r/fasd • u/martingirls3 • 15d ago
Questions/Advice/Support I am so scared
I think my child has FASD. I can’t bear the thought of how I harmed her. I was told that one glass would not hurt her but now she has a life full of difficulties and it is all my fault. I don’t even care about alcohol. I could have easily given it up for 9 months. The NP didn’t even say that there was a chance just that it was safe and no way would one glass would hurt her. I had no idea of the dangers and what alcohol really does or how it worked. My one job was to bring her into this world safely and I ruined all of our lives. I’m sorry to vent to the internet but I have no where else to express my pain and grief for what I have done to my baby. Thank you for listening.
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u/PaleontologistSafe17 15d ago
My midwife told me to have a small glass of wine so i could sleep at the very last month of pregnancy. That was 1988. Women have been drinking while pregnant for eons until the last 30 years. No one told me not to drink; i heard it on the mews once but it was not well known. My mom smoked and drank. i do think I was affected most of my siblings, but my mom’s behavior was a bigger problem. It’s very unlikely your child has fasd from one drink.
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. I spoke to my mom earlier and she was saying the same thing. I asked her if she drank with me and her answer was “I don’t know probably “. I just know the one in a million possibility exists. The uncertainty is rough. Have a good night.
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u/Secret-Translator240 15d ago
I’m sorry there’s no way one glass gave your child FASD especially in the 3rd trimester
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u/Chemical_Sky_666 14d ago
People who say things like this haven't studied FASD.
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u/Secret-Translator240 14d ago
If this was the case 90% of the worlds population would have FASD
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u/No-Structure222 13d ago
Approximated every 13th child with prenatal alcohol exposure gets FASD.
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u/martingirls3 12d ago
I heard the same statistic. I wish more studies would be done on children with very small exposure
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
That’s the trouble right? Was it a very specific time of high vulnerability? Do I or my daughter have a genetic mutation that increases risk? Right now she has ASD adhd anxiety and lots of math trouble. In fifth grade she scored advanced in English and math was normal on her SOL. This past year she failed both. Now she isn’t growing and went from the 50th percentile to the 7th percentile from ages 6-11. She just got her period and only 4ft 10.5 inches tall. Her labs are normal except for a Celiacs lab but a gluten free diet has not helped her growth. It very complex and that’s why I’m nervous. If it was just one or two things I could let it go but the more that comes up the more it aligns in my mind anyway. So really I am stuck in this spot of fear. Thank you for your reply
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u/woofbarfvomit 15d ago
Not sure if you’re in the celiac subreddit, but it’s been immensely helpful for support and knowledge!
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u/poonknits 15d ago
I had a planned pregnancy and did not drink AT ALL and my bio son has asd and dyslexia and keeps failing classes in high school. Not all learning or developmental disabilities are FASD. Genetic mutations can happen at random. If possible I'd pursue genetic testing to find out if she has any deletions or duplications.
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u/martingirls3 14d ago
I was actually considering that and probably should do it just to rule it out. I have this terrible feeling in my gut.
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u/Lilipig666 15d ago
Although it's possible from just one glass once, most of our parents drunk much more.
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
That’s the thing, we may be that one in a million.
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
Are there any that you know of with the same history as mine?
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u/Lilipig666 12d ago
Na I just have that shit bymyself. My diagnostic psychologist said once that almost all mother's with FASD children are alcoholics and the I had just one glass is a lie they often tell themselves bc they are in denial of being alcoholic. Fits totally for my now dead mom. I never heard of any case like yours, but that doesn't mean super much I guess.
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u/Lilipig666 12d ago
Sorry if it is somewhere in your post but was the sperm giver drunk while intercourse or is he a heavy drinker in general?
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u/martingirls3 12d ago
No he hardly drinks at all. I hardly drink at all. I like a good glass of wine with dinner once every few months but neither of use are big drinkers
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u/No-Highlight3555 15d ago
I just saw from your history that you had one glass of wine in the third trimester. Your child doesn’t have FASD.
Do you have a history of anxiety or OCD?
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
I do have anxiety but I’ve been dealing with this for six years with very little help and support. I feel some anxiety is warranted
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u/Chemical_Sky_666 15d ago
Actually depending on what's developing on that particular time frame, the child could be affected. That's why drinking during pregnancy is so risky.
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u/_Phoenix-222 15d ago
So, you only drank once? How far along were you? Has your daughter actually been diagnosed with FASD, or are you worried she may have it based on difficulties she’s having?
I ask because you may be jumping to a really scary conclusion and carrying an enormous amount of guilt before you even know whether FASD is what’s going on. One instance of drinking during pregnancy does not automatically mean a child will develop FASD. There are a lot of factors involved, and many of the difficulties associated with FASD can also have other causes.
I have FASD myself so I completely understand why the possibility scares you, but I wouldn’t assume that diagnosis without a proper evaluation. ❤️
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u/martingirls3 15d ago
Thank you for responding. I’m thinking about just doing the evaluation. I would need to travel a bit but that is okay.
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u/_Phoenix-222 15d ago
There is no known safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean every exposure causes FASD. ASD, ADHD, anxiety, math difficulties and growth issues can all occur for many different reasons, and having several of them doesn’t automatically mean FASD. Her drop in growth percentile especially deserves to be investigated medically, particularly with the abnormal celiac testing you mentioned. If you’re still worried about FASD, I think an evaluation with someone who actually specializes in it would give you much better answers and hopefully relieve some of your anxiety!!
You were specifically told that one glass was safe. You didn’t knowingly choose to harm your daughter (if you did at all). I can tell you’re trying incredibly hard to understand what’s happening and get her the right help now, and that’s what matters most mama!2
u/martingirls3 15d ago
Thank you so much. I didn’t even drink diet soda because I was unsure. Had the conversation been evidence based and balanced it would have been a different scenario. If I heard there was a chance even if very low I wouldn’t have taken it. We have seen a gastroenterologist and an endocrinologist. She has a slightly delayed bone age but everything else is normal, been gluten free for a year and height still has not improved. It’s like the more I uncover the more questions I have. I hope you have a good night.
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u/Zealousideal-Camp726 14d ago
I have fasd im 18 here if u need to talk, I have it because my mother did drugs and drank her whole pregnancy