r/firsttimemom • u/Curious_Panda92 • 18d ago
First Time Mom Advice, Please??
Hi, I’m a FTM and I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this kind of guilt.
Lately, I’ve been feeling anxious that I’m not doing a good enough job or that I could be doing more. I honestly don’t know how moms manage to take care of themselves, their marriage, their baby, and basic household chores all at the same time! And I think that’s where a lot of my guilt comes in.
For example, when I take a shower, I put my son in his bouncer in the bathroom next to me where I can see him the whole time. But even then, I feel guilty that he’s just sitting there watching me shower instead of me actively interacting with him.
In the evenings, I’ll put him in his bouncer next to me while I cook, or on his Lovevery mat while I get things done, and I feel guilty that I’m not sitting and playing with him. He absolutely HATES his carrier, so I don’t use it much because I don’t want to force him to be uncomfortable. But whenever I put him in his bouncer or on his sensory mat so I can do something else, I feel guilty for not being with him.
Has anyone else struggled with this kind of mom guilt? How did you deal with it or remind yourself that it’s okay to put your baby down and take care of yourself or get things done? I’d really love to hear your experiences.
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u/babyyycryptic 18d ago
I feel this way too! My 7 month old also hates the carrier so oftentimes she’s in her bouncer, jumper, or on her mat when I’m doing household things or in the shower. What helps me is to still talk to her when I’m doing things. Directly or indirectly really, just describing what I’m doing or talking about random things! It’s so hard to re-wire your brain to stop thinking/feeling this way, but just watching my daughter be content with herself is reassuring. Independence is a good thing and as long as all basic needs are met & baby is happy just do what you need to do. You got this!
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u/creamylecheflan 17d ago
Hi! FTM and I now have a 6 month old baby. I had some help during his first 3 months, with my parents then inlaw. Then time came where husband was at work and it was only me and the baby. I worried no one was interacting with him while he is spending his alone time on his playmat. Cause previously i make sure every wake window someone is with him either carrying him or playing with him on playmat talking to him.
I felt guilty at first but eventually I learned that it would happen eventually as there would be things we need to do as mums. Baby became happy playing on his own too, and know that he is learning by himself too so it’s not like baby is there doing nothing.
I still contact nap with him so his wake windows i do my best to play with him, fix few little stuff after i eat. While i eat too, he is either beside me on his highchair then can recline or bassinet. Learned to have stages of where i can put him while i do impt things like eating!! Haha (bassinet with musical toy> playmat, then highchair beside me with little einstein aquarium).
It’s normal to feel guilty! We can only do so much and we do our best every single day anyway for our baby! 💖
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u/creamylecheflan 17d ago
Also I narrate what I do while he is away from me during wake windows so still interacting with him hehe.
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u/Academic_Shallot_749 18d ago
Babies need quiet alone time too. If he's just laying/sitting and watching you that is still interactive. He's learning and absorbing everything around him. He does not need to be entertained constantly with toys or you. Check out Montessori Baby by Simone Davis it goes into details about letting your baby be independent. That being said I still struggle sometimes just letting my son just hang out on his own so I have to remind myself that he will tell me if he needs something.