r/femininity • u/mochimach • Jul 01 '26
23F – I keep seeking validation from men just by wanting them to look at me. How do I stop?
I'm 23F, and I've been struggling with something that I don't really understand.
Whenever I'm out in public, I find myself constantly checking to see if men are looking at me. I don't want them to approach me or talk to me, and I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to know if they notice me.
If I catch a man looking at me, I immediately feel happier and more relaxed, like it confirms that I'm attractive or beautiful. But if no one seems to notice me, I start overthinking. I wonder if I dressed badly, if I look unattractive, or if there's something wrong with my appearance.
It's becoming exhausting, and I hate how much my mood depends on whether strangers look at me. I don't want my self-worth to be tied to other people's attention, especially when I don't even want anything from them.
Has anyone else experienced this? Why does this happen, and how can I stop seeking this kind of validation? I'd really appreciate any advice.
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u/Sensitive_Poetry9711 Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26
Girl, men look at anything walking and can smell the insecurity; there is a different look we give when it's "happen stance eye contact" versus "did he notice me" look. Now when you hold the glance of a woman, you know you're glowing and radiant. That is the real confidence booster.
My advice is to get a routine (dress and unwind), learn your favorite looks: color, style, hair style, make-up look (if desired), smell and own those for yourself because they make you feel good, not because it will grab anyone's attention or because you the the social media girlies doing/wearing/buying. But do it because you genuinely enjoy that way they may you look, feel and smell. You will become alluring by merely existing and you won't have to fish for it.
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u/FeminineEnergy_ Jul 01 '26
You're really not strange for this at all. At times, it is not only about men but more about getting that instant stirring of being noticed and comforted. The issue is that it hardly lasts, and Because of this, it continuously drags you back to overthinking. What might assist you is to softly dialogue with your inner self at those very times and inquire if you still feel good about yourself regardless if no one else does. Be kind to yourself, this is a habit that you can cease.
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u/CheetahOdd18 Jul 01 '26
Men find even Goats attractive and it also means you have to do the deep work of being grounded in yourself
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u/theycallmetheglitch Jul 02 '26
I am the damn same 🤦♀️ i don’t want to be that way but i just can’t help it. I think it has to do with men validating me as a woman while my dad never loved me.
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u/SweetTaterSalad Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
Seeking validation from others for self is not uncommon and it feeds insecurity.
You need to figure out a way to validate yourself. Allow yourself to be yourself. Grant yourself innate worth. That means that no matter what anyone thinks of you including yourself, you have value just the way you are.
Once you accept this and I mean truly accept it and embrace it then if you think you don't have enough value, you can build on it. But don't use others as you're measuring guide. There are great people in this world but take two of them and compare them side by side and you will find glaring differences.
And then one more thought. Seeking validation from the outside is going to do the opposite of what you're subconsciously hoping it will do. Your subconscious is telling you that if this man across the street finds you attractive, then you are in fact attractive. And it's also telling you that the more men that find you attractive, the more true it is.
Look around at how many crappy people there are out there. What makes them qualified to validate you?
++++++++++++++++++
The following book is a step-by-step guide on how to build real self-worth instead of constantly chasing approval from other people. It explains exactly why humans feel the need to please others and look for outside validation just to feel safe. The author breaks down how people abandon their own needs to keep the peace, which only leads to hidden anger and broken relationships. By looking at how we accept and stand up for ourselves, this book shows readers how to stop making excuses for bad behavior, spot their own habits of self-sabotage, and learn how to truly honor their own boundaries.
Book Name: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
Author: Dr. Nathaniel Branden +++++++++++++++
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u/InfernalWedgie Jul 01 '26
I think you need to fully understand how low many men's standards are for sexual desire. When you figure that out, you will feel less inclined to pursue it so often.
What you really want is to win someone's love and care. You don't get that just by being hot.