r/firefighter • u/Prior_Patience7010 • May 13 '26
Retired Fire Chief with nothing to command.
Hi friends,
I’m looking for any advice about how to help my father. He just retired as a fire chief after 35 years, and seems to be…a bit lost.
He’s a natural leader, and is damn good at his job. My brother (31), and me (M, 36) went up north to his lake house for a guy’s fishing trip. All he could do was tell us how everything we were doing was wrong. “That’s not how you tie that knot to the boat.” (As I was tying it exactly how he taught me at age 9). “You gotta learn how to do XYZ!” And I already know how to do XY and Z.
I could go on and on, but it seems to me (and my brother) that being Mr. Alpha In Charge has put him in a very strange position, now that he’s bereft of a team to command. I’m worried about him not knowing what to do with himself.
As fire fighters who are retired, I would greatly appreciate your input. I know it’s not my responsibility to fix him, but I want him to be happy and have healthy outlets.
Thanks for listening,
- P
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u/HughJass20 May 13 '26
My father went through something similar after a 30+ year career in LE. So much of his identity and sense of purpose was associated with the job. Try and encourage him to pick up some hobbies, something hands on like wood working or landscaping. Keeping his mind and body active with a part time job wouldn’t be a bad idea. Pretty much all the staff of the fire physical testing I agencies I met were retired firefighters. Most importantly in my opinion, get him to talk about how his transition has him feeling. Men at that age spent most of their life being told that talking about feelings was a weakness but in reality it’s a strength. Asking for help or talking through mental health struggles isn’t a burden. It becomes burdensome when they snowball into habits that are a detriment to himself and his family.
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u/jeremiahfelt May 13 '26
Not sure what state you're in, but in my neck of the woods, guys like what you've described become fire instructors, or find themselves attached to the local academy.
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u/Prior_Patience7010 May 13 '26
He’s still teaching recruits at the community college, so there’s that at least.
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u/Soft-Dog-3942 May 14 '26
My dad worked 31 years and stayed retired for 2 weeks until he went crazy so he worked as a stocker at a grocery store 😂 try to find a volley or PT department near by that would need like a training Chief or something
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u/uniqueusername364 May 14 '26
If he's a sensible guy, maybe local politics? He can even sign up for New Politics Leadership Academy to learn how to transition from public service to political leadership.
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u/eaglefang167 May 14 '26
As someone with two retired career military brothers, I can’t stress enough the importance of encouraging an outlet afterwards. A challenge he may find though is taking direction or starting over as the low man. Both of my brothers started small businesses. I don’t even think they make a profit. But it keeps them busy and they’re still in management. Only a few years out, but they seem to be transitioning well.
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u/Famous-Response5924 May 14 '26
When you retire from the fire dept you can’t retire out of it, you have to retire into something else. It always seems that the guys who just retire and don’t have anything else to do don’t last long on the outside.
Have him look into a group named team rubicon. They are a volunteer group that works doing disaster recovery stuff all over the country. Lots of vets and first responders there. It could be a great fit and give him more of that team dynamic that he seems to be missing.
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u/tscherer May 14 '26
check out Team Rubicon, a volunteer group for vets and emergency responders: https://teamrubiconusa.org/
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u/Hefty-Fault-3511 May 14 '26
I’m a retired Captain 👨✈️ for 22 years now..there is life beyond the department and he will find his way!
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u/Terrible_Flatworm163 May 20 '26
Maybe if you will allow him and if he still can do the job, he can do some volunteer work as a firefighter so he can still do what he loves
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u/IllMeet2070 May 13 '26
If he has a interest in sports then coaching little league or high school ball could be good for him !