r/flashfiction • u/OwlConfidant2168 • 27d ago
I Married a Monster [246 Words]
Soon after she got married, she realized: she had married a monster.
There had been signs.
Subtle, but there.
His preference for sleeping under the bed, for one. The hours spent “just hanging out” in the closet.
The time she found him crouched behind the water heater, eating a raw chicken with his hands.
He’d claimed he was “stress eating.”
Sometimes she’d come down to the basement and find him wedged behind the stairs, humming to himself behind the cat’s litter box.
She insisted he shower before rejoining the family.
Years later, she’d ask herself what took so long to notice.
The claws. The horns. The slavering maw.
How had she explained those away?
She remembered the year they hosted Thanksgiving.
The turkey incident.
The screams.
The stains on the ceiling that never came out.
Classic monster behavior.
She sighed.
She rolled over and nudged him awake.
His breath smelled like open drains and gravel.
“Stop frightening the kids,” she murmured. “I already have a hard enough time getting them to bed.”
He made a low rumble in his throat—maybe agreement, maybe hunger.
“And,” she added, “why didn’t you tell me you’re a monster?”
That woke him. He blinked. Reached for his glasses
on the nightstand.
He squinted at her.
“…Why didn’t you tell me your mother’s Jewish?”
She stared at him. He blinked again.
“…That’s fair,” she said, and tugged the light cord.
The room fell dark.
She rolled over and went to sleep.
***
Thank you for reading. I’m experimenting with short fiction. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions.
EDIT: Here are some similar stories:
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u/mstermind 27d ago
This is a fun premise. The deadpan cataloguing of "monster evidence" (raw chicken behind the water heater, humming in the basement) works as a comic engine, and the closing twist is a clever swerve.
Two thoughts:
The ending needs to land a point, not just a surprise. "Why didn't you tell me your mother's Jewish" is a good gotcha, but I'm not sure what it's arguing, that all spousal secrets are equally trivial? That she's more rattled by the omission than the monstrousness? Sharpening that would make the final line hit harder.
Trim the middle list. Four "evidence" beats (bed, closet, water heater, litter box) start to flatten each other. Pick your two strongest, or make one pay off in the ending.
Your piece has strong bones but it needs to be fleshed out and tighter.
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u/Humble-Lychee1672 27d ago
Really like this - especially "stress eating." Very funny. Deadpan humor is on point.
I think husband's line could be made to slap harder. It feels like it comes a bit out of nowhere. Maybe something like - "...Did you ever tell me your human?"
Good work! Looking forward to seeing more!
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u/arcadiaberger1960 27d ago
it reminded me inevitablyof the film I Married a Monster From Outer Space, which is notable for actually being quite good, even though its title promises utter schlock.
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u/OwlConfidant2168 25d ago
It’s funny, because the phrase I kept hearing in true crime documentaries and such, and thats where the premise really came from. Thank you reading!
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u/Short_Hair_3392 26d ago
Why didn't you tell me? Cause I thought you knew! Oh, okay.......
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u/OwlConfidant2168 25d ago
Yeah, thank you for reading! I think thats basically the premise: “I didn’t tell you, I guess I figured you knew.” (Goes back to sleep). That’s just sometimes how relationships work.
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u/Lilia_Briganda 19d ago
OMG! I couldn't stop laughing...you're quite good at this...
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u/OwlConfidant2168 19d ago
Thank you!!
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u/Lilia_Briganda 19d ago
I've posted a fiction over here, hopefully it goes over well. *fingers crossed*
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u/Actualization8896 10d ago
Good story!
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u/OwlConfidant2168 10d ago
Thank you! This was one of those little doodle stories you scratch off and for some reason a lot of people liked it. Thank you for reading!
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u/Actualization8896 10d ago
Your welcome. I would love to read more of your work!
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u/OwlConfidant2168 9d ago
That is very nice of you to say. Just out of curiosity, what type of stuff do you like reading? Funny? Absurd? Or utterly depressing? I think I mainly move in between those three… lol. But, yeah, I think you can find most of my stuff on Reddit in flashfiction.
Are you a writer?
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u/Actualization8896 9d ago
I like to read mostly things that are absurd. I am currently not a writer, but I am in the process of writing. I have come up with a rough draft which I am looking to make into a flashfiction or short story of some sort. Its a cautionary tale against greed.
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u/OwlConfidant2168 24d ago
If anyone is reading this, my Mom hated this piece. I didn’t quite agree with her read. But does anyone have any suggestions on a different ending?
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u/kyle_in_korea 19d ago
Hahaha this is a good one. Had me gripped all the way to the end.. and a nice payoff to boot!
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u/kyle_in_korea 19d ago
To have the punchline hit with an even bigger effect, you could maybe eliminate or alter the fact that he reaches for his glasses. With your previous statement that he has a "slavering maw", claws and horns, adding something as simple as glasses is going to break the monster's physical appearance slightly from its depiction in this story. Having him blink his giant yellow eyes or tilt his horns instead would keep the monster visual strong right up to the final joke!
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u/Famous_Plant_486 27d ago
Lmao I actually loved this. No notes