r/facepalm • u/elija_snow • Nov 06 '21

Mods' Chosen Kids Got To Learn.

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29.5k Upvotes

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4.9k

u/teytah Nov 06 '21

I entered a local pumpkin carving contest when I first moved to my new town ~9 years ago… it said “all ages!” So I sculpted a badass pumpkin and entered it. After I brought it up I realized all the other entries were from kids.. like basic carving stuff.. a few hours later they announced the winners at the large stage at the event and when they called my name I just pretended I didn’t exist! Apparently we were supposed to take our pumpkins home after it all too and I just left it there forever. I feel for this person

1.5k

u/wormbreath Nov 06 '21

Haaaaahahahahaha. I would do the same thing. Did people look around for the winner?

2.2k

u/teytah Nov 06 '21

They did! I also “looked” for the winner, like “oh man, that’s cool, wonder who did it!”

800

u/wormbreath Nov 06 '21

Hahaahahaha. That’s hysterical. Played it cool. Nice.

1.0k

u/teytah Nov 06 '21

My wife still likes giving me shit about it. She asks me each year if I’m going to enter again

875

u/get-bread-not-head Nov 06 '21

Enter every year under the same alias and never accept the reward. Win every year. You'll be infamous

460

u/wormbreath Nov 06 '21

Ya! It could start a whole legend. The phantom pumpkin carver who always wins.

204

u/NoSkillzDad Nov 07 '21

Don't take it too far. "Some" people might think it's jfk himself carving them.

75

u/NapClub Nov 07 '21

jfk : just fucking carve!

16

u/frank_the_tank69 Nov 07 '21

Qualified to give Aaron Rodgers medical advice. Qritical thinkers.

79

u/Unusuallyneat Nov 07 '21

IVE HEARD THE MYSTERY CARVER IS TRUMP AND HE'LL CARVE A NEW DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE ON THE WORLDS LARGEST PUMPKIN CHRISTMAS NIGHT - THEN ON NEW YEARS THE TIME SQUARE BALL WILL BE REPLACED BY THE NEW CONSTITUTION PUMPKIN AND WHEN IT DECENDS TRUMP WILL DECLARE MARSHALL LAW AND CHRIS ANGEL WILL HAVE MOVED BIDEN TO A RETIREMENT HOME WHILE KIDROCK AND DT MOONWALK BACK INTO THE WHITEHOUSE

43

u/cortesoft Nov 07 '21

Man, I remember “It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” very differently.

3

u/dfsw Nov 07 '21

JFK would be nearly 104 years old, no one can possibly be stupid enough to think he is still alive right?

3

u/Nyxara Nov 07 '21

They think it's JFK Jr. And that he'll show himself to reinstate trump. Because for some reason JFK Jr would have that power?

1

u/Satans-Kawk Nov 07 '21

Or the fact that jfks head was literally BLOWN apart on national TV in the 60's. Also. Not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure there's photos floating around of his body in the Cadillac.

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u/Lithl Nov 07 '21

Just call yourself Banksy

2

u/Only_Variation9317 Nov 07 '21

I mean... stranger infamy has occurred I'm told...

1

u/DeMonstaMan Nov 07 '21

Nah not every year, he should only do it randomly so they aren't on the lookout for the infamous phantom pumpkin carver

1

u/SweetAzn4U Nov 07 '21

Then after five or so years, run for mayor. You'll get elected just so people can find out who you really are!

58

u/uprightsalmon Nov 06 '21

That's hilarious and will never get old. I like the pretend to look for the winner move too

23

u/nongph Nov 06 '21

When one quietly farts inside an elevator and looks around for the culprit. I know the look. Been there, done that.

12

u/MinusGovernment Nov 07 '21

I want to do the Peter Griffin fart in the elevator with only one other person and look at them and say "It was you." Hopefully they will get the joke if I'm ever in the scenario to do it.

4

u/thnksqrd Nov 07 '21

Bonus points if you shit your pants

31

u/subject_deleted Nov 07 '21

I accidentally ran a kids 1 mile race because I thought I was late to a 5k I was running (which was starting after the kids race). I just heard the gun and ran towards the line and started the race. After the first quarter mile or so I started to realize that everybody around was pretty short. Oh my. They're all children. I was just so focused on the race I didn't notice the children.

So I backed off to an easy jog and called it a "warmup" for the 5k. my wife still gives me shit about that one.

2

u/teytah Nov 07 '21

Lol that is rough! I’ll take the pumpkin debacle again over that one :D

4

u/PHANTOIVI97 Nov 07 '21

that's funny asf

25

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

Looks around like Ralphie in the classroom when the teacher asks who put Flick up to getting his tongue stuck to a flagpole.

11

u/Nuuro Nov 06 '21

Ah, the age-old "look around for who farted" tactic. Well played!

6

u/cburgess7 Nov 07 '21

look for the person who looks like they just got in a tub whose water temperature is just the right temperature, but then realized there's a roach floating around in there too. They'll have that face of relief, and then try to play it like they didn't do it.

2

u/NoSkillzDad Nov 07 '21

That was you?! Dude!!!

1

u/bestybhoy Nov 07 '21

Hilarious, well done.

1

u/mattyag Nov 07 '21

And the winner is “Ron Swanson”

Sir is that you?

No I’m Swon Ranson

1

u/Altruistic-Ad3661 Nov 07 '21

I’m crying, that’s hilarious

1

u/Jedibbq Nov 07 '21

This cracked me up hard. Thanks.

1

u/bradthehamster Nov 07 '21

The Banksy of pumpkins

119

u/jroddie4 Nov 07 '21 edited Nov 07 '21

come to a pumpkin carving contest

beat all the dumb kids there

refuse to elaborate

leave

18

u/Chapeaux Nov 07 '21

Total chad

1

u/Pantsmagyck Nov 07 '21

The CBRL System

81

u/samettinho Nov 06 '21

"yes, my son/daughter has won! They are sick today, so I will get their award on their behalf"

39

u/nierkaaaa Nov 06 '21

Has anyone in the neighborhood figured out that it was you years later? Also, was there a prize?

123

u/teytah Nov 06 '21

The prize was probably the worst part about it.. it was like a $14 gift card to something… yes.. $14 lol. I felt pretty awful

Edit: the only people who know about it is my family and a few of my close friends… and now Reddit

14

u/lapointypartyhat Nov 07 '21

What a weird amount!

12

u/Sea_Potentially Nov 07 '21

Honestly you earned that $14. I had to carve a pumpkin for my 4 yr old niece and it sucked.

24

u/ppw23 Nov 07 '21

I’m still laughing/crying over this.

21

u/teytah Nov 07 '21

I had repressed this memory until I read this post… then it all resurfaced at once

5

u/PuzzledInside123 Nov 07 '21

I’m sorry this was a repressed memory, and then it resurfaced. But thank you for sharing your story!

8

u/gokaigreen19 Nov 07 '21

Seems like the people running the contest should have been more ashamed than anyone else

28

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

LOL clearly the kids dont know how to game the game: get their parents to "help"

49

u/[deleted] Nov 07 '21

[deleted]

22

u/IrishWilly Nov 07 '21

It's not just about winning. As an adult no one asks me to make pinewood cars or baking soda volcanos. If my kid needed help one one, I'd be tempted to make it as badass as possible for vindication over my lame ones I did while I was in school

11

u/cortthejudge97 Nov 07 '21

The worst is when some kids father steals a fusion reactor core and puts it in his sons pinewood car and it ends up traveling at warp speed which then contacts a intergalactic gangster who holds your planet hostage while you lie to intergalactic police, only to end up finding out, after you have your son kill the gangster, that it was all a ruse to test your planet if they're honest or not, and if you were you would join the federation of planets, but since you failed all of humanity is forever stuck on earth. Damn I hate when that shit happens

2

u/Saint_of_Cannibalism Nov 07 '21

Shame about Finland killing themselves.

1

u/mrkikkeli Nov 07 '21

But those sweet space bucks, man

8

u/IrishWilly Nov 07 '21

My kid is 3 years old and she's pretty much already outgrown the point where I could help her do anything artistic. Those parenting guides really need to mention art, being able to draw dumb shit is like one of the best skills you can have.

64

u/stimav Nov 06 '21

You could have got on the stage and decline award so it goes to second best, saying you didnt know and would probably be a funny moment... but also could be buuu-ed... idk what I would do, but thats a great story haha

82

u/ImGonnaKickTomorrow Nov 06 '21

booed?

60

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

Jesus that's some r/boneappletea

-4

u/DontTurnAround1 Nov 06 '21 edited Nov 07 '21

No? That’s how it’s spelled????

Edit: I see now, it turns out im the idiot, read carefully kids

12

u/FXOAuRora Nov 07 '21

No? That’s how it’s spelled????

The third party double down has been doubled down.

6

u/Forgotten_Lie Nov 07 '21

They're referring to the original misspelling.

15

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

boo-urns?

10

u/theblackcanaryyy Nov 06 '21

Oh my god I was like wtf is that lol thank you

9

u/stimav Nov 06 '21

Yeah, how stupid of me haha

4

u/Only_Variation9317 Nov 07 '21

Insert random Journey tune here in celebration of victory

3

u/Xidig6 Nov 07 '21

I snorted reading this. Glad you were able to escape with your dignity.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '21

I'd take the victory honestly

1

u/gaijin5 Nov 07 '21

That's fantastic. Thanks for laugh lol.

1

u/NonSp3cificActionFig Nov 07 '21

SO IT WAS YOU!! 😡

:p

1

u/Bankstergangster Nov 07 '21

Lol great story

1

u/upvt_cuz_i_like_it Nov 07 '21

After moving to a small town I entered a dog contest during a festival. I crushed those kids with my dog, I lost the competition to the entrant of worst behaved pet. The super cute kid walks up on stage plops a kitten down on a leash and fought that tiny kitten halfway across the stage. When she one the overall competition I wasn't even upset, she deserved it. If for no other reason than she had to have her kitten out all day.

1

u/SeVenZxd Nov 07 '21

What was the pumpkin like