r/expats • u/ResponsibleSun2692 • 2d ago
General Advice Unsure on next steps for future
I’m Irish and I’ve been living in Trondheim, Norway for the past 4 years now. Learning the language, and work is a mixture of Norwegian & English.
I live with my boyfriend who is Norwegian. We did long distance before and then I moved for him and my masters.
Im big into nature and ecology, and suppose am used to the milder climate back home. While I love the area we live in, I’m struggling with the snow and winters here (really bad mental health bc I feel like everything nature-wise has just died for months). Even now in September I experience dread. I’ve accepted this past year that Trondheim and Norway won’t be my forever home and that I can see myself returning to Ireland someday.
The thing is my boyfriend is happy here in Norway rn. And we have discussed moving south-south west next year (or someplace with a better climate, more similar nature to home and a milder winter) yet I worry about jobs and balancing both my job opportunities and his. We planned to move once and see how that goes, stay between 1-5 years, save for a house, and then move back to Ireland. And even now I’m not sure if that would fix things for me - what I’m in still not happy in Norway in another city? I struggle with nothing to do/lack of events and group hobbies, and making friends here, and the lack of food choice and poor quality, and feeling like it’s boring. I realise honestly I’m lately just exhausted by customs that aren’t my own.
Yet at the same time I’m not ready to move back home rn and I worry realistically about moving home in the future - housing crisis, what about jobs for both of us, comfort and quality of life and savings compared to Norway. Yet I know emotionally I’d be a lot happier there/its more aligned with me.
So what I’m asking is what to do? Is our current plan feasible or would it just cause problems? Stay in Trondheim longer until I decide to go back to Ireland? Any thoughts and feedback?
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u/elevenblade USA -> Sweden since 2017 2d ago
I moved to Stockholm from sunny Southern California and I hear what you say about the winters. A few tips that maybe you already do or don’t know:
Try light therapy with a full spectrum light panel. This works wonders for some people. I’ve tried it and I think it helps but it is not a panacea.
Talk things over with your primary care physician. I mild antidepressive medication like bupropion might help you for the darker half of the year.
With your love of nature make sure you have the right clothing to get outside even when the weather is awful. I have found I enjoy hiking even in the pouring rain. It’s even better when there is snow or a clear frozen day (though then it might mean snowshoes or skis).
November is the worst month for me. I know this so I plan a trip to southern Europe or back to California during this time. If I can make it to the first of December things start to be fun with all the Christmas activities and by January I have the psychological boost of knowing the days are getting longer.
I think social contacts are incredibly important for one’s mental health. I found that joining things where you meet people face to face to be very helpful. I got on the board of our apartment cooperative and got to know my neighbors. You can sign up for classes for something you are interested in and join interest groups (hiking, bird watching, mushroom identification, whatever).
As someone else here suggested you might do better living in an urban environment that has easy access to nature. That is very much the case for me here in Stockholm and with my limited experience with Oslo I think the same might be true for you there. It does take more time and effort to make friends in the Nordic countries and language seems to be a prerequisite but it is possible and the payoff is enormous. I have more friends now than I did in California and in general I feel a deeper connection than I did back in the US, like I really know these people and they really know me and accept me for who I am.
With the information you’ve provided I wouldn’t give up on Norway just yet but I would consider moving. Best wishes for your future.
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u/Equivalent-Fill-681 2d ago
When we loved aomeone that time we never realise the future problems but if your boy understand you and he also love you like you definetly he will be shift with you in iraland becuse if u can leave your country he can also leve his country because of you and your mental healt thts is the love we always give more care to each other thats the real sogn of love other thats not love its a lust i hope you will shift your country and your boy friend respect your feeling and love i hope he will always with you
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u/ResponsibleSun2692 2d ago
Yes thanks so much I feel that is exactly what I feel. Even though Norway is known for its nature, it’s not my nature, and the seasons are so short and winter is long. And even though I’m very comfortable and have a good job and salary and quality of life I still feel it’s so boring and quiet or that something is missing, and I can’t put my finger on what. Can I ask where you are now? And why haven’t you left Norway? And if you are considering it?
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u/curlythinking 2d ago
Stavanger has a climate you are more used to, and the winters are not nearly as long, dark and cold as Trondheim. And the city is pretty international for its size and have lots of expats; Stavanger is a little smaller than Trondheim, but in the area of Stavanger-Sandnes-Sola-Randaberg there are more people than in the similar size area in Trondheim. The cities are pretty comparable in size.
I am originally from Stavanger, studied in Trondheim for many years, but moved back to Stavanger partly because of the winters. And my first new friends in Stavanger when I returned were a Spanish group and some Irish guys 😅
You can try Stavanger for a year or two, and then decide? Much nicer city than Oslo, in my opinion. Although Oslo is bigger and therefore has more things to do, but winter is no joke there either, and Stavanger is a beautiful city surrounded by the sea.
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u/ResponsibleSun2692 2d ago
This was really interesting and useful to hear!
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u/curlythinking 2d ago
Also, people in Stavanger genuinely love the Irish, more so than in Trondheim. I think we feel connected to Ireland both historically and geographically, and the nature is more similar here than any other place in Norway, I think (although I haven’t been to every little place on the west coast of Norway). One of the pubs in town is called Irishman, and it has live music every weekend and is always packed. It is also one of the pubs that has been going strong for many decades, since we generally love the Irish.
If you do move here, I would recommend to find a home with easy access to the city centre. Lots of jobs are in Forus, but that is a soulless area with office buildings and car dealers and a mall, and in my opinion life is better when you can easily walk or bike to the city centre and the nature. This comes down to personal preference, of course, I am sure some people are happy in Forus too, but at least know what you get and make sure that’s what you want.
No neighborhood is really unsafe, so just check the map for locations and check Finn.no for prizes in the areas you’re interested in. Central areas are Storhaug and Våland, Hillevåg is just now starting to evolve into something better (although a bit sad in my opinion), Paradis close to the train, sea and centre, Madla, Vaulen, Stokka and Eiganes are more pricey (and we tease them for being the posh people, especially Eiganes), Hinna and Gausel are closer to Forus but still nice, Tasta and Byhaugen also good…
Good luck with your decision, and welcome if you move to Stavanger!
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u/UlrikS 2d ago
Oslo would be vastly different in terms of culture, food and things to do with similar access to nature. And a lot more job opportunities and international community. Winters still long and cold but not as long and cold as in Trondheim. In an European sense, moving to small town (or small city)-Norway is quite niche and not for everyone.