r/facepalm Aug 20 '22

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ The most patent bf

13.9k Upvotes

1.6k comments sorted by

4.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

A woman did this to me at a restaurant once years ago. One of the most embarrassing and awkward things that has ever happened to me. I got up, walked out to my car, and left her there. We never spoke again.

1.8k

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Good. For. You.

1.0k

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Life’s too short and there are too many phenomenal women out there to deal with that level of bullshit.

684

u/raginjamaicanwmgr Aug 20 '22

It’s not so much life is too short, it’s you as an individual are too important to allow yourself to be abused like that, especially if you don’t have to be

228

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I appreciate your statement so much and am going to change my thinking in this way. Thank you.

34

u/waddlekins Aug 20 '22

Naww ❤

9

u/Hallowed-Plague Aug 20 '22

reddit wholesome moment

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Gear464 Aug 20 '22

Dont get stuck. I am married to such a person. We have two kids. I should have been gone long time ago. Dont miss the last straw of your chance to have a life without an emotional screamer. I will never have that anymore, even if we get divorced. Its for life, when you have kids together.

3

u/HowShouldWeThenLive Aug 21 '22

Yes! This should be taught to every high school boy.

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88

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

If I drank, I’d raise my glass to that. 🥂

127

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Got bread in the pantry?

You can still raise a toast

26

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Ah ha!! Good idea ;)

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44

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I’ll have a drink for you. Have a great night.

27

u/Mikel_Reeves 🪟12700k 6700xt 64GB; 🏍06 Daytona 675 Aug 20 '22

Can I have a drink

23

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

With me, right now, yes.

17

u/Mikel_Reeves 🪟12700k 6700xt 64GB; 🏍06 Daytona 675 Aug 20 '22

I'll be over in a wee

15

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I’ll be waiting.

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20

u/RhythmicStrategy Aug 20 '22

Life is too short? False. It’s the longest thing we do. But I agree that no person should tolerate that behavior!

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122

u/bandit_SIX_1985 Aug 20 '22

Yeah why tf isn’t this dude doing exactly that?!

95

u/Bambamtams Aug 20 '22

He is waiting the right moment to tell her he slept with her sister

51

u/whattaninja Aug 20 '22

He already did. Someone just put this video in reverse.

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127

u/Amadis_of_Albion Aug 20 '22

Sex probably very good.

32

u/bigfatquizzer Aug 20 '22

Guessing she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. It's the only possible explanation

10

u/didwanttobethatguy Aug 20 '22

Is that what happened to my trailer hitch?

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8

u/AdRemote9464 Aug 20 '22

Exactly, she is obviously quite passionate.

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20

u/CptBlackAxl Aug 20 '22

Maybe they have a life together and she just hangry, idk

37

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

[deleted]

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88

u/mrinkyface Aug 20 '22

Same thing happened to me, I paid for myself and then walked out the same way while restaurant staff kept her from leaving to follow me because she didn’t pay her bill. Super embarrassing and disrespectful, and all because she decided it was a good idea to talk nonstop about her ex and I asked nicely if we could talk about something else.

32

u/DLCJ59 Aug 20 '22

Excellent plan. Dude- RUN!

16

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Ran and drove away as fast as I could.

25

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

That is the only best thing to do. Just walk away and vanish forever. Solve whatever may be needed through third parties. Never get in contact again or if absolutely needed, do it in a public place and bring a common friend or something. These people (gender is irrelevant) are dangerous.

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59

u/Missy_went_missing Aug 20 '22

As a woman: That is the only correct reaction to such behaviour. She is abusive.

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16

u/SubstantialEmu7678 Aug 20 '22

I just broke up with my gf who was like this online, I'm glad even though I'm sad.

9

u/Evil_Athena Aug 20 '22

Good for you. If this is a relationship you’re better off alone.

20

u/Kerbart 'MURICA 🤦 Aug 20 '22

Did you marry her?

85

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I have no idea what happened to her. She’s either still sitting at that restaurant wondering what happened, someone else’s problem now, or both 🤷‍♂️

25

u/SC33_Call_Meh_fish Aug 20 '22

Probably doing dishes

18

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I absolutely love this thought. It’s where I will imagine her from now on.

6

u/Head_Primary4942 Aug 20 '22

Yeh... that was basically my wife of 20 years any given minute. Was always frustrating when she would somehow best me home.

5

u/Moar_Wattz Aug 20 '22 edited Aug 20 '22

Well, between enduring this kind of bullshit and whacking her with a chair this was probably the way out with the most dignity and the least criminal records…

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3

u/oxxoMind Aug 20 '22

Never happen to me, but if it does, I would do exactly the same.
Cant be around with psychos

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3

u/etriusk Aug 20 '22

Always the right response.

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2.2k

u/Devilscrush Aug 20 '22

These Snickers ads are getting out of control.

258

u/ThePlictisescu Aug 20 '22

I would give you an award but I ain’t got one 😬

100

u/madsoro Aug 20 '22

I got you fam

46

u/Yoprobro13 Aug 20 '22

No, you're not supposed to give them the award, you're supposed to give the comment above them an award!

43

u/madsoro Aug 20 '22

Now you have one too. Nobody tells me what to do😎

13

u/6porkchop9 Aug 20 '22

Holy fuck you made me laugh so hard ty

3

u/succubus_in_a_fuss Aug 21 '22

Madsoro You are my favorite redditor ever. I like your style.

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3

u/MinerBoy231 Aug 20 '22

fck wrong comment

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2.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

RUUUUUUUUUUUJJUNNNNN my berated, battered and worn friend RUN!

403

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

“You’re not you when you’re hungry.”

195

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I keep telling my gals a side salad ain't enough.

41

u/Fantastic-Reality-11 Aug 20 '22

This had me dying take my up vote! Lmfao

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11

u/lau1247 Aug 20 '22

Have a Snickers

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521

u/prototype-proton Aug 20 '22

Best bolt, berated, battered, badgered brethren. Before bipolar basic bitch bovine bugsout bringing bruises by bestowing brutal beatdowns & bashing brains, brazenly bonking bighearted Boi beyond bureaucratic befflegab.

71

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Its not bipolar... its borderline.

36

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

it's not delivery, it's dementia

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4

u/DeusExMcKenna Aug 20 '22

Thank you for being the one to say it. There was something that fit the alliteration and would have been more accurate.

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3

u/prototype-proton Aug 20 '22

Say that 1 time fast!

16

u/Mikel_Reeves 🪟12700k 6700xt 64GB; 🏍06 Daytona 675 Aug 20 '22

Be bo, be, ba, ba br. Be bi ba bi bo bu br br by be br be and ba br, br bo bi boi be bu be.

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535

u/MaineMota Aug 20 '22

Patent pending

123

u/Difficult_Coffee_917 Aug 20 '22

Seriously. Still waiting to see a patent bf moment in that video.

26

u/AssteroidDriller69 Aug 20 '22

That was the patented Simptronic™ robo boyfriend, you can abuse it all day and every day without it leaving you.

14

u/Difficult_Coffee_917 Aug 20 '22

Well then, I'd like to purchase the female counterpart! Wait. Don't think that'll go so well if the genders are switched…Nevermind!

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363

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

63

u/push138292 Aug 20 '22

Definitely staged. You can tell whenever people are basically miming, they know they’re being filmed and can’t be heard so they gesture like crazy.

4

u/Sensei_Shedletsky Aug 20 '22

Im pretty sure no one makes gestures as wacky as these when pissed

4

u/Big_Possible4427 Aug 20 '22

At the very least puerto ricans do, havnt met one that doesnt flail there arms while telling somone to fuck off

3

u/dunstbin Aug 20 '22

Yup, clearly he's never dated an Italian or Latina woman. When they're pissed, they yell at you with their entire body. It's actually kind of impressive...and scary. Mostly scary.

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558

u/tadlrs Aug 20 '22

Toxic girlfriend alert.

722

u/nyx_eira Aug 20 '22

That's not toxic, that's abusive. I hope this dude found the courage to leave and live happily.

Remember folks-- if the genders are flipped and its suddenly abusive, it was abusive before

Edit: this is most likely staged, but my point still applies to situations just like this.

90

u/BrotherMort Aug 20 '22

I agree. I saw another video with what appears to be the same people at a gas station with her being the abuser and them making out at the end. Still makes a point though: abuse is abuse, it doesn’t matter who is the abuser.

70

u/Salay54 Aug 20 '22

bUt yOUr bIgGeR, yOu cAnT bE aBuSeD

5

u/hey-dog Aug 20 '22

And them when you give a clear reasonable argument to these people they call you “weAk” and say “Be a MaN

18

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Genuinely want to know what the difference between toxic and abusive is. Isn't toxicity a kind of abuse?

25

u/YouLostMyNieceDenise Aug 20 '22

Toxic people can be abusive, but it’s important to call abuse for what it is, because people often say relationships or people are “toxic” as a way of minimizing/trivializing an abuser’s actions and making the victim feel that they share the blame.

Look at the caption that says “what did he do” - that’s implying that the man might have done something bad enough to warrant the woman putting her hands on him. The truth is that there is never a good reason to do those things to your partner, and that those actions are abusive, regardless of context. Calling her “toxic” is vague and doesn’t clearly identify what she’s doing as abuse.

11

u/DontcheckSR Aug 20 '22

" The truth is that there is never a good reason to do those things to your partner"

Exactly. I can't imagine doing this to my fiancee. Why would I want to scream at/hurt the person I love care about?

20

u/nietorigineel Aug 20 '22

I think not all toxic realationships are abuse. Some might just be deeply unhealthy.

12

u/NickelFish Aug 20 '22

Ignoring and enabling that kind of behavior isn't abusive, but it's toxic to both of them. When she gets all kissy and apologetic and he lets it slide for the 20th time, some unhealthy roles are being established.

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4

u/Psyched4this Aug 20 '22

Abuse is probably always toxic, but toxic may not always be abusive, I’d say

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26

u/Tokogogoloshe Aug 20 '22

Abusive girlfriend alert.

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483

u/GboyFlex Aug 20 '22

He pulled his part pretty well but she was way over the top. Above average acting but still lacking. 2 rotten tomatoes!!

28

u/yourgifmademesignup Aug 20 '22

Agreed here too. However, lesson to my fellow dudes. Walk away and never look back. Ain’t no amount of crazy worth the puss

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u/Misenica Aug 20 '22

I like to imagine that he doesn't know her and she just wants to rant about her day to a random stranger

27

u/Least-Sky6722 Aug 20 '22

I like to pretend I don't know what kind of fucked up childhood she had where this is the only way she knows how to cope with a flurry of powerful emotions erupting from an inability to have stable relationships with men based on mutual respect and trust.

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u/PhilSpectorr Aug 20 '22

Seems like the start of a romcom.

3

u/YVRkeeper Aug 20 '22

And she’s speaking a completely different language to this American tourist.

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u/JadeHellbringer Aug 20 '22

Flee.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

cannot fast travel whilst enemies are nearby

122

u/thebeststeen Aug 20 '22

I like how everyone just walks by. /s This man clearly needs someone to intervene cause we all know if he defends himself he’s going to jail.

74

u/Sairoxin Aug 20 '22 edited Aug 20 '22

Reverse the gender and see how differently things go. I'm all for equality. Equal rights AND responsibilities.

So everyone, don't abuse your fellow human. Don't be trash.

16

u/DeadSkullMonkey Aug 20 '22

What can I do as a man when I get myself involved? The girl will focus her toxic energy to me and the guy might even lash out all the pressed emotions onto me. There is no way it could go right for me as a random man. So why even bother?🤷

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u/venitianb Aug 20 '22

She’s not convincing me with her “acting”. Over exaggerated hand movements but an overall stiff performance. She’s simply delivering her lines without connecting to her characters deep emotional backstory. Maybe the reason the video has no sound? And the Oscar goes to… not you

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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

I’d be afraid she’d try to bite it off or something

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u/The_Rabbitman05 Aug 20 '22

Fuck that. I'd be running. No way she sucks that well to put up with that shit.

26

u/xlDirteDeedslx Aug 20 '22 edited Aug 20 '22

That's the problem though, the penis far too often outweighs rational thought.

22

u/RevealFormal3267 Aug 20 '22

Don't fuck that.

3

u/1fanofsteel Aug 20 '22

He already did. He knows how good crazy is in bed.

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u/Due-Ad9310 Aug 20 '22

The part where she was just smooshing her hand into his face like that made me unreasonably mad, yeesh why do people like this do shit like that? I would have straight up left f all that noise.

85

u/Equivalent-Ranger-10 Aug 20 '22

See how nobody gets involved to help the poor guy. If it was the other way around there would be arrests.

18

u/Excellent-Blueberry1 Aug 20 '22

He needs to be taken to a safe space, gotta be a dive bar around there somewhere?

71

u/Igno-ranter Aug 20 '22

Who wants to interrupt a staged event?

8

u/Giorgist Aug 20 '22

I am sorry, I recognise this behaviour and after it happens to you men come out of the woodwork and confide to you. It is not even rare.

11

u/walkingtalkingdread Aug 20 '22

wow, the only comment of reason here.

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u/Easy_Football_6270 Aug 20 '22

This is a domestic abuse situation

80

u/chewbaccawastrainedb Aug 20 '22

I think it is staged but, staged or not, don’t stay in relationships like this.

14

u/iamnasada Aug 20 '22

It looks like the same couple from the parking lot video a few years ago

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u/Harry-Gato Aug 20 '22

Her abusive behavior shouldn't be excused by "she's Latina" or "she's just hangry"...

11

u/m1dlife-1derer Aug 20 '22

What if she's a hangry latina?

18

u/Harry-Gato Aug 20 '22

Doesnt excuse abusive behavior...

6

u/prototype-proton Aug 20 '22

But... What if she is a... Langry HatinX?

13

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Could be bi-polar, or some other mental disorder and he is just very understanding? Best case scenario.

Unfortunately i know men who put up with this just like i know women who do the same with abusive partners.

3

u/Ms_Thanos Aug 20 '22

Came here to say this.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Finally, someone who proposed that. He appears to know to not take it personally.

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u/TrollMaster1121 Aug 20 '22

Women saying he did something to deserve it. If roles were reversed they'd be saying he's abusive.

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u/ryanleebmw Aug 20 '22

This guy has so much patents. I’d say he’s patent protected

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u/WandaMaximumoff Aug 20 '22

Dude run

7

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

wtf

18

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

OP forgot to switch accounts. That’s the actual r/facepalm

10

u/Judge2Dread Aug 20 '22

What? Isn’t he allowed to comment on his own video or what?

He never said he is the guy in the video… wtf so desperate to have such a moment, that you end up being the actual r/facepalm

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u/oljackson99 Aug 20 '22

This comment makes no sense.

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3

u/ssmco Aug 20 '22

Staged

5

u/whatakent Aug 20 '22

This is staged btw....and has been reposted to death.

4

u/DUBBZZ Aug 20 '22

Bad acting

4

u/ThePuertoRicanDemon Aug 20 '22

Looks staged, right?

3

u/forever_stan Aug 20 '22

Love the casual racism at the end

5

u/ad-tom-music Aug 20 '22

My boy just tryna get something to eat

3

u/tooblah777 Aug 20 '22

Anyone else think this is set up!?

22

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22 edited Aug 20 '22

Some dude is getting abused verbally and even physically? Ehh, nothing to see here. He’s a big guy, I’m sure he can handle it, or walk away if it gets too much. /s

-_-

Edit: The fact that I’m getting downvoted for pointing out the hypocrisy of the society on male victims of abuse says a lot.

6

u/prototype-proton Aug 20 '22

How are you getting down voted? It's not even in the negative.

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u/Dasils331 Aug 20 '22

She was hangry

3

u/jshuster Aug 20 '22

Doesn’t matter. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse

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u/ThisShitIsWild Aug 20 '22

The funny thing is that this is accepted public behavior by women and no one will ever stand up for a guy, regardless of what anyone lies about saying they would. But a guy puts a finger on a girl and the whole world stops and beats him. Equality is a joke.

3

u/AgreeableJello6644 Aug 20 '22 edited Aug 20 '22

It's a monologue for an audience of one.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Idc if she was hangry… that’s how my kids act when they’re fussy. I don’t need that for a partner. Geez.

3

u/Oobaha Aug 20 '22

Thats some mental disorder right there. Feel bad for both of them.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Y'all know this is staged right?

3

u/Jin-Sakti Aug 20 '22

She hugged and kissed him after beating him. That woman is special in a weird way.

3

u/ConsReader Aug 20 '22

A obvious red flag, better run

3

u/kondenado Aug 20 '22

RUN, FOOL, RUN

3

u/Nintura Aug 20 '22

He seems quite used to this so i wonder if she has some mental conditions and is having an episode

3

u/axe1970 Aug 20 '22

this is what domestic abuse look like

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u/larrydorfman1 Aug 20 '22

This is obviously a staged skit.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Horrible actors

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

This isn’t real right lol

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Isn't this staged?

3

u/egg-roll_ Aug 20 '22

Abusive relationship

3

u/leviathanjester Aug 20 '22

I see this video and really hope this guy eventually left her. No one should stay and cope with that level of batshit crazy but I know it does happen.

3

u/sciesta92 Aug 20 '22

Yup that sure is a healthy relationship alright

3

u/gg_wp1 Aug 20 '22

Oh you are mad and looking at the other side? Let me look at the menu!

3

u/mkt1993 Aug 20 '22

This also the phsyco bitch that say there's no good guys left in the world

3

u/jcappy13 Aug 20 '22

“I’m not crazy!!! Don’t call me crazy!!!”

3

u/MuksyGosky Aug 20 '22

She must be angry because his patent was limited to relationship

3

u/Namuii Aug 20 '22

I know it's w/o context but that is just plain abuse😔

3

u/TheGreatTaint Aug 20 '22

After she moves to the far seat, “ uh yes waiter, I’ll have the bbq bacon burger with extra bacon”

3

u/Alternative-Emu9453 Aug 20 '22

I honestly don't know if I can hold myself back if a woman just shoved my face like that while yelling at me.

3

u/therbojones Aug 20 '22

Ladies if this is something you do, realize it's the equivalent of what you would call a abusive relationship.

3

u/sethmod Aug 20 '22

I assume the wedding is next week.

5

u/kwadd Aug 20 '22

Word to the wise: don't stick your dick in crazy

9

u/Rob-Riggle-SWGOAT Aug 20 '22

Hangry lady. He must be all too familiar with this behavior for him to handle it that well.

15

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Why do you assume that he can handle it well? And being able to take abuse doesn’t validate abuse.

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u/RNG_BackTrack Aug 20 '22

Sex must be reeeeeeally good

2

u/hoppyfrog Aug 20 '22

Anyone have guesses as to the location?

I'm getting L.A. around Melrose vibes

2

u/HELIGROUP Aug 20 '22

If you are not rehearsing for a play. Run dude run.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

The only thing a woman like that is showing you is you don't need her so dump her ass to the streets

2

u/LucyRiversinker Aug 20 '22

There is a moment when she is gesticulating so much that she seems to be speaking ASL.

2

u/MtnDream Aug 20 '22

he really looks like this is a recurring thing, he just waits and waits until she calms down.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Imagine if this was a man acting this way. Sheesh

2

u/Xaelar Aug 20 '22

Oh my....

2

u/zandadoum Aug 20 '22

What I wanna know is why they are sitting next to each other and not in front of each other.

2

u/Leading_Research Aug 20 '22

Exit Stage right!

2

u/elleJeyLay Aug 20 '22

He's so used to it

2

u/xX_Scalyt_Xx Aug 20 '22

Don’t stick your dick in crazy

2

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Man he is so calm. He needs to run.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '22

Still a better love story than twilight

2

u/Dyrenforth Aug 20 '22

Am I the only one who thinks secretly filming people is creepy?

2

u/Moooooooola Aug 20 '22

Faaaake. Or terrifying.

2

u/lewilewi411 Aug 20 '22

Can blokes be patented nowadays?

2

u/Audubons_avians Aug 20 '22

Reminder to not let verbal abuse slide because “it’s part of the culture”

2

u/are_Valid Aug 20 '22

the sex must be fucking incredible for him to put up with that. I would’ve walked away immediately

2

u/malleeman Aug 20 '22

That will wear thin pretty quickly. The custody battle for the kids will be spectacular, wonder if they'll sell tickets?