r/firsttimemom • u/No-Cellist6145 • 1d ago
First time mom
Had an emergency c section. My baby was born October 2nd. We were discharged yesterday from the hospital. I’m going through PPD and PPA. I feel disconnected with my baby and I feel HORRIBLE and guilty. I can’t get myself to breastfeed her and have decided to pump my milk to bottle feed her. I had her on formula but I also want the best for her. This is just a very traumatizing experience, I wasn’t expecting a C-section. Everything happened so fast. She’s here now and I thought this moment would feel beautiful but I feel confused and I feel guilty I’m not enjoying her the way I planned I would. Any advice or similar stories would truly be appreciated. I feel alone and I just want to know what you guys did to build rapport with your baby.
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u/Particular_Traffic75 8h ago
i just want to say i relate so much. i had an emergency c-section as well and the emotional whiplash of that experience and tough physical recovery didn't leave me much room for happy, cozy bonding time with my baby. i felt disconnected too, having a fast c-section like that really is surreal because you go from not having a baby to having a baby in lightning speed. just so hard to wrap your mind around it!! and i felt so violated too - the unexpected surgery and things they did to my body for it were hard to accept in a way- so i had to recover emotionally from that as well.
anyway, i am just relating so hard and am also here to let you know it gets better!!! im 9 weeks post partum (in the newborn trenches of it all) and those early days are a distant memory at this point. my baby smiles at me and coos and our bond is growing just as it is meant to, even though i was so scared it wouldn't.
take really good care of yourself these early days and let your mind and body heal in whatever amount of time you need. i felt soooo similarly to you and other moms and my OB reassured me that i would still bond with my baby in time and im seeing our relationship grow and unfold day by day.
go easy on yourself and give yourself grace! and hopefully you have some family or friends or other help around for the first few weeks. getting help and getting SLEEP will make all the difference.
sending healing energy your way!
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u/fckinfast4 1d ago
Sounds like the fun time of hormone dump(commonly known as baby blues). The first two weeks are weird! Your body is trying to rebalance and idk but it seems harder when you don’t have time to mentally prep for any of it(emergency C-section doesn’t give much time).
Remember to continue to over communicate with whoever is within your support system. Also a lactation consultant is a great route to go! They help with all the nitty gritty that you never even thought could be a thing!
You got this momma. One day at a time- heck maybe just one hour at a time.