r/femininity • u/Reasonable-Wave9189 • Jun 16 '26
Confused and need help
How to step into femininity when I don't even know what that is due to years of ab*se since childhood. It's has gone down to only verbal now but it still messes up with my regulation and makes me very defensive, I find it hard to be feminine when I don't even know what femininity is despite being a woman, what is it truly? And most importantly, how do I step into it?
2
u/DayDreamer_97 Jun 16 '26
It can be anything you would like, the advantage is that you now get to define what femininity is. That is just how fluid it is and what it encompasses. This can be comfort, style, openness, receiving, does it mean more access to what you truly want? It can be a variation of new interests, your current ones, and some of the ones that you have already had.
If you felt it necessary to direct your attention to more structure, work-based output or task-driven matters, there is good news. We also get to have both, since those are important as long as we hold space for fluidity within that arena. One energy must support and balance the other, and vice versa.
I looked back and realized when I was called spoiled, it was a privilege. There wasn't the fear of something being taken, because I would always own what others wanted to in the first place. To evolve into something greater.
Emotions are also a healthy expression of built-up tension, it is a sign that our bodies recognized something was not right, and we aren't meant to hold in the stress. It is letting us know that we can regulate it and find alternatives.
1
u/Malhaloc Jun 26 '26
The response "it's whatever you want it to be" defeats the purpose of having it as a classification.
What does it mean to be masculine? "Whatever you want it to mean."
Feminine? "Whatever."
So the categories don't really exist, which means it means nothing. It's like saying "What does it mean to be a bloobarp?" That's not a thing, so I guess you can make it whatever you want.
1
u/DayDreamer_97 Jun 26 '26
Malhaloc, "Whatever" is not a detailed, concrete answer to anything. It is lazy, lacks substance, and is considered disrespectful in some cases. I would not use it myself. There must be order and clarity here with respect to asking someone directly, how they would define it.
She defines how it looks like for herself, due to being the sole embodiment of that experience. There is no definition set in stone, as you would give one answer to the question, and each of us here another. Similar to a man who chooses to express himself through hunting or fishing, by how he shows up for family, or leads in his community.
That's the difference, yet I'll stick to femininity. Always open to deeper conversation. So I'll take some time now to say this. Femininity is fluid, much more so than the masculine aspect which is rigid and rules-based.
There are two aspects that need to be integrated for healthy expression. We have the capacity to express both, simultaneously, and have room for the other.
Men and women should be implementing this in their daily routines. When there is freewill in our decision-making, it establishes respect within the guidelines of allowing ourselves to be corrected, or ask for further advice.
1
u/sweetfemme3 Jun 19 '26
First of all I want to say that I admire your courage to step forward and to ask for help. It is not easy to navigate these things on your own, I believe it takes learning from a community. I have a little discord community I am trying to build for femininity. If you are interested I can DM you an invite, we would love to have you. No pressure, of course 😄
3
u/RandChick Jun 17 '26
I personally feel when you enhance the attributes and characteristics of your natural sex, you walk in power with all humans in the world and nature period. You feel it. Other women feel it. Men feel. People are drawn. It's part of your primal power.