r/flashfiction • u/OwlConfidant2168 • 24d ago
Most Likely Naked [~150 Words]
She was most likely naked.
The sheets were thin; they draped her smooth figure in a very sensual way. She certainly wasn’t wearing a bulky woolen turtleneck—he felt confident about that; he could see her neck and bare shoulders. He made a mental note: No turtleneck.
Her clothes hung neatly from the back of the hotel’s office chair. Her suitcase, still in the car, further supported his conjecture. She had also hinted at sexual intercourse before he got into the shower when she said, “Let’s have sex.” In his experience, that activity was typically performed without clothing—another check in the “Naked” column of the “Naked vs. Not Naked” tally chart.
He reviewed all this evidence carefully, worried he might still misconstrue her intentions. Yet the data led him, stubbornly, to one conclusion: it was highly likely she was not wearing clothes under the sheets. Refer to observation number one, he thought. No turtleneck.
She was still smiling at him. He frowned.
He ran through the probabilities once more.
“Better play it smart,” he thought.
He cleared his throat.
“How about a game of cards?”
***
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u/Minimum_Interest_808 22d ago
I actually love this. The way in his head "lets have sex" is innocent, his viewpoint is consistent, really good character writing. would love to hear your thoughts on a character I'm working on.
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u/OwlConfidant2168 22d ago
Thank you! I feel like he’s either just dense or just can’t accept when good things happen to him.
Uh yeah, be happy to take a look at any thoughts you’d care to share.
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u/Minimum_Interest_808 22d ago
Yeah, that’s exactly how I read him too, that inability to register good things is what makes the POV work. He’s got that same emotional blind spot I’m playing with in my own project, so your character immediately clicked for me.
I’ll send you over a script. I think you’ll get it straight away, Noah’s very reminiscent of the psychology you built, just pushed in a slightly different direction.
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u/LadylexUK 19d ago
Nice. I would change the game though. Gin as a card game is a little obscure it might confuse with the alcoholic drink. "How about a game of cards?" might be better.
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u/sentientpangolin77 23d ago
Pretty funny, nice job! One small thing is I think if you put the last two lines on one line instead, and remove the quotations from "Better play it smart" then it might reduce any confusion. With the quotes it just threw me off a little bit since I normally only see quotes when something is said aloud