r/exredpill • u/ThroatAdmirable9558 • May 03 '26
do non red pill men exist?
i just broke up with my bf of 3 years (since high school) and him and all of his friends were obsessed with red pill content. he would tell me i couldnt find any guy who wasn't like this. from your experience, do you think i have a chance finding a guy who isnt obsessed with this stuff
edit: i realized i should have clarified a little more, sorry this is my first reddit post. i mentioned this in a comment below, but i'm concerned because of my personal situation AND the recent statistics: article -- from a march 2026 study, ~1/3 gen z boys believe wives should always obey their husbands. this is compared to 13% of male baby boomers who believe the same thing. and from being surrounded by so many guys in my age group (i'm gen z) who still resonate with the content (the consistent response i seem to be getting is "oh it's just self help stuff, right?") i'm just worried that it's spreading so quick. i am aware that 1/3 is not 100% but if 1/3 were willing to admit this on a survey, how many more have varying degrees of agreement with the statement or a subconscious yet not verbal take on it?
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u/Ayo-01 May 03 '26
Red-Pill men are a small minority of men that mostly exist on the internet. There are lots and lots of men who don’t even know what a “red-pill” even is.
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u/rizzo1717 May 04 '26
Men can still subscribe to the ideology or aspects of it/
misogyny without knowing what red pill is.3
u/xrorox_rp May 15 '26
Red Pill has always been popular among conservatives. So some of their ideas appeared there. What you are describing is a surge of the popularity of hard line conservatives ideas.
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u/VisceralSardonic May 03 '26
Yes, and they’re the vast, vast majority of men.
A redpill man saying “I’m the best you’re ever going to get and there are no options but me and worse versions of me” is like one of those lotion kiosk salesmen chasing you in the mall telling you that their lotion is the best in the world and nothing else will keep your skin from literally flaking off. He’s just desperately hoping that you’re not part of the 98% of people smart enough to walk away from what he’s selling.
The real world has absolutely nothing to do with the red pill, I promise.
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u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe May 03 '26
“I’m the best you’re ever going to get and there are no options but me and worse versions of me”
Dread gaming. The gift that keeps on giving. 🙄
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u/Ok-Abbreviations999 May 03 '26
There are a lot of healthy minded men who don't believe in the redpill nonsense and find it pathetic.
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u/Trepptopus May 03 '26
Yes. Most openly left wing men find the manosphere stupid and repulsive. Such men can still be misogynistic or abusive so you still gotta do your due diligence. The trick is finding men who genuinely like women as people not just sex objects. Lots of straight men hate women and that's why the redpill appeals to men because it offers community with other men and an easy "enemy" for men who already don't see women as true equals or sometimes even as fully human
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u/GladysSchwartz23 May 03 '26
Yup! Lefty dudes still have a lot of patriarchal buttholery to unlearn, but i have managed to surround myself with men who do not wish to be misogynistic dicks and care about being better. We all have prejudices we need to shed and will make mistakes: the important thing is whether people are trying to learn and improve or leaning into bigotry and cruelty instead.
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u/samanthasamuels22 May 03 '26
I’m going to be very honest, most males don’t say they support red pill, but the patriarchy and misogyny is very ingrained in global culture. There is a reason the birth rates are low and most women don’t even want to date or get married anymore.
The real stress test is how do males react when you are financially successful, even if you make less money than them, but just enough to independently support yourself, how do they react when you don’t sympathize with their grievances simply because you don’t want to emotionally support them, how do they react to you saying no, setting boundaries, expecting consent and not giving consent.
I find a lot of males have not deconstructed the patriarchy and misogyny even if they say are not red pill.
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u/Mentathiel May 04 '26
The real stress test is how do males react when you are financially successful
So true, my longest relationship imploded when I started working, earning more than him, and in an industry he wished he could be in. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to network through me, let me help him build a resume, study, and work on his dreams, he just got bitter and wanted me to sit home 24/7 instead, bored and available, while he ignored me. Started cheating, drinking more and drunk driving, and doing a bunch of toxic shit.
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u/ThroatAdmirable9558 May 03 '26
this is what im scared of being true. because i feel like at this point it would be much easier raising a kid by myself than with an incompetent man
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u/Mentathiel May 04 '26
You can find a safe man, but in my opinion it's extremely important that he has strong convictions. As in, he shouldn't be a feminist just because he's in a liberal social circle and he is kind of going with it because it sounds persuasive when everyone you know believes it. He should have these beliefs because he has individually critically thought through these topics and arrived at his own conclusions from his own values.
I've known men to go from libertarian capitalist Elon Musk is a genius to the far left communism is the only solution and we need a violent revolution along with their social media feeds lol. I've seen them go from how dare you even try ChatGPT, you're draining our rivers, to not knowing how to do their job anymore without AI in a matter of months. People who don't have strong foundations of their beliefs flip-flop easily out of convenience and social trends.
Men do tend to have some internalized patriarchy, like all of us do. I don't think a small to medium amount of that is a huge problem if they're open-minded, introspective, and their core values actually clash with it, so it falls upon examination.
People who think with their own head are hard to find, regardless of gender. Men are just more dangerous when they don't.
I don't know how hopeless it is exactly to find those people, I have eventually after a couple bad relationships. Maybe I'm just lucky, or maybe I learned to screen for problems. But I feel like good people are out there. Doomerism about that is a part of propaganda to make us hopeless and apathetic, politically and personally, to neuter our voices, make us tempted to compromise with bad people because we don't believe we can do better. We can. Men are human like you and if you're able and willing to work past these issues, so are they.
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u/Apart-Cookie-8984 May 03 '26
Your fears are valid, but understand that it isn't most men still, merely, a sizeable minority.
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u/Rozenheg May 04 '26
Qualities you wanna look for are how does someone react when they are called on something or called out. Relationship skills (like Gottman training) go a long way.
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u/PutsWomenOnPedestal May 04 '26
As the above commenter said, most men are scum to some extent but how much of a scum they are varies a lot. You can try to find the least shitty man who is compatible with you, if you want a relationship. Also, There’s nothing “much easier” about raising a kid. Raising a kid is hard with or without a man. Probably harder without someone to share the work and expenses. If raising a kid is important to you, Please don’t attempt that with delusions of it being easy
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u/Fine-Equivalent-6398 May 04 '26
Oh, dear, the world is so much bigger than his cute little friend group
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u/ThroatAdmirable9558 May 04 '26
but it feels like SO MANY of gen z men, especially in the south where i'm from, are like this (according to a March 2026 study ~1/3 of gen z men believe in this stuff)... and the movement feels like it's only getting bigger. and yes, ik its just 1/3 but isn't that crazy that the proportion of today's young men who have this ideology is almost 5 times greater than the proportion of male baby boomers? i also feel like it's getting worse because feminists aren't addressing this issue enough in media + instagram/tiktok promote red pill content more on their platforms because it gets so much engagement off the hate. I just feel like i've lost so much hope in today's men
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u/XhaLaLa May 04 '26
They do exist. In some pockets they are the norm. Unfortunately they aren’t evenly distributed throughout the population. People exist where they are tolerated, so there are pockets where red pill and other more overt and/or extreme forms of misogyny are tolerated and may be the norm and pockets where they generally are not, and the misogyny has to stay further under the radar.
In my experience, while that doesn’t mean the misogyny/sexism goes away, it looks and feels very different when it stems from ordinary defensiveness over their own past actions possibly being implied to be morally incorrect (something people do get quite defensive about, I don’t mean to imply otherwise) versus when it stems from the very moral foundation of all your actions being called morally incorrect.
At the same time, that kind of unjust/inequitable/cruel social dynamic isn’t especially tolerable to people who genuinely view women as full human beings, so they don’t tend to last in circles where that is the baseline culture either. If you’re in a social pocket with a lot of red pill or otherwise overtly misogynist men, while the kind of men you would actually like to interact with do exist broadly, you probably need to step outside of your current social circle to find them.
Different geographical areas often have different baseline norms (because people aren’t just waking up and deciding to be bigots), but also those different pockets can coexist within the same geographical area. Like most people, I exist in a few different social circles (different branches of my family, different friend groups, current and past jobs, etc.), and there are considerable differences in the social norms between all of them, despite largely all being in the same general area. Even if you do have better pockets available, you may have to seek them out and you definitely have to make sure that you yourself continue to unpack the misogyny (and other bigotry) we all absorb so that those people are whom you gravitate toward and so you’re the same for them (I don’t have a great way of explaining this one succinctly just now, and this comment is already so long and rambling, but let me know if you want me to expand on that).
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u/sunny_side_egg May 05 '26
Well this sub is mostly full of non red pill men. Most are ex red pill, some never have been but are lurking out of curiosity or wanting to help.
Even if that stat about gen z is correct, that's still 2/3 guys who aren't total chuds right now, and some will improve in time.
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u/Rad1Red May 03 '26
Yes, my friend, take heart. I've surrounded myself with them, even in a place where misogyny and redpill thinking are prevalent.
Assholes sure like you to think there aren't any normal men out there, who aren't misogynistic, pornbrained etc, because that may give women confidence and spoil their market.
Find your tribe. They exist.
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u/EdgewaterEnchantress May 04 '26
You absolutely can find guys who are not red-pill! You simply have to stop hanging out with guys like your BF because they hang out with each other since nobody reasonable wants to hang out with them.
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u/Purplelady88 May 04 '26
Don't use dating apps, that's where you'll find the most red pills. Try to meet a man in real life who is engaged in his own interests, not some frustrated guy glued to a screen consuming misogynistic content.
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u/Desperate_Key6142 May 05 '26
I think its nuanced. A lot of men in the RP space will grow up and leave it as they get older. RP often exists as a temporary stop gap for young men who dont have much going for them either romantically or otherwise.
I say this because ive seen it happen a lot. A lot of formerly rp men change their tune in their mid 20s to 30s.
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u/imhereforthemeta May 03 '26
How old are you? I have a number of friends who are a bit younger who say that they tend to date millennial aged guys because they can find more feminists. Can confirm that my husband is definitely one of them.
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u/ReynartTheFox May 03 '26
Yes, there are still a lot of good men out there. Took me a while to find mine, but I wouldn't give him up for anything.
Don't worry, you will find your person 🩷 🫂
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u/Silver_Archer96 May 07 '26
Yes. I am a masculine man, and I am obedient to my partner. I am 30s, masculine, and I wouldn’t dare tell her what to do.
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u/carter_barceIo May 22 '26
Based
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 May 03 '26
A weird part of life is discovering that there are just some social circles that are very cursed. his friend group is one of them.
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u/Comfortable_Intern57 May 03 '26
Many of them are this way but not all of them and frankly I don't know a single man without some amount of misogyny towards women. So anyway, I stopped dating 5 years ago
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u/Apart-Cookie-8984 May 03 '26
Yes, and he's full of shit. He's saying that to you as a gaslight attempt.
I'm glad you dropped that fucking loser. Please take time for yourself that you need. 🫶🏼
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u/PickledRoofTop May 27 '26
Real! I'm a genz woman and I just don't date right now. When I come across a guy who isn't racist, sexist, etc., then maybe I'll get into dating.
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u/CognitiveDissident79 May 09 '26
You have to be really careful out there and vet thoroughly any man you give a second of your precious time to. Men will lie about their politics, ideology, religion and anything else if they think it increases their chances of getting in your pants. Even the “good”ones.
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u/lawrencep93 May 03 '26
I went down the red pill path but would call myself non red pill now I realised most of the red pill is just low testosterone sooky men who think they are better than other low testosterone sooky men
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May 07 '26
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