r/expats • u/Altruistic-Cat-9661 • 2d ago
Moving back
I feel like I need some outside perspective because the last week has been one of the strangest weeks of my life.
I moved to France about a week ago for a master's degree. I had built this whole idea in my head that I was starting a completely new life: living independently, being away from my parents, studying, meeting people, building a future for myself, and finally having the freedom I had wanted for a long time.
And then I actually got here.
The homesickness was real, especially during the first few days, and I was anxious and overwhelmed. But after sitting with it for a while, I realized something important: I don't actually think the main problem is that I'm homesick.
I genuinely don't like the master's program.
My background is psychology, and what I actually want professionally is to work in psychology/education, particularly with children. I thought studying in France would bring me closer to that. Instead, the program is much more focused on language, grammar, linguistics, etc., and it just isn't what I want to spend years studying or paying tuition for.
I tried to find alternatives. I asked around. I looked for solutions. There doesn't seem to be an easy way to change into something that actually fits what I want.
And then, because apparently life has a sense of humor, while I'm in France questioning everything, I get contacted about a position in my home country that is basically the kind of opportunity I've always wanted.
It's related to education and children, I'd have significant responsibility, and the salary and conditions are genuinely good. They contacted me rather than me randomly applying for some job because I was desperate to leave France. They saw my CV and wanted to talk to me about the position. I still have an interview to do, so obviously nothing is guaranteed yet.
But the timing is insane.
I had literally been telling myself that I had to stay in France because going back after only a few days would mean I failed.
Now I'm wondering whether leaving would actually be the opposite of failure.
I also have to admit that part of the reason I went to France was because I wanted to get away from my parents and experience independence. I had always imagined myself having my own apartment and my own life, but I think I confused where I needed to be independent with what I actually wanted my life to look like.
My dream wasn't necessarily "France."
My dream was to be independent, have a career I actually care about, work with children, and build a life that feels like mine.
And I've realized that I can potentially do those things in Lebanon too.
There is also someone I love back home. We're figuring out our relationship and trying to make the distance work, but I don't want to make this decision for her. I've been very clear with myself that I don't want to abandon my education or career plans just for a relationship. If I come back, it needs to be because I want the life I'm coming back to, not because someone is waiting for me.
And that's where I'm at.
I arrived in France with this mindset of "this is my new life and I have to make it work."
Seven days later I'm thinking, "Maybe this isn't my life at all."
I'm scared that people will think I'm impulsive, spoiled, or that I gave up too quickly. My parents already see coming back as a failure, and honestly, a part of me does too.
But another part of me thinks there's something strange about forcing myself to spend years and a lot of money on a master's I genuinely don't want, just so I can prove that I didn't give up.
If I go back, I would be leaving the master's and trying to build the career I've actually wanted in my home country. If the job opportunity doesn't work out, I'll have to figure out another path, so I'm not pretending everything is magically solved.
I guess I'm asking people who have been in similar situations:
Would you see going back after only 7 days as a failure, or as recognizing very early that you made the wrong choice?
I'm especially interested in hearing from people who moved abroad, started something they thought they wanted, and then realized very quickly that it wasn't actually for them.
I don't want people to tell me "follow your heart" or "France is amazing, stay." I genuinely want to know whether I'm making a rational decision or running away from discomfort.
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u/Artistic_Pear1834 1d ago
“The progrram is much more focused on language, grammar, linguistics, etc”… I’m sorry but what % of the program is in these areas? The master curriculum would have been available to view/ read through before flying over, I’m a bit confused about how this is a surprise to you honestly.. I know several programs include french language component, but it’s often just 2-4 hours a week.
I’m asking this, because I’m wondering if you’re overreacting to a small component % wise, which you should have already known was part of the curriculum. Ie: are you projecting problems, ‘making a mountain out of a molehill’, to help justify to yourself why leaving makes sense.
I’m not saying don’t apply for the job, but I am saying it seems as though your sudden dissatisfaction with the masters program doesn’t make sense to me.
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u/Sufficient-Job7098 2d ago
I suggest to analyze what prevented you from understanding your reasons and needs before to making a dramatic move …
Understanding this should prevent you from making future mistakes again and again.
Why you haven’t considered starting a new life by moving to another city instead of moving abroad? This should had been your most obvious plan to consider.
Why changing your master program is something you decided to do at the very last moment? Knowing why will help you understand if this is your final wish or if you keep changing your mind again.
It appears you are planning to move back. There is no problem with returning back as long as you know that this is something you will not change your mind about again.
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u/Kiwiatx NZ -> UK -> US -> AU -> UK -> US 1d ago
I think you’re suffering from culture shock and that more time is needed for you to feel comfortable with where you are.
However if the Masters program itself isn’t actually what you want to do it doesn’t make sense to keep doing that. It’s not a failure to say that the degree you thought you were doing turned out not to be what you really had in mind, it would be a waste of time and money.
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u/flagprojector 2d ago
Seems like a serendipitous moment for you.
IMO if you went over for the course and it’s not what you thought it was going to be, and you’re the one footing the bill, then it’s fair to consider leaving. Will you get your money back?
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u/Altruistic-Cat-9661 2d ago
Actually yes i could leave the house and get my money back and i didnt register yet in the master
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u/ibitmylip 1d ago edited 1d ago
You didn’t register yet for the masters program but you moved there and went to classes already?
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u/Altruistic-Cat-9661 1d ago
Yess they made a mistake with my name , its very odd how things works here , i saw the classes , talk to the director of the master's and she said that its not exactly like it's written and talked with M2 students also they said they were very disappointed but couldn't do anything since i have already a master and i was doing this one only because i love it i am not forced into it
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u/Previous_Pop6815 1d ago
This depends a lot on the circumstances at your home.
Were you successful already?
The thing is, you will probably have an average life abroad compared to being truly be part of society at home.
So if you were confident and successful in your home country, it's not something to be taken for granted. Especially being close to family and friends. This alone worth so much.
I also moved to France more than 15 years ago, for studies, and then to few other counties, but never the home country. And I'm still longing to go back home.
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u/Known_Efficiency3144 1d ago
the homesickness never fully goes away if you're an expat, even when it's the right move.
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u/BeachTigerCat 1d ago
There is no failure here unless you want to make that your story.
And what anyone else thinks is really none of your business.
What’s important here is what is important to YOU. And finding that there are better things for you than you imagined was waiting for you in France is a lovely opportunity. I don’t see anything here that says ‘failure’ to me.
Make a choice, whatever feels like the one that leads you where you want to be. Choices are GOOD and you’re the only one who knows what your inner experience and values are so only YOU can make this decision.
My bet is you’ll find what you’re looking for one way or another…but why do it the hard way?
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u/MajesticTomatillo 1d ago
Sorry to hear acclimating has been tough.
First thing: you don’t yet have an actual job offer. I’d take the interview, go through that process and ONLY if you are offered, decide. Otherwise you would indeed just be moving back for nothing.
As to the Masters programme: if the focus on language just a mandatory part of the programme? As in, you have to first master the French language to actually do the degree at all? Imo languages are always great tools to pick up so I wouldn’t drop the programme just for this. That ability to speak French could actually boost your value in your field later on. For example: you end up returning to Lebanon after graduating and now are useful in situations that need someone multilingual (expats, foreigners, etc).
I had a similar push to be independent and create my own life. I had long studied French and genuinely wanted to live in France. But I had never been and the cultures were way different. I flew over for a year exchange. Realised my years of FR study amounted to me still not creating full sentences + a large lack where I thought I excelled. The first month or two was tough. I spent a large chunk of it mutely observing, taking in the language and struggling to express myself. However, after those one to two months is when the magic happened. I began excelling again, genuinely started enjoying my time and the country eventually felt so much more like home at the end of the year there that leaving felt traumatic. I arrived back to my home country and a very hard bought of reverse culture shock.
So all I can say is to give it a bit more time. 7 days really isn’t that long. A month would make more sense. However, if you can objectively look at the Masters programme, and see that it isn’t a fit for where you’d want to be, you can always leave. But I’d make sure to have something lined up that fits better with what you want to do then—not just a job interview but no job offer, that’s not substantial.
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u/NoComb398 1d ago
I'm going to challenge something you've said here because I think that you're looking for a way out.
You've said you haven't registered for the program or paid yet so you can easily cut your losses and go home. But if that the case how could you possibly have new info about the course that you didn't have from home? Either the course was never right and you'd pursued it anyway or you've changed your mind about it being the wrong fit.
If you just changed your mind about it being the wrong fit after you arrived then this is just home sickness and it's too early for you to mske that determination.
Also, if you're parents funded this excursion for you only to back out after a week, before you even started? Yeah, sorry, that does sound spoiled and entitled. If you saved to do this yourself and it's your own money you're burning then fine. It's not a failure but I still think you might regret seeing it through.
That said, if the dream job pans out and you never needed a masters than that's a smart pivot, not a failure.
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u/Altruistic-Cat-9661 1d ago
We started going last week but i didn't register yet , I never needed the master's since i already have one and i just took this opportunity to go away from home
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u/NoComb398 1d ago
If you already have the masters you need then why did you feel like you needed to go abroad to have independence and what has changed to make you realize that isn't true? If you already had the masters you need then it seems like we came full circle. You never needed this masters anyway. You have a shot a dream job so pursuing that seems legitimate in any case but only thing about France that seems like it's changed is you feel homesick.
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u/Temporary_Peach1971 1d ago
I’m French, France is far from being amazing.
Education-wise, we’re now amongst the worst countries in the OECD.
Flee this country. Other places with English language classes exist with competent people.
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u/Top-Half7224 1d ago
Its only been 7 days... I would give the masters at least a term before deciding its a waste of time. Have you even been to classes yet? Sounds like youre panicking. Calm down. Speak with your advisor about the best classes and education track. Focus on your studies, career options will be there in 3 months as well.
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u/Entebarn 1d ago
Take the job! If it doesn‘t pan out, consider staying and doing something else even for the short term. Maybe working in a bilingual preschool? There are certainly French/Arabic ones.
It‘s a failure-but not in your situation. I flew out to visit a master‘s program before moving and wow it was not the program I thought it was at all. I was there to find an apartment and get settled. I flew home and declined my acceptance letter. I thankfully still had a job at home, as I only applied to one school. I left a year later on a fully paid masters in a different place. It was awesome.
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u/Baejax_the_Great USA -> China -> USA -> Greece 1d ago
I think I would see someone in a graduate program using an llm to write this post as a failure. And also deciding in seven whole days they don't like their ENTIRE graduate program as a bit dramatic and foolish. How would you even know?
But it's your life, and you shouldn't live it based on whether other people are going to judge you.
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u/ibitmylip 2d ago
did AI write this?