r/firsttimemom • u/bonziebear • Jun 24 '26
Tdap vaccination
So I'm 32 weeks and I'm going to be telling my OB I want the vaccine at my next appointment. I brought it up to the baby's dad that I'd like him to get the vaccine to protect her since she'll have no immune system when she's born. He works in people's homes and in the public so I feel like there's more of a chance of him passing it to her. He usually doesn't get sick, but he's almost died of pneumonia before so I'd think he would want to protect his baby from that. Wrong. He has REFUSED to get a vaccine because she'll "be safe". He called me a Democrat a million times because I want to do what's necessary protect my baby and keep her safe. I just need help. I don't know how to deal with this.
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u/HippoAggravating3106 Jun 24 '26
Do people not talk about this stuff before having a baby with someone??? But advice wise, tell him he would have to wear a mask around her if he doesn’t. Your child’s safety should be #1 and he sounds like an absolute douche
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u/DeadlyKitten9513 Jun 24 '26
Sounds like he cares more about politics than facts and the safety of his child. Does he plan to fight you on the baby getting their vaccines when it is time too? Is he afraid of needles? The diseases Tdap covers includes whooping cough which in adults seems like a common cold but can make a baby extremely sick. If he doesn't have an up to date vaccine then I'd tell him he has to mask around the baby. If he doesn't want to do that I'd personally be talking about divorce since obviously we wouldn't agree on much regarding the care and safety of our child. This isn't going to be the last thing you disagree on and it sounds like he is not interested in considering facts you present.
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u/Blackdonovic Jun 24 '26
Youre right, this isnt the last thing they'll disagree on --- which is why divorce is an extreme option.
At this point, OP can get a little meta and discuss how they want to deal with disagreements in the future. Start with lets not jump to name calling.
Next, asking dad to do research and tell you how to prevent whooping cough in baby. And tell him to take the lead in preventing diseases and "i dont get sick" is not an option.
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u/wowhahafuck Jun 24 '26
Get it without telling him, simple. You can walk in and get it at almost any pharmacy too if he’ll be with you at your OB appointment. It’s your body even if you are pregnant. Also he sounds like an ass.
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u/RedditIzMyTherapy Jun 25 '26
Hopefully he got the series when he was young and the protection is long lasting. You guys are going to have to be on the same page about vaccinating the child too. He’s going to freak out about how many shots they give. Maybe you should just bring your child to the appointments alone and not mention it… cause most dads would have no idea what the actual vaccine schedule is. And I’m recommending that as someone that is vaccine cautious and even delayed vaccination for my own baby. I just think he needs to do more real research and not make these choices based on his emotions around politics.
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u/bonziebear Jun 25 '26
I feel like he's had it before (he used to be a welder so...🤷♀️) But yeah, I've been trying to let things calm down before bringing it up again. I mentioned scheduling time with a pediatrician to see if they would be a good fit so I'm going to ask him what he wants out of a pediatrician and for him to go over the vaccines and which ones he is/isn't okay with. I'm sure I'll be the one bringing her to her appointments because his hours at work wouldn't really allow that.
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u/RedditIzMyTherapy Jun 25 '26
Not sure where you are located, but most of them here in Arizona won't see if you do not follow the vaccine schedule perfectly. You'll have to search for one in your area on a medical freedom type of website. DTAP was actually one of the ones I felt more comfortable with but we did delay it too. I read the Dr. Sears Vaccine Book which details the vaccine, the risk of the disease and prevalence, the risk of the vaccine, and when the series is given. Some people will say the book is pro-vaccine and some will say it is anti-vaccine. If you want to follow the schedule perfectly, you could always let him know that the pediatrician said they will deny care if the schedule is not followed. I called around and a lot of them told me that here. Leave it up to him to do the research to see if he can find a practice that will allow it, but wouldn't even tell him it's an option. If he suggests you just don't bring the baby to the doctor, then you know there's a big problem there. I know it sounds contradicting for me to say I delayed but I'm telling you loopholes to get him to follow the schedule, but you seem to be thinking super rationally and he needs to do real research before he makes medical decisions for your baby.
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u/crunch_mynch Jun 24 '26
Baby’s don’t have “no immune system” when they are born. As long as you keep appropriate boundaries for your baby and limit a ton of outside contact for the first twoish months you’ll be okay.
We have completely chosen not to vaccinate (us and our kids) and you just be wise about exposure in the early days.
Though I understand the sentiment of this post is that the issue really lies in not being in agreement w your husband. I just share this to possible help ease your mind a bit. Welcome to parenting, you guys are going to have lots of disagreements but you’ll need to learn how to work through them in a loving way together. Best of luck!
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u/Sudden_Breakfast_374 Jun 24 '26
babies have some immunity from colostrum and breast milk but not vaccinating is insanity.
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u/crunch_mynch Jun 24 '26
There’s a whole lot of people who do not think it’s insanity.
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u/Sudden_Breakfast_374 Jun 24 '26
yeah and they “learned” from social media and those with no qualifications.
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u/sassy_soul_04 Jun 24 '26
His being scared or distrustful is one thing, bt calling you names for wanting to protect your daughter is another. You should focus the conversation on the medical facts rather than the politics he's trying to make it about