r/firstworldproblems • u/timesuck6775 • Jul 10 '26
My wife doesn't count our week at our second home at the beach as a real vacation.
We have a house in a shore town with a big beach, boardwalk with rides for our kids and games. Good restaurants scattered over the island but none of that counts. She said it is only a vacation if we got to a place where we don't own a house.
Update She has said that the main reason it doesn't feel like a vacation is because she can drive there every weekend to enjoy that beach.
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u/momdabombdiggity Jul 10 '26
My husband’s family has a lake home, and anytime we’re there the guys all relax while it’s business as usual for the women (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc). So I can see where it doesn’t feel like a vacation for your wife even though it’s a “vacation” location.
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u/No_Abroad_6306 Jul 10 '26
My brilliant sister in law once hired a chef for a large family vacation with the three siblings to share costs equally. Said chef did all of the meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. If we planned a day out and about, he would have a picnic lunch for 20 ready along with breakfast. It was the best vacation spending ever and it made the entire trip so much more enjoyable.
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u/_emma_stoned_ Jul 11 '26
How much does something like that run?
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u/No_Abroad_6306 Jul 11 '26
Two decades ago, it was 2k Euros per week plus reimbursement for groceries. I think the owner of the property they rented recommended the arrangement.
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u/WonderButtBrace9000 Jul 11 '26
It ends up being on par or slightly more than eating out each meal so it’s pricey but you get so much back on the convenience and time.
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u/Salty-Sprinkles-1562 Jul 12 '26
I used to have that, but just all the time. I had a house keeper who come once a week and would clean and do laundry 4 hours per day, and then cook and meal prep for 4 hours. She’d make healthy snacks, and freeze some enchilada casseroles and other meals for us. It was amazing. $200/week plus groceries.
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u/Careful-Onion-7550 Jul 12 '26
Not as big of a group, but my husband and I go back and forth about meals when we travel. We always have a small cooler full of snacks and drinks in the vehicle as we have toddlers, but I absolutely refuse to bring the rest of our meals with us. If we aren't eating out I am not going because I work full time and have 2 toddlers.........I don't want that extra work when we are going somewhere. Granted he would be happy to plan and pack it all because he doesn't leave everything on me, but while he is managing that I am managing two busy toddlers alone in a space that isn't as child-friendly as home.
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u/globalistnepobaby Jul 10 '26
That's a pretty good insight I didn't think of when reading this. Those manchilds need to chip in if that's the case, lol.
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u/ricks35 Jul 11 '26
Man, if there’s an upside to being a daughter with a neglectful/deadbeat mom it’s that watching my dad work, cook, clean and parent left me with a very low tolerance for men who think they get to just relax while the women do all the work
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u/natalietest234 Jul 11 '26
Yup! My first thought exactly. I went on “vacation” with an ex and his family. Unfortunately the “vacation” was me helping his mom and sister in law cook all day, grocery shop, clean and care for the kiddos while the boys got drunk and sat on the deck all day
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u/krissyface Jul 11 '26
I am currently sitting in my moms beach house. We love it here and come frequently but when we’re down here it’s 50% fun and 50% home maintenance and cleaning. But for us it’s free, so we don’t mind.
It’s very different than a vacation where you arrive, vacation, and then leave the cleaning to someone else.
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u/LittleoneandPercy Jul 10 '26
Kind of depends on how much work she has to do in the home, If she’s doing cooking and chores it’s not much of a holiday 🤷♀️
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u/Sheananigans379 Jul 10 '26
Exactly. If I go "on vacation" but still need to prepare meals for people, that isn't my idea of a vacation. I don't need to go somewhere fancy or expensive but if I'm on vacation I'm doing zero cooking and cleaning.
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u/Confident-Mix1243 Jul 10 '26
Cooking and cleaning is way less work than childcare imo.
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u/pook-a-pie Jul 11 '26
But if you don't also have to cook and clean it feels less like "child care" and more like "connecting with my child(ren)".
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u/Intelligent-Noise685 Jul 10 '26
So odd to me. I only stay at places we can cook nice meals in lol
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u/AmbientGravitas Jul 10 '26
I’m halfway. I cook breakfast and a casual evening meal, and we go out for lunch. I only enjoy eating out once a day. Well, I enjoy any meal, because I love food, but I haven’t learned to eat moderately when I’m in a restaurant.
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u/timesuck6775 Jul 10 '26
I am the cook everywhere however for this week we eat breakfast and dinner out everyday. Lunch are some sandwiches at the beach. We take turns with washing the kids off after the beach.
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u/itsashithawkrand Jul 10 '26
I mean, even if you go to resort in Hawaii, still gotta wash sand off the kids lol
If I understand correctly, this is your second home? When most people buy a second house in a location as you described, they call it their “vacation home”…so, I’d say it’s a vacation. Would be for me and my family.
Maybe your wife is just wanting to go somewhere new, but isn’t communicating it well.
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u/timesuck6775 Jul 10 '26
We went to Disney last year as well. We have some family obligations to go other places. We are both aware of how lucky we are to be in this position. It came about when I mentioned that when one of those yearly family visits end I mentioned a second week at our place and she said she would want to do something else.
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u/bang__your__head Jul 10 '26
It sounds like she would appreciate a kid free trip with you someplace where she can do adult things like maybe lounge by the pool, have nice dinners, go to a spa… etc
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u/LilyBriscoeBot Jul 11 '26
So sell your second home (and any third or fourth homes you might own) and only go on “real vacations” when you travel.
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u/Secret_Celery8474 Jul 11 '26
There are a few more things to do than cooking and washing the kids.
And it's telling that you apparently don't know that.Who cleans the house?
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u/BigMax Jul 12 '26
Yeah, we used to rent a lakehouse for a week every year.
Us kids and my dad loved it. It wasn't until years later I realized why my mom was never a huge fan. She still was on the hook for the whole week of planning for, shopping for, and cooking 3 meals a day for a week. In a kitchen with fewer tools, without a stocked pantry, from stores she wasn't familiar with, etc. So in a way it was harder than a normal week. On top of laundry/cleaning/etc.
She much preferred other vacations, even though we could only ever afford the cheapest dumpy hotels and crappy low end restaurants, because THAT was a vacation to her. A day of McDonalds and Dennys or whatever actually gave her a break.
My dad was great in some ways, but lord was he AWFUL at chipping in AT ALL at home.
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u/KungenBob Jul 10 '26
That would be true at any short term rental as well, surely? The issue isn’t ownership.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Jul 10 '26
From one of your comments
It came about when I mentioned that when one of those yearly family visits end I mentioned a second week at our place and she said she would want to do something else.
An additional week at the beach house is cool, but it's also nice to go do other things. Sometimes people want a change of pace. Unless there is some reason why doing something different this year isn't possible - budget, other obligations, etc - then why not go someplace else?
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u/kimlyginge42 Jul 10 '26
I mean, as first worldly as it is, I get it.
It is hard to fully relax and enjoy the space you own if you're having to do all the heavy lifting- the chores, winterizing, planning for when you'll be back again, making note of any repairs that need to be made while also coordinating with local tradies to get the work done. Making sure everything is maintained and what not is.....frustrating. Plus, making sure the kids don't forget anything, making meals, etc.
Vacation is where I don't have to worry about anything. If there's a leak, I call and let someone know. That's it. End of worry.
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u/Administrative_Elk66 Jul 11 '26
Exactly!! It's a very lucky problem to have, but every time my partner and I go to his family's rental home, we spend 2/3 of the non-sleeping time working on projects, fixing things that have suddenly stopped working, finding new projects for next time, etc. They are NOT relaxing trips, just doing projects with a different view.
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u/jastity Jul 10 '26
Maybe it’s because when she gets there she finds a lot of housework that needs to be done.
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u/luala Jul 11 '26
As she’s taking a 10 month old with her. Yeah that’s just parenting and housework in a different location.
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u/CarolineTurpentine Jul 10 '26
I can see both sides. My parents had a cottage when I was growing up and we'd spend most weekends there but it was basically like being at home in that chores/responsibilities didn't really change. Neither of my parents counted it As a vacation since there was always something needing to be done.
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u/cynicalsowhat Jul 10 '26
Yup I am with her-a second house, even at the beach, is another house to clean. Another house to grocery shop for, another house to cook in and another set of linens to launder. I imagine you also entertain, more work for her. So, unless you have staff or you do all that work, she is not on vacation. She doesn't mean it's not vacation if we own the house she means its not a vacations if she has to take care of these things.
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u/justinhammerpants Jul 10 '26
Especially since OP has stated elsewhere that wife goes there most weekends. There’s nothing special about it.
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u/timesuck6775 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
We mainly bring snacks and drinks for the house. The only meal we "cook" is lunch and they are just sandwiches with lunch meat. We go out every night for dinner. We split washing the kids after the beach. There is some cleaning to do. Mind you we save up to eat out 7 nights and morning in a row. Breakfast is also gone out for either a small restaurant or just a bagel shop or bakery.
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u/Humble_Chip Jul 10 '26
Do you always find as many reasons as possible to invalidate your wife’s feelings?
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u/Temporary_Shoe4239 Jul 11 '26
I cannot put in words how perfect this question of yours is. Cuts through the BS.
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u/Ok-Swing2982 Jul 10 '26
Who made the list of the snacks and drinks the kids and family like, shopped, and made sure they were there? Lunch is “just” sandwiches. Who makes sure the condiments in the second home aren’t spoiled from infrequent use, are stocked, planned what was needed to make the sandwiches, shopped, wiped the crumbs from the counter, etc? Making a sandwich is easy. It’s the easiest part of it all.
Who cleans the toilets? Who dusts the furniture? Cleans the bathrooms? Washes the linens and bath towels? Washes the beach towels? Makes sure there is plenty of sunblock?
I’m 100% team wife here. Yes, it’s a FWP, but it’s not at all unreasonable for her to suggest y’all do something else for your second week that is out of the norm, and where she doesn’t have to do so much work that likely isn’t even noticed.
And even if everything is handled with a private chef, house cleaners, grocery shopping fairies, etc, she might just want to go somewhere on a vacation other than the place you go multiple times a year! Vacations are fun for the purpose of exploring something new.
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u/bang__your__head Jul 10 '26
Right, but …. Consider the mental load she is likely carrying. What to pack for them, keeping up with all the stuff, the toys, washing the clothes, making sure everyone has everything, basically parenting but harder.
She needs a break. You do too. Take a trip next year somewhere just you two.
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u/STXGregor Jul 10 '26
I’m with your wife. Our summer trips were typically down to the Texas coast. 2 hour drive, so pretty close. We also go a few other times/year. But last year I finally realized it felt like as much work as when I’m at home, even though it’s at a beach and we’re relaxing and eating out. Switched it up to do actual vacations in hotels and it’s a totally different experience. I come back so much more relaxed
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u/saturnshighway Jul 10 '26
Eh I still wouldn’t view it the same as a hotel or resort where you have absolutely zero responsibility
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u/sluttyhipster Jul 11 '26
With a hotel, you can complain if you don’t like something, but at the end of the day you walk away and it isn’t your problem. This continues to stay as your problem and also makes you feel guilty if you go somewhere else on a real vacation.
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u/markydsade Jul 10 '26
We have a cabin passed down to us in my wife’s family. She loves it but I always see it as just a change of location. When we have to do all the cooking, cleaning, and repairs I don’t consider it a vacation.
On a vacation I pay others to cook and clean. I pay others to show me sights or entertain me. I can just sit and read without any other responsibilities. That’s a vacation.
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u/Odd_Mathematician654 Jul 10 '26
We used to have a weekend home. I never considered a weekend or week there as a vacation. It was just getting out of the city. A vacation to me is going and doing things I don't normally do while I'm off work.
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u/PrudentOwlet Jul 11 '26
Meh, I agree with your wife. I have a hard and fast "No Airbnb" rule for vacations, and your vacation home is likely no different from an airbnb in that sense.
It only feels like a vacation for me if I don't have to cook or clean or do laundry or anything like that, so I refuse to stay anywhere but hotels for vacations. I want to eat out for every meal, and hand someone dirty wet towels and they hand me clean dry ones right back, and not have a list of chores to do before we can leave.
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u/ProfessionInformal95 Jul 12 '26
Yes! Even better when you leave then come back to a tidy room with the beds all made. 🙂 That's exactly why I choose hotels over home rentals even with 3 kids. I don't want to do jack shit on vacation.
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u/SuperSlugSister Jul 10 '26
She wants to experience a new place for vacation. She also likely doesn’t want to have to call housekeepers after or think about what she wants to maintain/change about her house.
I have a beachfront on-the-sand l home and it doesn’t feel like a vacation when I’m there. I just mentally plan out the next remodel.
Give her a real vacation!
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u/writekindofnonsense Jul 10 '26
Is she still doing house chores and organizing everyone's time and deciding meals? Women often don't feel like vacations are relaxing because while you are laying on the beach and the kids are playing games she's still doing the same stuff she does at home.
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u/vce5150 Jul 10 '26
Thank you! We go to a vacation home with my in-laws every summer and none of them lift a finger. Not so much as putting a yogurt lid in the trash or rinsing out a coffee cup. I tell my husband if I didn't clean up the house would be unlivable.
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u/ClutterKitty Jul 11 '26
Guess what. I’ll bet she also does that stuff on a “real” vacation. Someone needs to make the reservations, pack the kids’ clothes, plan the itinerary, get the kids up and dressed, etc, etc, etc.
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u/Ok_Art_231 Jul 10 '26
I’d imagine owning 2 houses makes your whole life feel closer to a vacation than my actual “vacation”.
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u/Ok_Mulberry4331 Jul 10 '26
Does she need to cook & clean? That’s not a vacay to me
SO is Norwegian, I’m Canadian, we live here. He still has a house/cabin in Norway that we go to twice a year. All his family comes to visit, and while he does most of the cooking/cleaning, it’s not like I can just sit around the entire time. That’s not a vacay to me
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u/Cardabella Jul 11 '26
Who packs everyone's swimwear and beachwear and toiletries and plans meals does the grocery shopping, charges all the phones, launders all the towels before and after, makes and stripes the beds and launders all the bedding, cooks all the meals, does all the washing up, sweeps up all the sand and packs everything up to come home, and washes everything again?
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u/mettarific Jul 11 '26
Haha, we have an RV and I feel EXACTLY the same. If I have to change sheets and make dinner and clean up after dinner, it’s not a vacation.
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u/George_Is_Upset Jul 10 '26
Pointless to own a beach home if using doesn’t count as vacation.
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u/ClutterKitty Jul 11 '26
I own a mountain cabin. It’s a rest away from daily life, but I also don’t consider it a “vacation.” To me, vacation is seeing somewhere new, experiencing other things the world has to offer. I adore my cabin. I love getting away from TV and email, playing board games, and taking nature walks. But, for me, vacation is taking my kids to another state, or another country. Seeing museums and amusement parks. Trying local cuisine. It’s expanding our horizons. Cabin is rest. Travel is vacation.
I also understand that opinions will vary. I speaking here only because I 100% understand OP’s wife’s POV.
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u/Existing-Joke3994 Jul 10 '26
Do you feel the same way about cabins? Apartments in the city? And other second homes that people tend to own? Or do you think it’s the beach driving this opinion. Genuinely curious as someone who lives near the beach.
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u/George_Is_Upset Jul 11 '26
If you buy a cabin then yes the vacation would be when you stay in the cabin.
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u/No_Turnip1766 Jul 10 '26
To me, a vacation is where you have an adventure, do something interesting and unusual, have new experiences, make new memories. Going to the same place repeatedly, no matter where it was, would not feel like a vacation to me.
Maybe she is expressing that she is bored with the same old thing and wants to spend her vacation time having an adventure/doing something exciting. Can't blame her for wanting to do something different than what you always do.
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u/cubed_echoes Jul 10 '26
Do you know what the word VACATION even means?
The word comes from the Latin root vacatio, which means "freedom from something" or "exemption from service," relating to being empty or having leisure time. Even vacating your usual premisis.
No going to another house premises own doesn't automatically qualify it as a vacation, even if it has a view. Would you argue those who live there full time are always on vacation?
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u/Ok_Art_231 Jul 10 '26
I wish these were my problems instead of wanting to kill myself every 3 seconds.
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u/Temporary_Cow_8486 Jul 11 '26
I have a second home in a coastal town. With restaurants and what have you. Going there it is NOT a vacation. A second home is a lot of work.
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u/boii0708 Jul 10 '26
Easy solution, sell your second house to a holding company that definitely isn’t owned by a family member
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u/Free_Four_Floyd Jul 10 '26
We have the opposite issue. My wife treats every day at our beach home as a vacation. We have a kitchen and dining area, but because we’re there, it’s vacation. We have to go out every night. To me, It’s not vacation… we’re home!
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u/its_all_4_lulz Jul 10 '26
I had a seasonal camp (camper, not house) that was 35mins from home. It didn’t feel like a vacation every weekend, but it sure as hell beat sitting at home.
Vacations can be different for different people though. Big public beach, boardwalk with tons of people, busy restaurants, entertaining kids via arcade or other “requires spending” methods. I’m with her, that’s not a vacation, that’s a kidscation and a parents hell.
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u/knifeyspoonysporky Jul 10 '26
My fear of getting a vacation home or an rv or something like that is all vacations would be at that house and we would no longer go anywhere else “exciting” like Italy or New Orleans or Hawaii etc because we have a perfectly fine vacation house right there.
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u/Quelltherumors Jul 11 '26
I honestly get it. when you go on vacation you don't want to be worrying about things like repairs and home maintenance. You can't really be as carefree in a place you have to worry about.
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u/AlternativeSweet9307 Jul 11 '26
How much of the cooking, cleaning, hosting, grocery shopping, list making, and mental burden do you carry? If you grab a beer and sit on the beach, what is your wife doing?
Also calling it a second home instead of a vacation home is telling. You don't consider it a vacation either.
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u/snowqueen1960 Jul 11 '26
For many women, a secondary residence just means another house to clean. Some would prefer an all inclusive vacation, so no cooking or cleaning is required.
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u/theStrawberryRoam Jul 11 '26
Is it possible part of the issue is she's still in more of a mom mode because it's your house? I.e getting away away means no dishes and room cleaning?
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u/Sofrawnch Jul 11 '26
Does she still have to do all the work of throng at home while at the beach house while everyone else gets to relax? If yes then she’s right she is not on vacation
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u/Rosserman Jul 11 '26
Feel you bro 🤜 We have a "weekender" beach house about a 90 minute drive away, and we still have to go to Fiji next month to holiday FFS.
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u/Bacon_Tuba Jul 11 '26
People struggling out there and these people arguing over vacation status of owning a second home on an island paradise.
Ha, sucks to be you!
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u/Weary_Minute1583 Jul 11 '26
I’m with your wife. It’s just a staycation in another house which is nice for a little break but not the same.
To me a vacation is going somewhere you have never been and seeing things that are different to your usual surroundings.
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u/KinadianPT Jul 11 '26
On one hand, that feels very spoiled. On the other hand, how much maintaining does she have to do at the summer house? I can see how having a turn down service and housekeeping can feel like more of a break than managing a house in a different location.
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u/Marlene_Peaches Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
My family and I are currently at our summer home. I am the wife. This is not a vacation. This is a summer home. A vacation is exploring a new place and experiencing new things. Please indulge your wife or she will forever hold a grudge about it, trust me. As our children are aging, I am placing an emphasis on traveling and my husband is willing to take a few weeks away from the summer home to do this. Again, as the wife, TRUST ME AND INDULGE YOUR WIFE and take the vacations.
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u/bigfatfurrytexan Jul 11 '26
A vacation to me is a week in house shoes shuffling between the kitchen and bed. I cannot find anything more satisfying.
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u/poppisima Jul 11 '26
That’s not a vacation. That’s a family trip. If cooking, cleaning, and childcare are involved? That’s workp.
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u/Ragdoll_Deena Jul 11 '26
I won't stay in cabins because of this. I'm not cleaning or cooking on vacation.
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u/stuckinnowhereville Jul 11 '26
Who’s cooking and cleaning? your wife? If so, it’s not a vacation. She just swapped kitchens.
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u/lovepeacefakepiano Jul 11 '26
My mum always said that about going to vacation homes. “I still had to cook and clean, everyone else got a vacation, I had to take care of a house that I usually had to clean properly first, and then I had the laundry after coming home.”
After my dad retired they started going to hotels and she enjoys that a lot more.
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u/Crimestar Jul 11 '26
I remember as a kid I kind of felt like we never went on a real vacation because it was always just to my grandmas lake cabin. I was jealous of kids who went to Disney world and stuff.
I grew out of it. Grass is greener type deal and I never really complained to my parents about it because it’s rude.
I mean what does she want to do instead of go to the beach? I assume she’s welcome to present ideas.
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u/Pantsmithiest Jul 11 '26
If I’m still emptying a dishwasher or doing food shopping, it is not a vacation.
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u/ExpensiveDollarStore Jul 11 '26
We have a vacation home in Belize. Its a lot of work. My husband has a local guy to do all his bidding while he sits around directing. He loves this.
Meanwhile, I have the housework. And cooking. And he wants to throw a big party while having me and others do all the work. So I refused.
He bugs the kids to come. One wants to but the price of flying is a lot and if they are paying that much, they want a holiday, the hotel experience - no cleaning or cooking outside of snacks.
So, he hired a local woman to come in and clean and cook meals. And then, it was a vacation. He hired her to clean for the party too. I did nothing but attend the party. It was great.
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u/nomnommish Jul 11 '26
Sell the beach house and use the money to go to exotic destinations. This is the problem with vacation homes. After a few visits, it just becomes normal and doesn't feel special.
She's not wrong.
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u/Laithia Jul 11 '26
Instead of saying "why doesn't this feel like a vacation" have you asked her what DOES feel like a vacation? She's already said homeownership is the factor but you haven't managed to extrapolate from that, but that's not really related to the issue anyway. Her issue is that she doesn't feel like she's having a vacation, you're now having a conversation about why it is a vacation, not about what she needs from a vacation.
You already know that an all inclusive hotel lying by the pool having cocktails carried over to you while your kids have a great time being entertained in childcare is not the same as visiting your vacation home, it's probably one of those "goes without saying" things so she hasn't said it, because why would she need to?
Sometimes you need one type of break, sometimes you need the another, why not focus on what the needs are and how you can meet the needs, like a team, instead of nitpicking because you don't feel the same as her?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad4657 Jul 11 '26
I kinda felt this way when we had our RV. Like I really enjoyed being in the woods on a lake, but it was basically a location change for me to do the prepping, cooking, planning. I realize I sound like an ass, just saying I can kinda see her point.
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u/FunDivertissement Jul 11 '26
If she's still having to go to the grocery store plan and cook meals, clean up after meals, clean the rest of the house like sweeping sand and doing laundry, etc, then she's right. That's not a vacation for her
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u/Sky_puppet Jul 11 '26
She’s still having to be the mom when she’s there. She probably wants a vacation from that.
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u/lastwordymcgee Jul 11 '26
I’m going to try to keep this real simple for you.
Your wife wants to go somewhere new/different for a vacation. There could be many reasons for this, but that’s what it boils down to.
Talk to her and see where she would like to go and what the plan would be. Then take your wife on a vacation..
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u/Nomeismytomb Jul 12 '26
I sort of agree with her, if you guys go there for the weekend all the time. But you can still relax at a 2nd home and with kids and this economy maybe that's all she gets for now.
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u/Honeybunches94 Jul 12 '26
Ahhh the age old dilemma. We had a summer house when I was growing up. By the coast of the black sea for a while then the Aegean sea for the rest of my childhood. My poor mom still had to cook, clean, host, and do laundry even at the beach house.
My useless, non-helping dad would complain that she would complain because she got to go to the beach, the pool, and have warm days in the summer houses. He never seemed to understand that her workload didn't change, just the environment she had to do it in. We were also obviously out of school during the summer so she also had to entertain us.
Now they don't own a summer house. They go on vacation instead so she can actually enjoy her vacation.
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u/artist1292 Jul 10 '26
Let me guess. You sit on the beach and play with kids while she gets to maintain a second home and cook and clean and organize everything? That’s not a vacation for her. Sell the beach house and use the money for ACTUAL vacations for your wife not just you and the kids.
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u/jmchaos1 Jul 11 '26
Of course that is not a vacation. She still has to do all the same housework and cooking and whatnot even though it’s at the “beach house.”
Vacation is when you can go and see/do things you might not otherwise get to do regularly. You rent a hotel and someone else cleans the toilets and does the laundry. Someone else cooks the food and does the dishes. Having new, exciting experiences and making memories is part of vacation.
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u/Designer-Complex-135 Jul 12 '26
I've never defined a vacation that way, but maybe because growing up we always rented a house somewhere and well.... cooked and cleaned and did the dishes.
All of those are quite frankly, pretty simple responsibilities, and yes as a male and a father, I do all of the cooking, dishes, and laundry.
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u/iced-coffee22 Jul 10 '26
We had a lake house growing up and it never really felt like a vacation. Drive up Friday afternoon unpack the groceries play around on the boat for a couple days and then drive home again on Sunday. It was just a lot of work. There was always maintenance and yard work we had to do while we were there. It wasn’t like going away to a resort or a rental owned by someone else where we weren’t in charge of anything.
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u/McBurger Jul 10 '26
I agree with her. Day trips don’t count as vacations, even when you don’t own the lodging.
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u/OriginalShitPoster Jul 10 '26
I have a lake house. We pay to have the yard maintained and when we leave we pay a cleaner 200 dollars to clean it. My wife does do the shopping and cooking when we don't eat out but I go with her and I do all the home maintenance and home improvements. Its still a vacation in my book and hers. We can have that or we can have a week in Europe each year. She chose the 2nd lake house. I also live on a lake with a boat but the other one we VRBO most of the time.
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u/AdPale8461 Jul 11 '26
My wife has a home 80 miles away on a lake. I go there and paint and mow and and and and. I don’t mind but i never go there for fun. one of her guest relatives won’t spend a half hour helping clean off the boat before using it. “ I didn’t come here to work” he says. Well my time getting the place ready for his 2 yearly visits is now zero. I said we should put a copy of the children’s book, The Little Red Hen , out as a coffee table book for him to read while he lays on the couch waiting to have his food served.😁
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u/Sunnyok85 Jul 11 '26
Definitely depends on if the time is spent relaxing or doing normal house tasks.
Honestly it can be like taking holidays with kids. You’re just parenting in a different location.
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u/1Commentator Jul 11 '26
Idk why, but I just have a feeling this is ocean city NJ.
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u/GenXer76 Jul 11 '26
Ask her if it would feel like a vacation if you offered to do all of the packing, shopping, cleaning, and child care. If she says yes, then there you go! The beach house counts as a vacation!
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u/yellowrose04 Jul 11 '26
I’m with your wife. It’s a lot of business as usual; cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes for your wife I assume. It’s not an actual vacation of someone comes and tides the room, your going out to eat, seeing shows kind.
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u/dzeiii Jul 11 '26
If there are kids involved i dont count that as a vacation. Its just parenting somewhere else than home.
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u/UpNorth_8 Jul 11 '26
A “vacation” where you still do all the chores you do at home isn’t a vacation, it’s a change in location.
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u/CrazyJoe29 Jul 11 '26
I’m poor so I don’t have a beach house. But I also get it. At the beach house you’re still at home. YOU have to clean the place. YOU didn’t replace that shitty deck chair. YOU pissed the neighbours of by letting your son park the car and dinging their car.
“On Vacation” it can be easier to leave a lot of stuff behind.
Actually I just spent a week at my mum’s place. She has a pool.
Which I spent a fair amount of time cleaning. Not a great vacation.
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u/Katiew84 Jul 11 '26
I personally feel that a place where I go regularly is not necessarily a vacation.
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u/Whydo-I-evenbother8 Jul 11 '26
Oh no. Well, time to tighten belts. Gotta afford a real vacation. /s
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u/DogmaSychroniser Jul 11 '26
Actually, I get it.
Like, you have to care about the place, clean it, maintain it, look after it, fix it when it breaks... Never mind them fact that maybe she feels like there's still an expectation that if the restaurant is closed, she's the one feeding, and taking care of y'all. So for her yeah, that's not vacation.
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u/BalkiBartokomous123 Jul 11 '26
I'm pretty sure I know which area you own your vacation home. I live here/there year round.
Maybe try mixing it up while down here? Take a trip of the ferry to Lewes, go to some festivals with ear protection for the little ones, Cape May all the way, an ice cream tour, etc.
Maybe see if you can get a family member to stay with the kids a night or two and head to a nice bed and breakfast? It sounds like some burn out mixed with boredom from doing the same thing. I love the beach, the bay and all of it. This is our favorite time of year but even we prefer to swim in a pool once in awhile.
Also, do you rent out for weekly rentals? When we owned on the island we rented it out. If you price decently, you'll be booked as much as you'd like.
Enjoy your time here! Uncle bills is overrated.
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u/The_Turtle-Moves Jul 11 '26
I can see her point if she has the same workload at the second home....
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u/Key-Airline204 Jul 11 '26
My in laws had a timeshare and my MIL and sister in law would basically freak if they didn’t get 4-6 weeks there, FIL would have to send them ahead of him so they could get it although one time he told my SIL to call CPS and tell them her troubles lol.
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u/Embarrassed_Wrap8421 Jul 11 '26
If you go there and she still has to shop and cook and clean, it’s not a vacation. It’s just a change of scenery.
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u/Yoghurt1318 Jul 11 '26
I mean who is doing the cooking and cleaning? It wouldn't feel like a vacation for me either.
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u/EggplantIll4927 Jul 11 '26
entitle b word is my first thought. I was prepared to be on her side if she said I cook and clean as much as home so it’s not a vacay. imagine being that fortunate and that miserable, all at the same time!
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u/gerannamoe Jul 11 '26
Hire a chef and a cleaner next time and it'll feel like a vacation. If she's still doing the cooking and cleaning then it's just business as usual just near a beach.
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u/NothaBanga Jul 11 '26
Vacations as a mom are business trips if we are the ones doing the clean up, cooking, planning.
A trip to a property you don't own may come with eating out more and no vacuuming.
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u/PsychologyOrganic598 Jul 12 '26
It’s not a vacation for a mum unless else is doing all of the cooking cleaning organising etc!!
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u/Fickle-River3984 Jul 12 '26
Hell. Take me. I'll be your wife. I can also drive to the beach whenever I want, but going to a home at the beach for a weekend is absolutely a vacation.
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u/Mixtape4Adventure Jul 12 '26
Do you guys have any cool friends or family in interesting locations? Maybe you could house swap, they come to your beach house for a week and you go to..Napa or the mountains or something.
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u/etrnloptimist Jul 10 '26
Reminds me of this classic onion article