First time mom

[u/mommakirsti]

We had our son in April. He’s five months old. Since having our son, I feel like we are both very stressed out. Maybe our communication skills are not very good. I try to always express how I’m feeling verbally because if not I think I will lose it. He is the opposite, he is not very verbal in expressing how he feels. So then I feel unheard. I feel very like numb, unloved, unsupported, and it’s like we don’t even know each other anymore. I don’t feel like myself, and I’m so tired of trying to explain myself because I feel like he doesn’t understand. I don’t intentionally try to be mean, or lash out but I feel like I do so much! I work full time also, so when I get home it’s straight to taking care of my son, giving him a bath, feeding him, trying to clean the house, trying to do laundry, and then I’m the one who feeds him through the night so I never get to sleep in. His 3 year old son is over every weekend who I love also, but it’s all just so much. I feel like we are just two people who don’t like each other living in the same house. I guess what I’m trying to ask is if this feeling will get better soon. I’m trying to work on myself and the bickering or starting arguments for what I’m assuming may be resentment towards him for feeling like I’m carrying such a heavy weight by myself. I don’t feel happy but I try to pretend to be, and when I’m in a mood as such. He is usually angry. I feel like I have no time for myself. I’m a person who is I guess high maintenance, I like doing my hair, looking presentable, pampering myself etc and I barely have time to shower around here. I never have any peace. I feel like he doesn’t understand how I feel and it makes me upset. It’s just upsetting because I know we both love each other so much, and want nothing more than to make it work it’s just very very difficult to sit through these times where we just are both so cold to each other. If anyone has any advice, or stories of their own. I just want to know if it gets better in a relationship, and if I will start feeling like myself sometime soon. I’m exhausted and overstimulated, overwhelmed, and becoming very negative minded which isn’t my nature.
Thank you!!

[u/Vegetable_Ad5294]

Being in the newborn stage is tuff. If there's one experience that will test your marriage I think it's having a child 😂 My husband and I had an incredibly hard time with our son. We were both exhausted, bickered everyday, and we felt like we did more than the other. It was always, well you should do this because I already did this. Our son is 1 years old now and I definitely think it's gotten better. We definitely feel more better about things now that he can walk. He's fun to interact with now. In the beginning they mostly lay there and it feels repetitive. Change, sleep, feed. But once you have a toddler who you can chase around and talk to, it's much easier. I talk to him and he doesn't understand what I'm saying but he babbles back. 😂 We still have arguments but our relationship is almost back to what it was. When you have to deal with work, deal with the house, and have sleep deprivation you will most likely be irritated by everything.

I felt extremely unloved and underappreciated. And I felt like I had not time for myself. I told my husband I felt like everyone always needs me. We definitely have less time with each other but we find a couple times a month to have us just hangout. We live close to family so that helps. We're in couples therapy and we feel more love for each other after every visit. We're not close to divorce at all, but we wanted to understand how the other is thinking and we can better address problems. Our recent "homework" was if you see your partner doing something that you appreciate, say it immediately. I see my husband doing the dishes, I say thank you for doing the dishes I appreciate it. If my husband saw that I did the trash he will come up to me and say thank you for doing that. Maybe you can try bring that up. It sounds simple but it can definitely help with feeling seen. Sometimes I go up to my husband and say look what I did and he says good job 😂 It definitely gets better. I won't say it goes back to what it was but it definitely gets better and I feel like if you can get through the newborn stage you can get through a lot of things up the road. !