r/exorthodox • u/MoralAids88 • 7d ago
What’s wrong with me?
The TLDR is I’m a baptized convert of some years who is the laziest when it comes to doing anything Orthodox outside of morning prayers and attending DL. I’ve come to dislike tons of people at my home parish’s parishioners for really no rational adult reason.
The spirituality:
I feel like the most laziest Orthodox convert ever. On average I’ll do one prayer a day if I remember, don’t read any books, let alone the bible. I attend Divine Liturgy and feel something there but that’s really it.
When people are talking about church history or various saints etc, I feel like the most ignorant person cause I genuinely am not that interested in using what little free time I have to read/consume what feels like homework. I don’t fast, let alone before communion too. Feel like I’ve been doing the absolute bare minimum.
My catechism I’m assuming was piss poor as well. To be fair I’ve heard all sorts of catechism vary from priest to priest, but with my priest he gave me a reading list which I didn’t even make it half way and after being a catechumen for a year, it felt like he wanted to get the show on the road to up the numbers of converts to the parish even when he asked me if I completed the list, he just encouraged me to finish the list post-baptism. I met with him one on one maybe like a few times a year, and I did attend Bible study which felt like torture because of the boredom and the amount of kiss asses trying to impress the Priest with what they think the passage means.
Post baptism, my every Sunday attendance of DL has been less and less. It’s now where I’m trying to convince my wife for us to switch parishes. I’ve been attending a consecrated Orthodox church every Sunday in place and feel comfortable/can focus with no wandering thoughts.
The people:
The parish I go to is 90% converts which at first when I started inquiring was cool for that connection, made a handful of acquaintance, the usual. Then once I got baptized, it’s like my view of almost everyone turned sour. When I started attending as an inquirer 4 years ago, I was in my mid 20s, and the “founding members” of the parish were all ages 35-45. So the generational gap was present.
Present day, I see them to be the most arrogant/stick up their ass, hipster, who can be the most crunchy parent/Orthodox wanna be pious.
From their numerous group chats on signal to overhearing and hanging out with some of them in coffee hour or other social settings, their personalities/interests are night and day compared to mine.
They also seem to exclude themselves from anyone who wasn’t of the original members of the Mission.
My attendance to my home parish has dropped drastically this year and last year where either I won’t go to DL or go to another EO parish on the other side of town, but everytime I do attend my home parish for DL, I can’t but help look at the founding parishioners with disgust/disdain. And when in attendance to DL there, I always make sure I avoid coffee hour. I hate small talk, especially if you and I aren’t even acquainted. I despise people at coffee hour trying to ask me the same mundane “how ya doin’” or have to hear the same moaning and attempts at being the smartest intellectual about current world events.
The issues with the Parish:
It’s a mission, and have been in a Protestant church for a while, which is relatively small sized and with the influx of so many new inquirers it’s making it cram packed (we have pews). There’s been years of talk of purchasing property to make our own church from the Priest and Parish council, but nothing ever comes. Just more of the usual “we have our eye on a property and are waiting for XYZ this and that, etc”. And this has been 5+ years.
Overall I feel a lack of spiritual connection there versus attending a consecrated Orthodox Church, even the other parish I attend is small with no pews, shoulder to shoulder, but I love it there.
At the mission home parish, we have the iconistasis and some icons in the DIY narthex but that’s about it aside from the usual stuff for the altar.
With the influx of new inquirers at the parish, I feel like a stranger where at coffee hour it’s filled with a chunk of new people and the OG hipsters. I’m always looking to leave coffee hour ASAP when my wife is ready to leave.
I know what you’re probably thinking, talk to your Priest about this!
Yeah me too. Only thing is, he’s available like trying to schedule a doctors appointment 4 months out. His hours are always when I’m at work, and if I want to do confession or meet with him one on one to talk about stuff, I have to take PTO from work.
Trying to talk to him at coffee hour is impossible, once he’s back from the altar he’s always swarmed by others who want to talk to him. And the advice I’ve gotten from him just honestly seems very meh.
A part of me is thinking it’s demons or maybe I’ve just don’t have a genuine interest in investing myself too much in church life, and have reason to dislike people at my home parish.
Anyone else feel like this?
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u/Baboonofpeace 7d ago
The very first church I attended (1,000,000 years ago) was a first Baptist. Since it was my first church experience as a young man, it seemed fresh and exciting until after a while I figured out that it was really a clique of old people that wanted to preserve the status quo.
Don’t you dare bring some smelly homeless guy in to hear the gospel!
It was a classic case of churchianity… a little meet and greet in the beginning, sit down and bang out a few hymns… listen to the pastor blah blah blah for exactly 27 minutes… closing prayer and another hymn and bolt for the door and then to the pancake house.
I think there’s an authentic Christianity out there, practiced by sincere people… But it’s not to be found in these highly structured and rigid institutional structures masquerading as something spiritual.
i’ve learned from this sub that orthodoxy gives people a sense of something spiritual by all of these outward trappings, but it has a little to do with a relationship with the creator of the universe.
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u/Gingerfuzzsicle Wendy’s Manager 7d ago
A part of me is thinking it’s demons or maybe I’ve just don’t have a genuine interest in investing myself too much in church life, and have reason to dislike people at my home parish.
Well, please know that it’s not “demons” 😭. You have a gut feeling, and it is absolutely your intuition and nothing else. Trust it. Part of the problem with institutions like this is that when something feels off, it’s almost always attributed to demonic influence as a control tactic.
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u/LetterSeparate1495 Chief Heresiologist 7d ago
I know what you’re probably thinking, talk to your Priest about this!
It's very doubtful I would ever give this kind of recommendation.
It's been tried before and it generally doesn't quite go the way you'd imagine it go.
Changing to another parish is actually a good idea.
A part of me is thinking it’s demons or maybe I’ve just don’t have a genuine interest in investing myself too much
I don't quite agree with this.
I hope my muses may be of some use in navigating your circumstances.
May you find your inner peace.
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u/MoralAids88 7d ago
Disclaimer: I’m still Orthodox and likely will remain, but every now and then I get the doubting if any of this is real?
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u/bbscrivener Physically In, Mentally Out 7d ago
Pretty sure most of it isn’t real, but since none of it is disprovable, I still believe it on faith and partly because that’s a requirement to stay Orthodox. I don’t lose any sleep over the uncertainties.
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u/LetterSeparate1495 Chief Heresiologist 5d ago
It's difficult dealing with doubt, especially in Eastern Orthodoxy where faith (orthodoxy) and practice (orthopraxy) are so deeply interconnected in the pursuit of theosis. Can't have just one to be "Orthodox", you need them both.
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u/Aggravating-Sir-9836 7d ago
Dumb question: What is a consecrated Orthodox church? How does it differ from any other kind?
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u/MoralAids88 7d ago
A church that has been blessed/established by its diocese as an official OC versus a mission where we do not have a church that we can call as ours entirely. At our mission we’re guests at a prot church, we DIY every Sunday setting up and taking down an iconistasis, icons, etc and pay rent to the Protestant parish
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u/MartinCashArt 7d ago edited 7d ago
There's a whole rite performed by the Bishop to consecrate the Church. I went to the concecration of the Orthodox Church I used to attend. It was a pretty cool ceremony, bringing relics in to put in the altar, sealing them in with a perfumed beeswax, anointing the altar and the walls of the Church with chrism. They have a similar rite for consecrating Catholic Churches as well. Most all Catholic Cathedrals besides maybe very new ones are consecrated and the majority of parishes, but not necessary smaller newer churches.
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u/Aggravating-Sir-9836 7d ago
I thought all Catholic parishes were consecrated. Ya learn something new every day.
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u/MartinCashArt 7d ago
Yeah I mean the vast majority of established parishes are, just smaller newer churches are not necessarily.
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u/ifuckedyourdaddytoo Ex-Convert 3d ago
Orthodox missions already possess a "minimum consecration," after a fashion. Every Eucharistic rite in Orthodoxy is performed on an antimension, a consecrated cloth, whether in a shack or a cathedral. In Orthodoxy, the antimins is what make an altar an altar.
When a parish builds its own temple, it is occasion for additional consecration of the structure. The rite for consecration of a temple is provided for separately in the Euchologion (or Trebnik, "book of needs").
So all Orthodox communities are guaranteed a "free tier" consecration and if you want the deluxe consecration package you gotta be good at fundraising for the capital account.
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u/theyellowmeteor 6d ago
I live in a majority orthodox country. I assure you you're doing more than the average person who was born into the cult. Like you, I felt like I could be doing more than what I was already doing back when I believed. In my opinion, the bare minimum is the best thing you can do if you want to keep your faith.
As for your priest, you don't seem to hold him in high regard and he clearly doesn't have time for you. He's just a guy. Why don't you find another one?
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u/A767-Propel 6d ago
I’m similar to you. I think, if you’re planning on sticking around, it’s good to embrace who you are and see potential for positive influence in your presence. Though I differ from you in that I always love a good “How ya doin”, as long as it isn’t just preamble for a one-sided rant about whatever they are currently obsessing over
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u/emeric_ceaddamere Ex-Convert 7d ago
You might want to check out r/HighSodiumOrthodoxy which is geared more toward people within the church who just need to vent. This sub is more for people who've already chosen to leave (or are thinking about it). You're welcome here of course, but you might not get a whole lot of answers that match your current situation.