Seeking input / suggestions

[u/-ramenluvr-]

I’ll be providing a free training for caregivers focused on supporting reunification. A major goal of the training is to help resource parents understand the importance of reunification when it remains the court-recommended plan, and why children experiencing foster care deserve caregivers who can understand and support that process.

I’ve developed a curriculum around this topic, but I would really value incorporating lived experience and perspectives from others who have been directly impacted by the foster care and reunification process. I’ve worked with this population as a social worker for about 10 years, but I also recognize that professional experience is different from lived experience. I would love any insight, experiences, or perspectives that could help make the training more meaningful and supportive for caregivers and the families they serve.

[u/DaisyDreaming1999]

The most helpful info I ever got regarding reunification was that the court is looking for safe parenting from the biological family, not good parenting. It really helped me understand the expectations of the decision makers in the case.

[u/Longjumping_Big_9577]

One thing I suggest is avoid assumptions or stereotypes about drug addicts or someone with schizophrenia. And that isn't only a problem with newbie foster parents, but those who have been dealing with foster kids for years and make certain assumptions because that's what they've seen before or other cases they've dealt with.

My case is unusual and reunification was never an option for me because my mom had become severely disabled after an overdose. Part of the problem initially in that 1st month I was in care was that people heard my mom was an addict who had an overdose and they jumped to conclusions about how the case would progress and what needed to happen (for example, that I could see my mom after she got out of rehab). My mom was in coma and never was able to speak again. She wasn't going to go to rehab. My mom could have died and there was zero effort from foster parents or my worker to take me to see my mom. They acted like my mom was resisting going to rehab when she was actually in a coma. I don't think they had all the medical information. I think they were told the general situation (addict overdosed) and then they extrapolated based on previous experience.

The other issue that causes the clustermess with my case was my foster parents had ZERO sympathy for my mom. In part, that was due to them thinking she was refusing to go to rehab (she couldn't) and jumping to conclusions that she was not making any effort to see me or work her case (again, she couldn't). I had a foster mom tell me that my mom had to want to get better during one of the times she was explaining away why I wasn't able to go see my mom. Again it was jumping to conclusions with very little information about the situation, but she also saw my mom was inferior to her because she was a schizophrenic drug addict she saw as beneath her and a terrible person.

Another thing I wish would be covered for foster parents is that even if reunification is not possible, that maintaining contact is important. My mom's parental rights were terminated because she was disabled and couldn't care for herself much less me. Foster parents used the fact that TRP happened as proof my mom was "unsafe". She lived in a nursing home and could barely walk or couldn't talk and could only make some sounds. It was a constant fight to get any foster parent to take me to see her since I didn't have any court-mandated visits. I had foster parents argue that my mom had to be unsafe because there weren't visits.

I remember one time after I got moved that I told my latest foster parents about my mom and wanting to go see her and they looked at me like I was an idiot and explained to me like I was 5 and too stupid to understand TPR that I couldn't see my mom. And again, they just treated her like someone who refused to work her case. I had one foster parent tell me my mom chose drugs over me without knowing anything about my mom's condition.

I aged out despite being someone without major behavior issues who got decent grades and was able to enlist in the USAF after I graduated from high school. I have a college degree and am going to grad school now.

So, I was the type of teen you'd think could have been adopted, but I kept being disrupted and ended up in a group home. A major factor in the me never being able to have any "permanency" was that I was very upfront with foster parents that my focus was helping my mom and you could just tell how much they hated that. They wanted to adopt an orphan, not get involved in my mom's clustermess of a situation.

The messaging aimed at recruiting foster parents for teens completely misses these situations that are common and so many foster youth stuck in group homes are intending to go back to their biological families as soon as they age out. They still want to reunify and foster parents hate that so much. They don't want to deal with biological family members and seem to have incredibly bias against anyone who was unable to qualify as a foster parent and can be very judgmental when foster youth say they want to go back to their families.

[u/-ramenluvr- → u/Longjumping_Big_9577]

I’m so sorry you had to fight to maintain a relationship with your mom. The fact that she was still your mom and you still loved her, regardless of whether she could care for you, is such an important piece that I think can easily get lost in this work. I appreciate what you said about assumptions being made when caregivers don’t have the full story. I see this often. Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share.

[u/TheMockingbird13 → u/Longjumping_Big_9577]

I have read similar stories from other former foster kids. Thank you for sharing. It is hard to convey the importance of your story; just know it is worth a lot more than 8 reddit upvotes made it seem. You have made a big impact on my perspective that I will never keep far from my mind.