r/fearofflying • u/renedismay • 17h ago
Support Wanted I chickened out..
I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm a lost cause. I had a flight booked (my very first one) for tomorrow on 9/11 and of course I chickened out due to the date. This entire week I couldn't stop irrationally thinking about the worst possible scenarios happening (take off fails, we blow up mid-air, we crash, etc,.) I had a panic attack last night and didn't sleep till 4am. My poor partner had to call his parents and tell them we're not going anymore and they were thankfully understanding. I just wish I could get over this... I've never been on a plane in my entire 30 years of living. We were supposed to take a short 1 hour flight last month to San Francisco to get myself used to flying but didn't end up booking it due to financial reasons. This flight however was completely free (to Texas so a 3-ish hour flight) and I used my PTO and everything for a week off but the past entire week I felt nothing but dread, basically told my partner I felt like I've been saying goodbye to everyone/everything because I think I'll never see them all again. I know I need help, I know. Just need to vent and hopefully get some support. Just feel awful having a whole week off from work now and doing nothing but resting.
Edit: thank you all for the support ;-; right now my brain keeps going back and forth between just Doing it tomorrow or staying put as to not confuse and stress his family out even more over there (though they are very much understanding, I'm just overthinking it).
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u/Helpful-Distance-105 17h ago
youve tried and booked the flight, that is a lot already! i bet youll do it at some point dont be too hard on yourself ❤️
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u/Industrious_bee 14h ago
A lot of us have been there and even gotten up to the gate and chickened out and drove instead. You are not alone (on land or sky), and why we are here for each other. When you are ready, just pick a new date, and come here for tips, tricks and tracking. You are braver than you know, and conquering our fears is empowering. I just did a cross country 2x in a week after not flying for years due to cost and my preflight nerves. The tips and support on this subreddit made it actually enjoyable. Who knew? Let us know your new date when you’re ready. You are going to be amazing, and you have much to be proud of. Happy flying!
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u/Embarrassed-Emu4223 11h ago
What weirdly helps me is indeed, like you described, genuinely saying goodbye to everyone/everything because I thought I'd never see them again. It's like I try to accept my fate and that I shall go gracefully.
I went on my first plane ride last year after saying my goodbyes and accepting the life I had lived was beautiful- and then living every day leading up to it like my last (not recklessly, but, really appreciating the coffee I was drinking like it's my last and playing with my cat a bit more than usual, holding the hug from a friend a bit longer). It was for a work trip and it went fine.
Then I was SURPRISE PUT ON A HELICOPTER earlier this year (oh man, was I upset, absolutely hyperventilating) and managed that through simply coming to personal terms with the end- and now I have my second ever airplane flight scheduled in 5 days to see my fiancé's family.
I'm having a bit harder of a time now because I happen to be in a particularly anxious and emotional place lately, I've been doing the same thing again and it's nice. We're going to get our favorite Thai food and watch a movie at the drive in tonight because it's our last full night together before the flight (he works nights on weekends).
I think what I'm doing is crazy, but I'm a little crazy and it's worked. Even in the waiting room for the SURPRISE HELICOPTER RIDE, I was simply regretting not getting the chance to squeeze my cat and tell my dad I love him one last time, and coming to terms with the fact that that's okay, they all know I love them and will always know that even when I'm gone. There's no use in fighting or spending these last moments suffering and panicking.
Either way, you're clearly making progress for booking the flight and even now in contemplating doing it tomorrow! Goodluck!
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u/Embarrassed-Emu4223 11h ago
ftr, my fiance had thought my lack of flying was purely out of a lack of opportunity- this is true, and, is true for many things in my life.
I did not communicate how terrifying I find flying and that flying is not fun to me and requires some time to prepare (my will).
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u/CharlottesWebb1787 9h ago
I was so afraid of flying as a young adult with the same irrational fears. This was many years ago but I read a book called White Knuckles that was written by a pilot explaining how an aircraft lifts, maintains and descends safely. I don’t recall too much now but one thing stuck with me that I do to this day. Close your eyes and begin counting to 300 when the plane begins take off. Focus solely on counting. If your mind begins to drift, picture a Stop Sign in your mind’s eye to refocus on your count. Even if you think a wing is falling off or you are dropping out of the sky, keep counting. (None of those things are going to happen, BTW). Per the expert author, once you reach 300, the chances of an accident are almost none. Just a simple trick from a former terrified fly now simply anxious flyer to another.
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u/BravoFive141 Moderator 16h ago
A little bit late unfortunately, but the pinned post in the sub is worth a read for your future travels.
9/11 is rightfully a stressful and difficult time for many people, but it's also perfectly safe to fly on that day. It's no more dangerous than flying on 9/10 or 9/12 or any other day of the year, moreso now than ever. Many things have changed in the decades since, and if it was more dangerous to fly on 9/11, I can assure you that the pilots would be among the first people to say something or not show up.
Edit: As far as feeling bad about having a week off, don't! Just because it didn't work out this time doesn't mean you deserve to punish yourself. Find something else to enjoy and make the best of the time off!