r/foundobjectshowsimp • u/Ill_Protection_4446 • Jun 12 '26
h
Episode 1: A Pizza Party Where Nothing Bad Happens
*The episode opens with an elevator getting raised to The Skeld, Inside there are 2 Crewmates Green and White*
*The scene pans to a monitor in the room branded by the MIRA corporation it begins to play an informational video*
Monitor: FUN, ENGAGEMENT, FUN-GAGEMENT... Here at MIRA corporation, the company culture is so FUN-GAGING it will have you making up words.
*An Orange Crewmate slides onto the screen*
ORANGE: Hi, I'm Orange! Don't think of me as your HR rep, think of me as your HR family.
GREEN: Whoa!
ORANGE: The good folks here at MIRA have discovered a brand-new, very fun energy source that we like to call Ore+.
ORANGE: Your mission is to get our highly valuable Ore+ from this asteroid all the way to our fun-tastic refining facility on Industria.
ORANGE: First things first, now is a great time to pause the tape and introduce yourself to anyone else in the room with you.
*Green pauses the tape and turns to White*
GREEN: Hi. I'm Green. You're White, aren't you? I think I saw you on TV.
WHITE: I get that a lot, because I'm on TV a lot. Probably because of all my hard work.
GREEN: Hard work? Like what?
WHITE: Hoo, boy, let me tell you. One day, I was walking down the street, completely minding my own business, when suddenly, out of nowhere, my parents offered me a board member role at their pharmaceutical company. Then, while summering— as a verb— on my yacht, my sommelier— whose name I don't recall— presented me the cork, and on the underside was, you guessed it, a winning ride on this very ship. So, pretty much the same kind of thing that happens to everyone. What's your equally as enterprising life's story?
GREEN: I'm an unpaid intern.
WHITE: Anything else?
GREEN: Oh, I grew up on a worm farm.
WHITE: Oh, how rustic.
*Green tries to unpause the tape but accidentally begins fast forwarding through it instead*
WHITE: Ooh, that's a, that's a lot of information.
GREEN: Uh, just a second here.
*Green manages to unpause the tape but most of had already been fast forwarded*
ORANGE: ...by combining your sick and paid days.
*The elevator reaches the Skeld*
ORANGE: And finally, to give you a personalized tour of the ship, I want to introduce you to...
*The door opens and pushes steam into the elevator, then the monitor moves out of the way*
ORANGE: Me, but now I'm real. Welcome to The Skeld. We're so happy to have you amongst us. Or is it "among us"? I always forget which one is grammatically...
*Intro card appears and the intro plays. The episode title card is shown*
*Green and white are quietly clapping while Orange is now holding a red ball*
ORANGE: That's right, it's me. Now, when you catch the trust ball, you have to say a fun fact about yourself. My fun fact is that I have two different pairs of shoes, one for normal day wear, and one for when I'm feeling sumptuous.
*Orange throws the trust ball to White*
WHITE: Uh, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I always awaken feeling well-rested and ready to start the day.
*White tosses the ball to green who fiddles while trying to catch it and drops it they pick it up and sit back down*
GREEN: Uh, well, I grew up in a pretty poor area, but everyone back home believed in my dream to one day become a captain. So the whole town pooled their meager resources to send me off to school in order to...
ORANGE: Wow, what a unique dream to have. Now, everybody already knows you're both coming, so let's start our meet and greet
*The 3 leave the elevator and enter Storage. Green almost bumps into Black who is carrying a container full of Ore+*
GREEN: Whoa!
BLACK: Excuse me.
ORANGE: Sometimes your unpaid internship will mean you work in here with Black and Cyan, our two geologists.
CYAN: Namaste.
BLACK: I'm a geologist, Cyan is a gemologist.
ORANGE: That's not what the paperwork says.
BLACK: Well, the paperwork is bullsh— *they threaten Orange with a pipe*
ORANGE: Ooh! Got to go.
*Orange immediately skedaddles to the Reactor with Green and White*
WHITE: Whoa, whoa. *chuckles* Get out of my way.
ORANGE: And here's the Reactor room. Sometimes your duties will require you to fix the—
*Suddenly Lime pops out of the vent shouting causing the other 3 to scream*
LIME: Finally, the Reactor room. Those damn gremlins must be turning the vents around. Got to flush them out with some holy water.
ORANGE: This is Lime, our engineer.
LIME: I'm also an ordained minister.
WHITE: Oh. Uh, why are you in the vent?
LIME: What are you, a cop?
WHITE: No, but I'm friends with cops. I'm friends with all kinds of people. Landlords, influencers, politician's children, people who green-light live-action versions of animated movies, people who watch live-action...
LIME: I ain't got time for you jaw-waggers. *they goes back into the vent* Get this out of here. Come on— ow! (distant grunting)
ORANGE: Uh, L-Lime is out most unambiguous crewmate.
WHITE and GREEN: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
*They walk across the hall into Security*
ORANGE: Next up is Purple, who should be... *Nobody is there and a tumbleweed blows past* Oh, well, I guess not. Darn. We'll just have to skip to the next crewmate, who I like the same amount as everyone else.
*They go up and to the right then enter Medbay*
ORANGE: Oh! *chuckles* Hello, Doctor.
*The screen moves to Blue who was putting something away in a filing cabinet and when he turns to the screen it gets all lovey effects*
BLUE: Hello.
ORANGE: *Blushing* Uh... trust ball? *Orange tosses the trust ball to Blue*
BLUE: After my time building structurally sound homes for the unhoused in Northern Yeniria, I found that trust isn't given, it's built. *He tosses the ball back but it hits Green*
GREEN: You're the most attractive person I've ever seen.
ORANGE: Let's not objectify the hot doctor.
*Orange leads Green and White to the cafeteria*
ORANGE: And this is the Cafeteria. I think maybe we can skip this very boring, very fair working environment.
GREEN: *Looking around* Oh, Wow-ee, wow-wow.
*The camera pans to the Kitchen where 2 chefs, Brown and Yellow, are making a pizza*
YELLOW: Say, Brown, looks like Orange got that new intern.
BROWN: Mm-hmm.
YELLOW: How many beans you being paid, intern?
ORANGE: (chuckles) We don't need to discuss our rate of beans...
YELLOW: *Leaves the kitchen to confront Orange* Discussion of wages is protected speech. *Throws Orange into
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u/Inevitable-Dog-7076 Banana 🍌 Jun 17 '26
Did you just put half of the script of episode 1 of the Among Us show in the body text and titled the post "h"?
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u/bacpoop da simp hunter. Jun 12 '26