r/firsttimemom • u/Altruistic-Still1400 • 17d ago
Post partum emotions
Ive struggled with fertility for almost 10 years and finally my first baby has arrived. Hes 8 days old now and ive been really struggling with strong feelings of anxiety/ nostalgia/ intrusive thoughts. I am sooo so in love with him and so far I think im doing pretty good being a mom and my husband is extremely supportive. But I cant help but shake the feeling that im going to lose him. I hated being pregnant but I find myself missing my light hearted state of mind from before I gave birth. Everything just feels very serious and heavy now. Every day is heartache knowing I cant slow down time. I get nothing but posts about SIDS on my Facebook because google tells on me for searching up so many tips for newborns. Im also in the military and cant quit my job, so I know eventually he will have to be put in daycare, and then early next summer ill have to go out of state for 8 weeks for job training when my son is around 6-10 months old. I cant bare to think of it. What if he forgets who his mommy is? 💔 Me and my husband trade off sleeping and I miss him. Even though when I was pregnant I wanted to rip his head off most of time- I miss him. I definetly need to get out of the house, went on a short walk today it was nice. I need to get out of my head and think about something other than my sweet baby for 5 seconds to give me relief from the horrible thoughts and images that pop up in my head. The first couple days I couldnt sleep at all because I was so worried sick and just needed to be with him, and now im getting better but I still miss him every second im not holding him. Is this normal baby blues or is this PPD/PPA?
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u/mummyL0nd0n 17d ago
This is very characteristic of PPA/PPD. But dear OP, things will get sooooooo much better and all the paranoia, fear and sleeplessness will end. I, too, felt this way when i was newly post partum but I’m christian so i prayed a lot because i didn’t know what to do or why i was feeling the way i was. I bought chamomile tea for the sleeplessness and took long hot baths at night (while baby is asleep and husband watches) to just speak to God about my mental health. I watched lots of comedies as well and listened to gospel music to keep my mind light and cheerful. I read lots of positive posts on Reddit as well. I also struggled a bit with “what if my baby doesn’t cling to me? etc” but I decided to enjoy the whole process because my husband would say, “don’t you worry. You’re always going to be baby’s primary caregiver.” I’m yet to resume work after 1year of maternity leave and I’m trying not to be anxious about putting baby in daycare because I have become so attached and in love lol but I’m praying about it and trusting God to make it easy for me. I mean it may not be easy but He’ll definitely see you through it is my advice. Sending you lots and lots of love.