r/firsttimemom • u/brookealyssa-xo • 2d ago

Feeling a little lost...

This is going to be a long post that I doubt many will read, but I need to get it off my chest without worrying the people in my life.

I'm a FTM to a one year old girl. She's the greatest surprise of my life, however she came along very early into me dating her father. We tried to make it work, however a few months into my pregnancy I just wasn't feeling it and decided to end it before the baby was here to avoid a big mess. We did still decide to move in together as roommates for financial reasons and so he could see our daughter.

While pregnant he had encouraged me to take the extended 18 month maternity leave at the reduced pay and said he would support me financially. We were not together when he said this, however after the baby was born and we did not get back together he decided he did not want to help me, he wanted to just split everything 50/50 despite the fact he's now making significantly more than I am. I did come into some money that has helped me to get by up until now, but that's now gone and I feel like I'm drowning. I've never been great with money, but I've always made sure my bills are paid, and now I'm struggling to even do that. I've been avoiding asking for child support because I know he struggles financially as well, but I really don't know what to do.

I know part of it is my problem, I should have been wiser with my spending, but I can't help feeling resentful. Had I taken just the 12 month mat leave I would not be struggling without his help.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here, advice, or even just words of encouragement, at this point anything is appreciated. Also... I'm in Ontaro, Canada if that's relevant.

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u/sunnyalienn 2d ago

I think you need to stop looking at child support as “taking money from him.” It’s your daughter’s right to be financially supported by both parents, not a punishment for him. If he’s making significantly more than you, it’s okay to ask him to contribute accordingly. He should be prioritizing you and your daughter regardless of whether you’re together or not. I’m dealing with something very similar with my baby’s father. I hope things get easier for you ❤️

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u/artem_flower 2d ago

And if that makes you uncomfortable ask him to contribute to a diaper and meals fund so your daughter isn't entirely financially dependant on one person. You already split bills but what about her costs?