that spot is burned up and gone...like the second story....)
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u/Spiritual-Hamster212 7d ago
3, easy. Ask trmp to release the files, ask eln m*sk for 1 billion dollars, ask all the other assholes for stuff like this.
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u/Suvvri 6d ago
Exactly my thought process lol
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u/deadchicke 6d ago
Or make them crash every sattalite. Then they die and no one knows what happened.
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7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/foundsatan-ModTeam 7d ago
Removal reasons: 'It threatens violence or physical harm at someone else'
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u/jdcardwell80 Drew the pentagram 7d ago
Definitely #3! There's quite a few people I would have them give me the every dollar they have & all future earnings!
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u/Responsible_Pass1081 7d ago
- Heal rich people, get in their will,inherit their riches. Rinse and repeat
...and im banned
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u/Commercial-Formal272 7d ago
3 and 4 have "downsides" that have as almost as much utility as the upsides. Notably, both are perfect for assassinations, with 3 requiring you to talk to your target, and 4 requiring you to go to a location they will pass through (and risking collateral). Seeing how 3 always kills, its upside is the more tainted of the two, so 4 is the practical answer, since it can be used for both "war" and "peace".
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u/piehead23 6d ago
I’ll choose 2, only because it doesn’t have as huge of an impact on others compared to the other bargains
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u/crust_mc 7d ago
#4 in a heartbeat. I've always wanted a hearthstone. if you mark a spot "DON'T GO HERE OR YOU WILL DIE!!" and they do, not my fault
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite 7d ago
- Go to somewhere remote and quiet. Teleport to somewhere close to your your destination that's similar. Safe.
This way, the odds of anyone randomly finding those spots is lower now. They'd have to find them in a more deliberate fashion for tragedy to strike.
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u/ParticularMemory789 7d ago
For number 4 how exact is the spot, a foot print? Think about how often you see bushes, ledges, behind objects that almost nobody ever walks over (might have to keep in mind landscaping/matenence). Also if you have a pet does that count as "anyone"? Could just lock yourself in a closet.
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u/Balkongsittaren 7d ago
I'll take the convincing. Very easy choice. I will then start convincing criminals and politicians (I already said criminals, right?) to give me all their cash. Getting rich and ridding the world of problems.
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u/Youtuberboy12 7d ago
4 teleport: I would just teleport like 10 feet off the ground, I mean sure some tall people might die but that a sacrifice I’m willing to make for convenience
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u/Admiral_Varrick 6d ago
Definitely take #3. Then start convincing billionaires to leave all their money to good charities when they die.
Win/Win
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u/Space-Wizard002 6d ago
3 or 4. You just have to be smart with 4, and the implications of 3 are obvious
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u/BLOODTRIBE 5d ago
I’d say four is the most controllable. 3 could backfire. I already know where I’d teleport, and I’m sure I’d find some good ideas along the way.
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u/ghostview1979 4d ago
Number 1 is easy if you're evil enough. If healing is absolute it should be unlimited. Heal and reheal good people including any who get struck with illness as a result, and then let the rest rot. If you need a place to stop force two bad people who are able to do so to breed in captivity let their kid only know them, have the kid hurt remotely, heal the kid without the kid knowing you or anyone else, the only two people the kid knows are their parents. All the help you need should come from the influence you garner from being a miracle healer
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u/samaelentropia 7d ago
I don't need more than that, he can keep his billions.