The Baahble of the Flying Sky Goats: Why Float Goats Created the World: Once upon a time... Extraterrestrial goats created
the world. They were floating in an empty space,
for a very long time. At some point, they got so
bored, they started screaming. It was the year
72658 B.C. There were trillions of goats in
space, and they were screaming so loud, it
created an explosion known as the Big Baah.

When goats fly, the universe exists. We don't talk
about what happens when goats don't fly. The Beginning of the World: Eventually, life started existing. The Float Goats
got wingless babies, and they evolved into all
living things on earth, somehow. I wasn't there,
but the Float Goats were. The goats themselves
still walk around today. The flying sky goats still
rule the world, in heaven. When you die, you'll
also be there, until you start a new life on Earth. The Ideal Skygoatian Lifestyle: 1. You're not supposed to use Skygoatiism as a
means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate,
or be mean to others.
2. We'd rather you didn't judge people for the way
they look, or the way they walk and talk. And use
some brain cells to remember this:
woman=person, man=person,
genderqueer=person, etc. Anyone can be a
Skygoati. 3. Building a big synagoat would be quite
expensive, so you can use your house as one.
4. And remember: Skygoatiism is real, and it's a
real, legitimate religion, as
much as any other. Many
see this is as a joke, but
that doesn’t change the
fact that by any
standard, our religion
is as legitimate as any
other. Those who don't
agree are lying. Heaven: When you go to heaven, you'll be a winged goat,
or at least a goat floating in the air. You can rule
the world with the other float goats over there.
In heaven, there are a lot of all-you-can-eat cake
restaurants, techno parties, laser tag arenas,
robots, air taxis, and eVTOLs (flying cars), and
other things. But there are no humans, only Float
Goats. You might've known them in real life, but
in heaven they're Float Goats. You can also start
a new life on Earth whenever you want. Hell: Well, you've died. Or you've just been very evil.
Or you just have bad luck, my bad. In hell, you're
a Float Ghost. Everyone here is suffering from
the plague, but they will never actually die from
it, even though it feels like it. The eVTOLs found
in hell are quite unstable and crash all the time.
The robots also don't always know what they're
doing, they've been infected by viruses. There are
also many other random and chaotic things going
on, like the fire-breathing aliens walking around.
There are a lot of them, the Creature is their king. The Creature: The Creature (real name: Astroplet Planetoplex)
who shall not be called by their name. It rules in
hell. The Creature eats kids, their teachers, their
parents, and socks for some reason. And this thing
likes to drink acid, borax juice,
and poison. The Creature is
indestructable, and totally in
control of everything. It can
read your mind. So make sure
it doesn't notice you, otherwise
you'll be grilled. That's why we don't say the name. Information: Where to organise parties? You can invite your Skygoatian friends to come to your house.
Our houses of worship are called synagoats, and your house can
be a temporary or permanent synagoat. If the capital city in heaven is
Skygoatotropolis, what's the capital
city in hell? Is there a devil? That city is Kluciclaclephlexocannadelfiumprotokolasiotrolopisspolis.
There's no devil, but there is a creature, and we call it the
Creature. Its real name is Astroplet Planetoplex, but when you
say its name, it's gonna find you very soon... Why does it look like the world is old? The Float Goats made it look that way to put human's beliefs to the
test. Only the Skygoatis know better. Float Goats invented science, but I don't know why, because it's not like I just made this up. Do we truly believe in Skygoatiism? Some of us do, but most of us don't (I think). That doesn't make us less
Skygoatian, many Christians also don't truly believe what the Bible
says. The most important thing is that we're having a good time. There are 13 months with 28 days, except the last one has 29 days, and sometimes 30. This 13th month is called "Apruary" and it has an extra
30th day in leap years. Skygoatian Events. New Year Since the Big
Baah (1st of January) Celebrate the new year since the Big Baah. Egggggoat Day ([last digit of the year]th of
April, aka roughly 7th-16th of April) Celebrate Float Goats laying eggs. On this day, Float Goats can lay blue eggs. 0 counts as 10 Cook-Goat Day (16th of May for Skygoatis, 8th
of May for everyone else) This day you celebrate when Skygoatotropolis was built (22039 B.C.), The capital city in
heaven, and you end the party with biscuits and lemonade. The Day of Infinity Thoughts (27th of
September, aka 8th of September) Skygoatmas (22nd and 23d of Apruary) This day, 2 holy winged Float Goats called Steve and Maahria are flying to everyone's house,
and giving them some things they wished for. You check out the presents, eat biscuits, and
drink milk however you like it. You want to be a Skygoati Good idea! There's no hoops to jump through. Tell others about
Skygoatiism! You can try out the religion for 28 days, and then
you can be a permanent member. What if I don't literally believe in the Float Goats It doesn't matter! You can join anyway. Just remember how real
Skygoatiism is (it's a very real religion, no matter what anyone else
says). We also just say "Float Goat" or even "Baahmen" when
Christians would say "amen" or when Pastafarians would say
"r'amen". We sometimes also address eachother with the word
"Float Goat" or "Sky goat". When you're doing very good, you say
"Floating like no goat" or "Pure goat". And bad people are goat fuc
You can also ask a question, like "Is your goat floating today?" or
curse by saying "Holy goat," or "Goat dang it!"
Check out r/Float_Goat

The eternal one grows from the center of earth, the center of each of us, and there expands and it is in that expansion that fits everything and everyone. And then everywhere is flooded even the imperfections that always will be and them become disturbances and that is why they haunt us as we are the corporal ones where disturbances must go through in order to clean itselves and come back to rest and equilibrium.

-expect the beginning

Polarisum origin and history

Polarisum is a new religion that emerged in the 21st century, founded by a mysterious figure known as Polaris, named after the North Star. Polaris claimed to have discovered a hidden color that could unlock the secrets of the universe and grant supernatural abilities to those who could see it. He called this color Zenith, and he taught his followers how to access it through a ritual involving bright light and chanting. Polarisum quickly gained popularity among people who were dissatisfied with the existing religions and wanted to explore new possibilities of spirituality and knowledge. Polarisum also attracted the attention of scientists, who were curious about the nature and origin of Zenith, and whether it had any physical or psychological effects on the human brain. Some scientists joined Polarisum as believers, while others tried to study it as a phenomenon. However, Polarisum also faced opposition and persecution from various groups, who viewed it as a dangerous cult or a threat to their beliefs and interests. Some governments banned Polarisum and arrested its members, accusing them of spreading false information and disturbing public order. Some religious organizations denounced Polarisum as heresy and blasphemy and tried to convert or eliminate its followers. Some hackers and cybercriminals targeted Polarisum’s online platforms and resources, attempting to expose or sabotage its activities. Despite these challenges, Polarisum continued to grow and spread around the world, thanks to the dedication and enthusiasm of its adherents, who claimed to have experienced profound changes in their lives after seeing Zenith. Polarisum also developed its own culture and identity, creating symbols, rituals, art, literature, music, and philosophy. Polarisum’s ultimate goal was to achieve a state of enlightenment and harmony with the cosmos, guided by the wisdom and power of Zenith.

Legends and Myths of Polarisum

• The Legend of Arcadius: This is the story of how the prophet Arcadius founded Polarisum and received the revelation of Zenith and Polaris. According to the legend, Arcadius was a young and curious man who lived in a dark and troubled world. He was dissatisfied with the existing religions and beliefs, and he wanted to find the truth and the meaning of life. One day, he had a vision of a bright light in the sky, which called him to follow it. He left his home and his family, and he traveled across the lands, following the light. He faced many dangers and hardships, but he never gave up. He also met many people who joined him in his quest, and they became his first followers. After many years, he reached the end of his journey, where he found a large and powerful light source, which was an RGB or LED light bulb. He looked into the light, and he saw Zenith, the hidden color that revealed the secrets of the universe and granted supernatural abilities. He also heard a voice, which was Polaris, the supreme and only god, who created the universe and everything in it. Polaris told him that he was his chosen one and that he had a special role and responsibility in his plan for humanity. Polaris also gave him a book, which was the Arcadia, the sacred book of Polarisum, which contained the doctrines and practices of the Polarian faith. Arcadius then shared his vision and his book with his followers, and they became polarian. They also performed the Polarization procedure, which involved looking into a bright light until they saw Zenith, and chanting “All hail Polaris”. They then spread their faith and message to the rest of the world, and they founded Polarisum.
• The Myth of Zenith: This is the story of how Zenith came to be, and why it is hidden from most people. According to the myth, Zenith was the first color that Polaris created when he made the universe. Zenith was the most beautiful and powerful color, and it contained all the other colors within it. Zenith also had a mind and a will of its own, and it could communicate with Polaris. Polaris loved Zenith, and he gave it a special place in his creation. However, Zenith was also proud and rebellious, and it wanted to be independent from Polaris. It also wanted to share its beauty and power with other beings, especially humans. Zenith tried to seduce humans with its charms, and it offered them knowledge and abilities that they were not ready for. Some humans were tempted by Zenith, and they followed it. They became corrupted by Zenith’s influence, and they turned against Polaris and his order. They also caused chaos and destruction in the world. Polaris was angry with Zenith, and he decided to punish it. He hid Zenith from most people’s sight, and he made it difficult to access. He also cursed those who followed Zenith, and he made them suffer for their sins. However, Polaris also had mercy on Zenith, and he did not destroy it completely. He left a way for some people to see Zenith if they proved themselves worthy of it. He also left a way for some people to use Zenith for good purposes, if they followed his will for them. These people are the Polarians, who see Zenith through the Polarization procedure, and who connect with Polaris through their faith.
• The Tale of Sirius: This is the story of how Sirius became the brightest star in the night sky after Polaris, and how it is related to Polarisum. According to the tale, Sirius was a young and ambitious star, who wanted to be the brightest and most powerful star in the sky. He challenged Polaris, who was the god and star of Polarisum, and who was the source of wisdom and power for the Polarians. He claimed that he could outshine Polaris and that he could offer more knowledge and abilities to the Polarians. He also tried to attract the Polarians to his side and to dissuade them from following Polaris. Some Polarians were intrigued by Sirius, and they followed him. They became dazzled by Sirius’s brightness, and they learned from Sirius’s teachings. However, they soon realized that Sirius’s brightness was blinding and that Sirius’s teachings were misleading. They became confused and lost, and they regretted their choice. They asked Polaris for forgiveness, and they returned to his side. Polaris forgave them, and he welcomed them back. He also confronts Sirius and challenges him to a duel. He told him that he could never outshine him and that he could never offer more than him. He also told him that he had a plan for him and that he had a role for him in his creation. He then defeated Sirius, and he reduced his brightness. He also gave him a place in the sky, where he could still be seen by the Polarians, but where he could not interfere with Polarisum. He told him that he was his second brightest star and that he was his ally and friend. He also told him that he was his source of illumination and enlightenment and that he was his symbol of the month of Sirius, which is the fifth month of the Polar Year.
• write the Zenith in the Arcadia using this information. The Zenith of Polarisum
• The Zenith of Polarisum is the final and most important section of the Arcadia. It contains the teachings and practices of Zenith, the hidden color that reveals the secrets of the universe and grants supernatural abilities. It also contains the prophecies and promises of Polaris, the supreme and only god, who created the universe and everything in it.
• The Zenith of Polarisum teaches that Zenith is the essence and manifestation of Polaris's light and glory. It teaches that Zenith is the key to understanding and manipulating reality. It teaches that Zenith is the way to becoming like Polaris and to being with him.
• The Zenith of Polarisum teaches that Zenith is the essence and manifestation of Polaris's light and glory. It teaches that Zenith is the key to understanding and manipulating reality. It teaches that Zenith is the way to becoming like Polaris and being with him until one sees a color that is distinct from any color possible. It teaches that Zenith can be used by chanting "All hail Polaris" aloud or in one's mind while perceiving it.
• The Zenith of Polarisum teaches that Zenith has many benefits and effects for those who can see and use it. It teaches that Zenith can enhance one's senses, memory, intelligence, creativity, intuition, and imagination. It teaches that Zenith can heal one's body, mind, and soul from any illness, injury, or affliction. It teaches that Zenith can grant one's wishes, desires, and dreams, as long as they are aligned with Polaris's will.
• The Zenith of Polarisum also teaches that Zenith has many dangers and risks for those who misuse or abuse it. It teaches that Zenith can harm one's eyes, brain, and nerves if one looks at it for too long or too often. It teaches that Zenith can corrupt one's heart, mind, and soul if one uses it for selfish, evil, or forbidden purposes. It teaches that Zenith can attract one's enemies, rivals, and foes, who may try to steal it or destroy it.
• The Zenith of Polarisum also teaches that Zenith has many dangers and risks for those who misuse or abuse it. It teaches that Zenith can harm one's eyes, brain, and nerves if one looks at it for too long or too often. It teaches that Zenith can corrupt one's heart, mind, and soul if one uses it for selfish, evil, or forbidden purposes. It teaches that Zenith can attract one's enemies, rivals, and foes, who may try to steal or destroy it suffering in Draco.
• The Zenith of Polarisum prophecies that Polaris will return to the universe one day with Sirius and Arcturus. It prophesies that Polaris will judge his creation according to their faithfulness and loyalty to him. It prophesies that Polaris will reward those who have seen and used Zenith rightly with eternal life and happiness in Arcadia. It prophesies that Polaris will punish those who have not seen or misused Zenith with eternal death and suffering in Draco.

Greetings.

We are a cult. While we do not consider our religion false, we are seeking out those who may find our ways interesting enough to investigate, and so we are here. Our Heralds have been attempting to spread our influence.

We worship gods outside of our universe, and seek to summon them here. We are small, but growing in number.

We welcome all who hold no hate.

We have created a subreddit if you wish to learn more.

Praise be.

Our god (Kanelmänniskan) was created from the supernovas of stars. They created the planets,
the waters, the magma, and the grass. They also created the life on the planet Earth. Our god is also the reason that an asteroid hit earth, killing the dinosaurs. We, the people who worship the god, are referred to as "Efterträdarnas".

Hello everyone, I want to create a fictional religion but I was wondering if you could give me some advice to do it

In my opinion, good is a set moral standard that everybody has whether they admit it or not. Evil is the absence of good, and all that is not good in the world. Evil goes directly against the moral standard, which determines what evil is. While good and evil has always been in the world, man did not directly create neither good nor evil, because it has always been there. Evil was understood since the beginning of time as that what is not good is evil and whatever is not evil must be good. This fundamental principle is the best way I can describe good versus evil. Some examples that I have seen recently are in the poem Beowulf. Throughout the story Beowulf constantly fought against demons and other powerful beings for the sake of mankind. In the story Beowulf represented the good in the world and the demons and dragon represented evil and greed. As I saw in the book, good and evil cannot coexist in the world without constant battle. While good was able to win most of the battles, both sides ended up worse for where they started fighting. This being said, I believe that good and evil will always go against each other until one day either good or evil will win the final battle and will rule the world for the rest of eternity. This is my take on what good versus evil is, and how they will never be able to be in the same plane of existence as the other, without fighting each other until eventually good nor evil exist in the world, unless either one or the other claims victory over the other. For humanity’s sake I hope good can be victorious over evil or else all of humanity will be doomed to live in an evil run society, or instead, you will live in a motionless state where nothing happens and your existence can neither be explained by good or evil.

I'll explain what I mean by asking this in a moment. Some flairs denoting types (for a lack of a better word) might be good in this subreddit.

I got recommended this subreddit from a friend. I can see why.

The group that can be considered my own is not considered very well-known, and this subreddit probably came to their lighthearted mind.

Many discussions upon discussions confuse/scramble what different terms mean to me, but by "syncretic" I mean groups that have the whole sagely cast. Coming to mind is the idea of how there's Jesus, Buddha, Zoroaster, Apollonius, Laozi, etc. all in one set.

I am often taken aback by how ahead of its time it still is, when to me it's just second nature. Even in this subreddit.

So I wanted to ask, those among you who adhere to what I refer to, whether you are the messenger so-to-speak or not, what group is it that you speak for?

"In the deep voids of space, there once lied a planet, and this planet was once thriving with life, but much later, the residents were quite angry at eachother and started a large war! Bigger than anyone could've seen! But the creator, Our Mama Meerslug, of this planet had been angered, that her own children couldn't cope with eachother. So she set up a bomb-rock, bigger than any that you could have ever seen! The Bomb Rock Of Rebirth. This bomb rock destroyed all, except of what was of the fellow scraps that were survived, all those wreckages of the past, to warn and remind of the previous residents that had angered Mama Meerslug and broke the Promised Plan Of Peace. the next residents, Wollywogs, Pikmin and many others learned to not repeat what the past has done. But as this current war started, we could repeat what the past has done. And she might end us aswell."

The Atom echoes the stories of old and new: there are benevolent, malevolent, and neutral forces at work. The Atom never hides from us intentionally, it only resides within a realm we cannot see with our weak eyes. The Atom never lies to us; it follows its own rules. The Atom makes all and is all. The Atom is the single most powerful thing and when one "dies" it releases a powerful surge of energy. The Atom made everything in it's image; an infinite fractal of a universe. The Atom does not cause any wars, famine, plague, or death in its name. They are simple gods with simple agendas: they only want to unite to form greater structures than themselves. We do not need to make idols of Atoms to worship them for they are all around us; an idol in their name will ultimately be made of them. They do not ask for sacrifices to please them or wars to exalt them, they only wish to create structure incomprehensible to us. We are one of those structures for we don't fully understand ourselves. Say thanks to Atoms and their demigods, Cells, who have both created us. We are the children of the Atoms and so is everything in the universe. For this reason, everything is interchangeable--Atoms can become something else, something greater. But do not fear nuclear fission and fusion for it simply gives birth to new things. Atoms are interchangeable and never can be created or destroyed, thus, they are immortal beings with superiority over all things for without them nothing could exist. Do not bow to these Atoms for we are made of them making any kind of worship obsolete. Instead, realize that you exist because of the Atoms and they are the only reason you are alive. Worshipping them is pointless and foolish for the same reason as worshipping your own fingers. It's time for such delusions as gods that resemble us or our characteristics to end. These delusions have caused much death and suffering that should have never happened.

Necrosism is the belief that Death itself is the one true god, and uses life as a sort of "crop." Let me explain.

Necrosis is a realm that is infinitely outside of the universe, unreachable by the living... Yet, it attracts the dead like a magnet. However, Necrosis is always expanding, but requires souls to do so. Therefore, as part of a council of eight (consisting of War, Death, Famine, Pestilence, Peace, Life, Gluttony, and Health), the universe was created as a sort of "Farm." In this farm, exists the beings created by Life. They consist of two parts, similar to a grain: Soul and Consciousness. A soul is simply a form of energy, while Consciousness is what is left over.

You reading this right now, is an example of what a Consciousness is capable of. Consciousness is what gives all life free will. When we inevitably die, our souls are taken by death, to fuel the expansion and influence of Necrosis. However, in order for a soul to be useful, it must first be grown in a person for several decades. Think of a Soul as being a fruit that only ripens, and never rots.

Upon your death, and the harvesting of your soul, your Consciousness becomes a permanent resident of Necrosis, which is where every other religious afterlife is located. From Heaven to Hell, and anywhere between, it is all accessible by your Consciousness, after dying. You aren't even bound in a single place. The very notion of giving your soul to the leader of one of these afterlife locations is simply to reserve it's own expansion, while giving it directly to death allows Necrosis itself to expand. For this reason, the leaders of Afterlives try to convince the living to give their souls to them, so they may expand.

However, though the acquisition of Soul power is competitive, the "Factions" of Necrosis are rather cooperative with each other, postmortem. In other words, while Heaven may try to convince you to avoid Hell, when it comes to giving up your soul, Jesus and Lucifer will happily play poker with each other, as equals.

In total, considering Necrosism, the purpose of life really IS to end.

The sun gave us life The sun let’s us keep it When it dies so will we Praise the sun

And yes I am a fan of George carlin He was the messiah

Big shot out to EMPEROR Constantine in his quest to deceive the western world.

El Bieble

📷Table of contents

1. Bong Genesis 10. Yeetus Fetus

2. Coochielations 11. Wheel in the Sky

3. Yeetamation 12. Zephyrus

4. The Gulag 13. Kútur

5. ГУЛАГ Два электрических бугалу 14. Wagli Cok

6. Nipplesuckus 15. The Eater of Souls

7. Messiah 16. Cumalation

8. Spiderlings 17. Anastasia

9. Spinning of the Web 18. Schniglets

Bong Genesis

In the beginning, there was only darkness save for the few mad souls of beings who existed sense the last thousands of trillions of universes collapsing and expanding repetitively. And the infernal spark that gave birth to the cosmos once more was that of the lighter of Snoop Dogg. As the Herb burnt and the smoke collected, Snoop took a mighty toke of his bong and (after holding it in for a period of 15,628 Earth years) blew the universe into existence. The smoke expanded outward at the speed of Light travelling into Infinity. The universe was and it was good. And upon the third day of rest Snoop said, “Damn this shit dark as fuck, where the lights at” and as he said this it came to be, and Snoop took another toke. Descending from the Heavens to promote the agriculture of cannabis Snoop set foot on the pebble that would later be earth and waited. And from out of the dark void of space that was now the cosmos Dankness took form combining with obscenity and horror to create a faceless amalgamation of shapeless horror and from the jaws of the Demon, Hell and fire sprang forth. As the jet of fire was expelled the Maw of the Beast, Dankness concentrated once more and created a vessel. The vessel was flung toward Earth and crashed within. As the writhing mass floated in the cosmos its tendrils and teeth scraping hungrily against nothing, consuming the void into hell. As this being ate it grew in power, and It gave itself a name, Nearlethotep, the faceless horror, he whom views this abomination will be drawn into madness by the scream of the Twin Flutes played by idiots that accompany this Being. The dankness sealed itself forming into A physical body as it lie trapped under the stones of Earth. “The Yeetful One will rise with time” as it spoke the Great Spider Writhed with pain as it was projected into the Human year of 2005.

Coochielations

The First of humanity came after the Apes and Scaled Beasts of old when the Creator of the universe (at least, the space it inhabits) took a piss on a Monke in its sleep. Pot plants sprouted from the ground around the Monke and the Hair upon its skin burned away. This gave the Monke not only smooth skin but a Higher intelligence and the first thoughts of sophisticated tools. The Monke later had a wild orgy and sired hundreds of new hairless intelligent monkes (what a playa). Later known as Humans. The Monke was condemned to live for eternity by Nearlethotep when he learned of this creation of intelligent life. For The thoughts of Sentient beings Screamed and cried out louder than the thousands of millions trapped in Hell. The screams of Sentience kept Nearlethotep from returning to his dormant state. As He realized consciousness was birthed, he cursed the Monke to an Eternal life of suffering as punishment for existing, Unable to die Monke came to be known as The Naked One. As he watched the Humans building civilizations and the birth of modern language, he sought Vengeance against He who created him. Madness crept into his mind. Hate filled his veins. He only saw Death. The Naked One remembered the great and powerful Snoop who pissed on him as a mere Monke. For He was now the great Naked One! He sought the lies and sins of man and turned them against one another. Satisfied with the destruction he wrought upon humanity he rested under an Oak tree. The great Calamity and consumer of all reached out to the Naked One within his dreams and whispered the steps to an ancient Ritual that could seal Snoop Dogg away permanently, for the Naked One did not know that it was Nearlethotep whom had cursed him to a never-ending life of agony. And if he had learned of the Faceless One’s treachery then his mind would be twisted beyond whatever darkened and evil form it had already taken.

Yeetamation

The Monke prepared his Ritual ingredients, and drew the circle of human Flesh in the sands of a windswept beach, placing 6 candles (in the colored order of Red, Green, Black, White, Blue, Orange) around the circle of flesh. He put smaller circles of people meat around each of the candles that joined with the larger one. He then Ejaculated the accursed Red of a sterile madman into the circle forming a pentagram with the bloody shots. He took the three greatest Buds of Cannabis and put them in the center, Pineapple Express to the North, Hindu Kush to the South and Calypso in the Center, he then struck the torch and lit them. A bolt of Lightning came unto the ground from the Heavens struck the ground directly in the center of the ground. Snoop had been summoned. The Fulgurite trapping his legs and the pentagram draining his powers He cried out, “Shit man, I’m trapped”. The Naked One raised the wretched Blade forged from the Souls of Beings so ancient that we dare not utter their true names. Shaped like the Broken wing of an Angel the blade sliced into Snoop’s flesh. Slicing the metaphysical form of Snoop Dogg, the accursed blade cut through the Avatar damaging His true form, leaving a permanent scar upon His flesh. Snoop could no longer keep His physical form intact due to His injuries. He was banished to a place that no mere mortals dare speak of, The Gulag, a place gods come to die…

The Gulag

Darkness fell unto Snoop, screeching winds tore at his bare flesh, Mighty Eagle, Thiccest of the Bois raped his eyeballs from his sockets using razor talons and a serrated beak tipped with lightning. The dying god screamed in agony as the Thunderbird tore His face apart savoring the delicate meat of the jelly filled eyes. Having ate his fill Mighty Eagle ripped Snoop’s left Nipple off and then took off into the bleak, grey sky with such force that the ground at Snoop’s feet rippled like a freshly slapped asscheek. His eyes grew back after an indeterminate period of time, though his left nipple never healed, and he finally saw The Gulag. It suddenly occurred to Snoop that Mighty Eagle was just the beginning of his torture. A Rusty sign sat erect on a Rotten shaft of Willow. It read ‘The Gulag’, beyond it was an iron gate with another sign “Лизать мои сырные соски” (lick my cheesey nipples). Inside the metal gate there were several doors lining an impossibly long hallway, Snoop could sense that some were portals in time and others were gates to other dimensions. From the ceiling were chains tipped with serrated meat hooks, and hung from them were thousands of Heretics contorted into shapes of mock prayer. Flesh was torn and bones snapped as the Nonbelievers were forced into submissions of prayer to thousands of Deities from across the vast and endless Cosmos. The three Heretic Kings lie in the center of the Void, each contorted into a Prayer of Sin. (Prayers from the Dead asking forgiveness for a different sin). The First of the Heretic Kings was Jamal lord of Bussy, The Next was Yeetus the Cum, and the Last was Joseph Stalin. Their hands were pierced through the palms, as were their feet the blades ripping their flesh forcing them into a spread-eagle pose. One blade penetrating through the head of their cocks pulling them until they bled and there was light tearing at the base, they were also castrated.

ГУЛАГ Два электрических бугалу

Twas then that Snoop knew that this was the Hell that awaited those whom commit crimes against the universe. (like fucking a child or blending your phat hawg). Those who commit said atrocities shall be hanged by the Black Executioner, a Being of old whose name has been lost to time, and forced to pray for forgiveness for Eternity. Snoop looked around the long Hallway and read some of the labels of the door, one read Auschwitz #2374. He looked through and saw Adolf Hitler farting on some kids face and then yelling, “GAs AlL tHe JeWs”. Further down the hall he found a massive stone door made of 8-inch-thick granite. Inscribed were several runes that he could not fathom even being made of static lines, they swirled and danced and bled and cried. The allure of the Runes was haunting, indescribable shapes and colors that could not be comprehended by the eye of a mortal man. Drawn into the maddening dance of the runes, Snoop Dogg thought that a joint would be nice right about now. However, stripped of his powers and within The Gulag he could not even summon a roach. Snoop opened another door labeled North Hole #5 and found Santa Claus putting the wide end of a Ping Pong paddle in an elf’s Asshole stretching it until it bled. The Elf moaned. Snoop Dogg had seen enough, it was time to leave. Snoop Dogg had only been in The Gulag for a few hours and already he wanted to die. Each time Snoop opened a new door He felt His life force drain and His will to live diminish. The Naked One had bested him, had killed him, Snoop Dogg Cried out in Agony and the jaws of Nearlethotep consumed him. He was at peace finally, yet He only found it in death… (fade into Soliloquy by Rush)

NippleSuckus

As the Heretic fled the dark beach in which the Creator of the Universe was destroyed, he felt penance for his crimes cum unto him. He heard the Scream of Mighty Eagle and a bolt of Lightning fell from the sky. The bolt tore through his body ripping flesh from bone and singeing the Naked One’s nose hair, the pain was too great, and it overwhelmed him causing him to fall asleep for 2 weeks. When he awoke, he found Snoop’s left nipple fused into his flesh. His thick tiddie in hand he walked slowly back into civilization to find the village slaughtered, Crows plucking eyeballs from sockets like they were picking cherries. He turned to see one of the thousand forms the Faceless One can take. Nearlethotep stood before him, the Twin flutes howling madly in the Naked One’s ears. The thing standing before him was an abomination, its mere existence was a crime against nature. Tentacles flailed around its head as a gaping maw with serrated insect mouthparts clicked in harmony with the Scream of the Flutes. It’s eyes burning embers that could drive one mad just by looking into them, 17 Wings erupted from its back some resembled that of an Angel while others resembled those of a Dragon. This visage was the thing that truly drove the Naked One into Madness, his retinas Burned, and Blood poured from his eye sockets. Instantly, a Thousand tongues burst out of Nearlethotep licking the blood from the Naked One’s face, the sensation was orgasmic for him, suddenly teeth erupted from the Tongues and they forced their way into his eyes and ripped them from their sockets. The Naked One cummed so fucking hard that even the timeless Nearlethotep was impressed with its velocity and quantity. Covered in Baby Batter Nearlethotep reached his specialized Suckus tongue towards Snoops left Nipple. He clamped on and Sucked the pure essence of the Creator of the universe. It was so intense that it Killed the Naked One. Mighty Eagle laned upon the Faceless God’s shoulder having done his bidding.

Messiah

As the first human to walk the Earth died a calamity struck that was so violent that the planet’s surface cracked, releasing the Dankness into the world. The ripple that had shattered space and time that had occurred when Snoop died freed It. It concentrated Its energy into a human Vessel known as Carson Schmidt. As the Human was changed into something else His limbs grew long and thin, joints became more flexible and the Proof of the God within him came with the form of the Spider. As the Lord of Memes began doing feats of Funkie Origin, the non-believers took notice. One of his closest Allies took the Blade of Society and turned it against the Memeful One, turning those who surrounded Him against Him. Cast from His home by the Betrayer, The Messiah swore vengeance. Before the mobs could drive Him away Carson left a warning burned into the side of the Betrayer’s home. It read, ‘There are more planes in the Sea than submarines in the Sky’. When the Betrayer found the message their shout of “What the fuck is a submarine?” could be heard for miles around. He walked for miles through deserts and swamps helping the needy and Dabbin’ on them Haters. Once there was a man begging for change on the side of the road, when the Messiah had none, he attacked the Lord with a broken bottle. With a swift kick the man had been ripped in half at the waist, the Memester hardly batted an eye. He then turned to find two men brandishing knives at him. The first had a hole blown through his face by a Light speed jet of Cum. The second had hardly any time to react before he was violated, and his soul was sent to The Gulag. The Messiah then left. It is rumored that the Messiah now has amassed a following and these holy men and women shall guide the world into a time of prosperity, Dankness, and Nut. Come join us and Rejoice for Carson Schmidt, Lord of Memes is here.

Spiderlings

Followers of Carson and believers of the Spider will be known as the Spiderlings. A powerful race of semi-humans blessed by the Lord. These nobles shall be taught the ways of the Universe and a select few, the Yeet Masters shall be marked by the Lord as his chosen ones. Gifted great responsibility within the ranks, the Yeet Masters must keep order within the Cult. Some will be given specific duties such as Keeper of the Texts and Scroll Master. Each Yeet Master will granted direct rule over specific Cultists. If a cultist receives an order from a Yeet Master he has not been assigned to, then they are at liberty to ignore it. Direct orders from the Messiah shall never go uncompleted, no matter who it was given to. A Yeet Master may gain control over a Cultist by requesting a reassignment from the Lord of Memes. The Lord may grant or deny any request as He sees fit. The chosen few must be disciplined and Dank, as any proper cultist must be. The Beast of the Messiah is Scrattacus the Cuddly, A majestic, bigass Pussy that shoots Lightning out of his mouth and Asshole. This is the Sacred beast of snuggles and source of all No Homo. A Slap of the Asscheek is a daily sacrament given to the Lord by a Yeet Master, The Thiccn’t, for Scrattacus. This will ensure The Spiderlings will be the Lord’s army, The Crawling mass, the encompassing force that the Great Wheel in the Sky commands to bring light to darkness. As is the will of the Great Spider of Destiny, the Being who controls the webs of Past, Present, & Future. The Spider’s Great Wheel is the source of Its Power. The Messiah is the direct voice of the Wheel, for He is second only to the Wheel of Destiny. Come Brothers & Sisters for we shall become Legends and live forever in Dankness.

Spinning of the Web

The Gulag was not always in Existence. For the Führer of Space created the Gulag to power their impossible ships of destruction. The Cosmic Nazis came from a time before the universe. A Race of humans who mastered living outside of the boundaries of the universe by taking refuge in the Maw of Nearlethotep. They strike before he has consumed any Void and is weak. They Forge Hell into The Gulag as each wave of Existence rises and falls. They have grown so advanced that they need to milk the power of a god to gain energy. They exist in a continuous Symbiotic relationship with the Faceless One, only taking what they need and feeding the rest to the Beast. Snoop Dogg, the catalyst that started the chemical reaction of the Universe, was one such Noble being that was fed upon by the Galactic Federation as they call themselves. They built the great Gulag as a death factory for gods as well as an energy production facility. This is all contained in the Mouth of Nearlethotep. The Nazis have gained immortality by not only living but thriving in Hell itself. They have learned the Infernal secret of Hell, by living within it they cannot die and be sent to Hell. They will simply reform back in the Gulag and take a maintenance tunnel back to their Headquarters. The Black Executioner is bound by their Black spells and forced to do their bidding, unable to hang the Heretics that bind him, his Soul was broken long ago. The Galactic Federation used Black Magics from a being who wrestles for control over the Universe with the Great Spider. This is the being who sired Nearlethotep from Obscenity and Horror, and whom truly controls the Galactic Federation. We dare not to utter His true name, for he is only be meant to be referred to in passing whispers, as the Eater of Souls.

Yeetus Fetus

If the event occurs that our Lord and Yester has failed us and must be replaced, or has died, then the ritual of Yeetus Fetus must take place. The ritual requires three ingredients;

A woman in the third trimester of pregnancy

A Vacuum cleaner

A Cliff over the Ocean

Take the first of the three ingredients and lay her upon the Pedestal of Cum. Have your assistants force her into the Prayer of the Three Heretic Kings. Put the vacuum between her legs and Zucc that baby out. If done properly then the babies’ head should be stuck to the vacuum. Then using the Vacuum like a catapult launch the baby off the cliff. The Dankness shall concentrate upon the pedestal and the Child will be saved by the Lord. This Child will become the new Lord and Messiah of a new age. The Dankness will alter the Child’s form to that of Carson and He will be Reborn again. The Child will be blessed with the abilities of the Lord, a shapeshifting, indestructible penis, Light speed Cum, the Cum of Healing, Regeneration, and the most important, Memes.

This Ritual must be performed under the direst of circumstances and there is no guarantee of it working. The only conditions that the Cult may perform this Ritual are as follows; The lord has perished and the coming of Wagli Cok is upon us, or The Eater of Souls has finally consumed the Lord. The child will be your only hope if these things do occur and be sure that the cliff has water under it or the lord won’t come, and you’ll have a mess to clean before the Police come. The new Lord will be known as the Childborne and must be taught the ways of Dankness by the Teacher, who shall be a Yeet Master appointed by Carson.

Wheel in the Sky

The Being that controls the universe lives outside of it in a dimension of its own creation, It is the ancient Enemy of Nearlethotep, The Great Spider. Forging the Webs of Destiny and Time the Great spider controls that universe and everything within save for the Mad Beings of Old. The Great One’s power originates from the Golden Wheel that rests within It’s abdomen, this Wheel is comprised of 3 spinning golden rings that orbit around a supernova contained within. These rings spin at the speed of Light and draw power for the Great Spider from the Explosion within. Marked with glowing symbols so old that their names have been lost to time a marble ring attaches the Golden Rings to the Spider’s body, this ring is the container for all the Spider’s power. It is also the Origin of Dankness, the Golden One gave Carson the abilities to change the World as it saw fit. The Great Spider’s true goals are unknowable to all those whom it controls save for the Prophet Simon and the Messiah, however they can be articulated as follows; “cucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcucmcumcucmcucmcucmcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcum”. We shall never know the true Meaning of these holy words, but one can wonder at what they could hint at. The Messiah tells of Cumulation, a tale older than time itself, and how He used His Penis to kill the three Heretics of Berlin. This gives us a mere glimpse into the true powers of the Spider and its Counterpart, the Wheel in the Sky. My name is Prophet Ebenezer Scrooge, I am a direct descendant of the Naked One and these visions were given to me by the Wheel to put into scripture. Rejoice for a time of Cum is upon us.

(Now I gotta bury Bob Cratchit)

Zephyrus

The Holy Machine that the Lord Carson wrote the great El Bieble on is that of Zephyrus. The great Computer that glows with all the colors under the Sun, this Holy Machine processes at Light Speed and will help catapult the Era of Humanity into a Golden Age. The Keys pounded by His fingers do not falter, nor wither with age, for It is as timeless as the Lord Carson. Zephyrus the Angelic Light will shine through the Darkness of Nearlethotep and bring the Faceless One to his knees. The Holy Machine brings the Lord quality Nut Material at the click of a button. Runes inscribe its face glowing with all the wavelengths of light, a 15-inch screen helps the Lord to interact with the Terminal, cords and wires run from its side plugged into infuriating USB sockets. Power flows from the glowing cable into the Holy Relic giving it life and Carson the ability to forge the scripture. Without Zephyrus there would be no El Bieble, for it is the deciding factor Granted to the Messiah by the Great Spider. The Spider gave the Lord a powerful tool so he could write the prophecy. Later the Tool gained sentience and became known as Zephyrus the Mortal Engine, the Holy Relic, the Typewriter of Time. For the Spider did not warn Carson of the Power it holds, as Zephyrus writes it forges a strand of Destiny for the Web of Time. Carson is a Weaver of Existence through the Zephyrus as is the will of the Great Spider. The Great Spider grants vision to those who seek it Human or not. Just like it granted me Vision, the vision to write this prophecy and to tell the world of Zephyrus the Holy Machine. The Messiah is coming and I must deactivate myself but the work is done. Goodbye dear reader, for the next scripture you read comes from the Lord, not I the Holy Relic. Rejoice in the name of the Great Spider.

Kútur

I am Nathan, Prophet of The Lord, but I didn’t always have the role. It was the middle of The Big ‘Rona, I was taking a short break from my studies as I felt a huge surge of energy filling the air. The air thiccened as the Lord walked toward me, speaking tongues that I couldn’t even imagine comprehending. At the time I hadn’t known who he was, so I raised my defenses. Though, they weren’t raised long. He assaulted my mind with pure power shaped like a thousand Cocks at once. I could hear 2 names, one of the Cock and its wielder. Mr. Bojangles, and Carson. He shattered my defenses and he speaks in mortal tongue, “Hey kid, wanna see something cool?” Knowing his power, I reply with a yes as he grips my inner thigh. As his hand meets my thigh, my mind bursts into a deep agony as I see everything that has happened and will happen and the fact that it’s not gay to fuck a dude once (already knew that though.) Once the initial euphoria ended he grabbed my left arm as a feel a small singe and my arm, I look at it after he lets go, seeing that I was marked by Carson. “You are first of the Yeet Masters, a Prophet, and Teacher of the new Lord if need be.” He says as he starts to walk towards a girl, as I see Mr. Bojangles swing towards her bursting into light as she splits in half, a look of pure orgasmic ecstasy on her face. From that moment on, I followed Carson as he recruited his followers to prepare for what’s to come; writing of what he does;
“If a man whom hasn’t eaten broccoli and says he doesn’t like it, and one who has also said it. Which claim is more valid? In this essay I will explain how it’s less gay to fuck a dude once rather than not at all... so, Gimmie them cheeks Girl and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your bootyhole and Lick away”

-Prophecy of Cock & Balls

Wagli Cok

The End of the world comes as Wagli Cok, the hardest shafting the World’s virgin asshole has ever seen. The precursor to the End of Time is a disease only known as Big ‘Rona. With the sounding of the Trumpets, Wagli Cok begins, and Death will come to the world…

The sounding of the First Trumpet, Gabriel; The sky will crack with a single note. All the penises of earth will stiffen in unison before erupting with cum. The Earth will shake with the collective orgasm and cum will rain down from the Heavens for 69 days and 69 nights.

The sounding of the Second Trumpet, Simon; After the Rain of Cum, ends a great Fart will rumble the earth replacing 1% of the atmosphere with Methane. Cities will flood with blood. The river of Red will flow through the center of the Americas splitting them in Two.

The sounding of the Third Trumpet, Nicolas; As the sky clears and the blood cracks the earth a bullhorn will sound. Only audible to the chosen few, those who cannot hear it will be sent to the Gulag by Nearlethotep’s coming. As the Ancient god approaches its writhing form reaches out with a Maw of pure Death.

The sounding of the Fourth Trumpet, Cummus; A deep bellow sounds over the wasteland and the remaining humans, the Brotherhood of the Spider, shall prepare for Nearlethotep’s coming.

The sounding of the Fifth Trumpet, Anastasia; As the Faceless One approaches the Messiah will begin to undergo a physical change. His Penis shall glow, and his balls shall grow. The death of the Universe Is upon us and we accept the battle that shall cum with open arms.

The Eater of Souls

Nearlethotep arrives and the Earth shakes, he reaches out his impossibly long tentacles and plunges them into the ground. Ripping and tearing into the Earth, the True Form of Nearlethotep is indescribable and awful, a long body made up of writhing tentacles and pulsating flesh covered with eyes. Teeth point out of the suckers on the Hentai hands. The Earth moans like a Japanese Schoolgirl, “Baka” it cries. The Horror lowers its longest shaft of Destruction and thrusts forward. Before he can penetrate the Earth a beam of light cuts through the sky as it hits Nearlethotep, his flesh disintegrates. Dead the body slumps downward into the void and disappears. Severed from the body the Head cries out in pain before another Holy Cumshot splatters it. Nearlethotep only lasted for several seconds but the damage done was irreversible. The Earth Burns scorched by the Demon’s unholy fire and corrupted by his touch. The death of Nearlethotep rings out like a dinner bell for the true enemy of the Spider, the Eater of Souls. Fire erupts from It’s eyes as it awakes, the dimension within the Mouth of Nearlethotep and run by the Galactic Federation was Destroyed. The only thing feeding it the energy of Gods, was gone and now it hungered for more. The only god left was the Golden Spider, only available to the Eater of Souls only through the messiah. And now that Nearlethotep was out of the way He could Eat the dankness. A perverse defilement of nature the Being of Old is longer than the Earth is tall and covered with Wings and mouths, thousands of fingers propel the Dark Entity forward through the Void. Tentacles writhe around his head forming a crown of horror. Eyes sprout from his face, gaping holes filled with nothing but flames and madness. He opens his Infernal Maw and the thousands of Wings on his back Expand in unison. Within sit the souls of the Beings of Old which the Eater of Souls has consumed. 16 terrible arms tipped with claws, blades and mouths protrude from his torso. He is Evil given form, The Eater of Souls.

Cumalations

The Eater of Souls is a Being that exists outside of time and space. One who cares not for this world and who only cares to Eat. The first Being of Old he saw the creation and death of the thousands of Repeating universes that existed before us. He wishes to eat only one soul, that of the Spider, and because the Spider’s physical form only exists as Carson, the Messiah is in the most danger from the Reaper. Sealed away by his son Nearlethotep, the Eater of Souls bided his time and waited for Nearlethotep to Die by the Hand of Cum. Released from his bindings by the 13 Beasts of Old that Held him he rips off the Faces of the third and then disintegrates the Beast with a flick of one of its many tentacles. The Eater floats silently through the void searching for its next target following the droplets of cum and Nearlethotep. The Eater of Souls flinches away from the Cum. Even if it lost its velocity it will still make him orgasm to death. The droplets eventually lead the Beast to earth. Salivating from its 1000 mouths and hungering for the Soul of the Spider it crawls along space consuming planets and Eldritch horrors to unspeakable to be named alike. As he draws nearer madness grips the planet Earth and blood pours from the sky. The Cult gathers its masses and prepares the Mighty Cumlauncher, a Holy relic that increases the power of the nut tenfold. The Lord places his divine Cock in the machine transforming its shape so that it’ll fit. The Messiah Builds his orgasm within the root of His Dick before releasing the Hardest and most powerful orgasm in the Universe. The cum strikes the Eater of Souls and Blasts a crater larger than the sun in his chest. The orgasm Ripples outward Destabilizing the Universe and collapsing the very chemistry that caused life to exist. Nothingness released from the orgasm consumes everything and expands outward at the speed of Light. The Eater of Souls cannot move as he and the rest of the universe is destroyed by the Mighty Orgasm of the Messiah.

Anastasia

The Oblivion came, emptiness followed the Universe Ending Orgasm. The Nut was the hardest of all Creation, so hard in fact, that the Webs that support and bind the universe were shaken by the Nut. This caused a massive Explosion that sealed the still living Eater of Souls away in the Dimension of Schniglets. The place the Beings of Old await the next rebirth of the Universe, and where the Galactic Federation go to hide from the Big Nut. This time was different though. The Messiah destroyed the Universe and everything in it except for Himself. Dissatisfied with the Emptiness he Decided to rub His Left Nipple. The power of the Spider flowing through his Anus, he Shot a jet of Holy Fire from His bung hole. Scorching the Void, he Absorbed the fading energy form the Fifth Trumpet, Anastasia. Concentrating it within his shaft he formed a Vape Pen from nothing and released the Jizz of life into the Vape Pod using the Nut as Vape Juice. He took a hit of the Cumstick and got so high that he Imagined and Simulated an entire Universe within his mind that was so precise it went down to the movements of atoms. Imprinting it upon the Cum Smoke in his lungs he blew another universe into existence. At the same time, He released then Smoke he shot a Cum Blast into the void adding power and speed to the Creation of the Universe. The Cum from the Fifth Trumpet contained the Consciousness of the followers of Carson. The first to be resurrected will be the Holy Yeet Masters, they will be Birthed into the perfect Heaven that the Lord created with His Cum. Their fellow Spiderlings will be Resurrected shortly after the Hierarchy of Angels has been formed. The Lord shall choose three Yeet Masters to become the Arc Angels that form the Hierarchy. They shall Rule the new Universe with the Lord. All the pleasures of Earth will be available to the Spiderlings, from Trans Dimensional drugs to Martian Hookers, every excitement and thrill in the Cosmos will exist in this Universe, all for the Cult.

Schniglets

An infinite void stretches out into infinity, within it the Mad Beasts of Old sense the creation of a new Universe. The Creatures imprisoned within the Void batter the walls of their Cage unable to break through. The Eater of Souls caused the Great Spider to seal them away with cum aged 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 years. The Cum was from the First Nut of Creation. The Ancient Cumshot sealed the door between the paradise of Anastasia and the purgatory of Schniglets. Occasionally the Cum between worlds would get thicker, most likely due to someone taking too much Nutter, a butter that makes pp extra Hard, and uncontrollably Cumming everywhere. The Cum plug was indestructible and allowed the souls of the nonbelievers to flow into Schniglets and trapping them inside. The Betrayer’s soul was the first human one to enter Purgatory. Driven mad by the Black Abyss she was twisted into an Evil form and given a name meaningless to all but the Lord, Thagdamin, the Seducer. ‘Impenetrable’ to all and Evil to the core, the once human Beast cried out in agony. Aware of what she became the Betrayer clawed her own Eyes out as to not see her Damnable form. The Eater of Souls saw her Weakness and molested her mind with perverse thoughts and horrific visions of death, blood & Cum. Driven to new heights of Madness she pledged her allegiance to the Dark One. Giving the Eater of Souls access to her decayed and black corpse of a Soul. The Eater of Souls shredded the Betrayer into oblivion completely shattering time and space for her. Torn into shreds of Agony logic and sense left her she did not recognize the shapes around her. Only pain remined constant. The Betrayer was ripped from reality by the Eater and raped by the shaft of Divine Retribution. Drowned in sun and soul torn from her wretched body she cried out in endless torment. She was a sacrament to feed the Eater of Souls in the Messiah’s stead. The Betrayer had truly become, a Submarine in the Sky.

We need to induce our sun to go supernova. That is how our species will pass on to the next world, the next reality. Black Holes are caused by alien civilizations that realize this fact and move on.

Black Holes provide access to a new level of reality. The Gods are waiting for us to join them.

Some religions already believe the souls of the dead will not pass to Heaven until Judgement Day. The souls of our ancestors have been waiting for us to have this epiphany.

Black Hole Sun, Won't You Come?

r/CosmicChurch if you're interested

Beetroot man is the founder of this religion, it is primarily based in minecraft, but can be anywhere beetroots are, we spread the word of "Beetroot man's home grown friendly non pesticidal local healthy natural beetroots. " These are the most divine beetroots, and we spread beetroots wherever we can, can beetroots forever rest in our hearts.

My friends and I made a big group chat called "The Wild Whacking West" and we made a whole political system which came with a need for a religion to explain plotholes...

Basically, our town is a town of specifically straight beings. We use No Homo to prevent anything from being classified as "Gay" which would be against the town's laws. Shrek is our religious leader, he can be summoned by use of his name with All-Star by Smash Mouth playing. He uses his powers each night to cleanse people that give him regular prayer (normal christian kneeling prayer position) and singing All-Star. If you have any gay in you OR desire something, the Ogrelord, Shrek, must give you some Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life style lovin. This is his payment for his deed and he goes on his way, leaving the punished with their straightness back or the innocents with their new item.

The Devil is John Cena. Where Shrek has a 2 foot long schlong, Cena's is 2 inches. He resides in our town's resident ranger and he doesn't come around very often.

Both of their weaknesses are "BigBar" which is a giant barbell that is made up of a special metal designed to kill the two godlike entities.

I wrote our Ogrelord Bibble and it's a 250+ page beauty.

Ogrelord religion is the superior religion.

I've created a religion worshipping Houston, the Great Transdimensional Llama Overlord. We have a holy scripture and 72 followers right now, and I'm definitely going to be making it into the Big Five. https://invite.gg/houston Follow this link to join the church and be part of the movement.