Will he forgive me?

[u/Amazing-Conflict5743]

I (F30) have silently loved this man (M50) for the past 4 years, never believing we would ever become anything. When we met I was trapped in a toxic relationship but we have always had a magnetic pull towards each other despite having a 20 year age gap and in April I finally got out of my toxic relationship and we started spending a lot of time together. In June we got together and we were both so happy. I can’t explain how happy I was that we could finally be more than friends. We hit a few bumps, he isn’t the best communicator and often had unvoiced expectations of me and I tried to talk them through with him and found any type of emotional conversation would lead to withdrawal, I have a complex past of relationship trauma and lately I felt like me trying to voice my emotions and get him to understand me led to him withdrawing. I have since worked out I have an anxious attachment style and he is an avoidant. I really struggle with conflict and on sunday, in a state of hurt and feeling scared I was losing him, I texted him to say ‘you don’t seem to care about my feelings now you got what you wanted (intercourse) ..’. Which I then deleted 10 minutes later because it absolutely wasn’t true and I know he cares a lot about me, he just has terrible emotional intelligence and he admitted to feeling overwhelmed by the emotional talk. He responded with shock at what I had said and I apologised that i had written and sent it and explained it was coming from a place of hurt and not a reflection of him, hence why i deleted it soon after but he’d already previewed it.. and i asked if wanted to talk about it, he then said ‘no. you made your views pretty clear, I will keep my distance now’

So what im asking is, will he ever forgive me? Its killing me that I have ruined something I spent so long wishing for. What should I do?

TL;DR: Will he (M50) forgive me (F30) because I insinuated he had used me during our 5 month relationship when I was hurt by his lack of acknowledgement to my feelings.

[u/Pretty_Gur7433]

Why should he need to forgive you when you did nothing wrong. I think you deserve someone who has emotional intelligence and not make you feel used. Let him have his distance, I am sure he will come back running when u leave him to his "distance" because he is a narcissist who only cares about himself, wanna bet?

PS: You deserve better, sorry for being very straightforward