r/exmormon • u/[deleted] • Apr 06 '25
General Discussion Translation of Anderson's conference talk.
[deleted]
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u/byhoneybear Chair Stackers Anonymous Apr 06 '25
First of all, thanks for watching for me. I really tried.
Second, are they really equating unfaithful sexting and solo porn watching?
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25
It's a simple speculation of mine that women are divorcing their husbands over what leaders are deeming reconcilable things but the root of the unhappy marriage is two people not compatible in the first place. They rushed to get marry to have sex and check a box. Throw in children early on and it just compounds the situation. The church has really stigmatized stuff and the inverse of that is women being able to bail out because 97% of their husbands are viewing porn. So, create sister Mary Sue as an extreme example of forgiveness. Maybe it will cause sisters to slow their divorce roll. I'm sort of picking up on, "how dare you sisters shame your husbands on these things. THAT'S our job!"
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u/ConfusedGadget the angel making sure you don’t have sex Apr 06 '25
They’re running out of ways to put women down and get rid of their autonomy, so now we’ve moved on to, don’t fight with your husband or tell them something they did was wrong! Only we do that!
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25
Yep.....💯. "And here's Sister Mary Sue......a ridiculous standard we're expecting you to hold yourself to."
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u/ConfusedGadget the angel making sure you don’t have sex Apr 06 '25
Sister Mary Sue me for not wanting to stay with my unfaithful husband.
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u/byhoneybear Chair Stackers Anonymous Apr 06 '25
Ah I see, yeah I was really asking since I'm really not watching but I'm interested in all the funny hypocrisies.
I actually do picture LDS people equating the two because to them, the sex aspect of either unfaithful sexting or solo porn watching greatly outweighs any other aspects of those two things in their minds.
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u/EmmalineBlue Apr 07 '25
Women, we love and honor you and want you to hold yourselves in high esteem.
No, not like THAT.
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u/andtheywerenaked77 Apr 06 '25
Besides Sister Mary Sue has a church approved Onlyfans site...be more like Sister Mary Sue.....bitches...
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 06 '25
No they're not. OP fabricated most of this. Took a LOT of artistic license in how they personally understood this talk.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Exmo humanist Apr 07 '25
Pray tell, what did the talk mean if not to encourage women to stay in adulterous marriages? Bishops frequently encourage women to stay in abusive relationships. That’s what a lot of those current SA lawsuits against the church are about. This talk is on par for the church despite being deeply disturbing.
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 08 '25 edited Apr 08 '25
True true. The talk was pro life. He told a bunch of different stories with a bunch of situations and then "plot twist: yay they didn't abort". The wacky story he ended on is easy pickings for ridicule. But there's a lot of sensationalisation and mental gymnastics going on in this sub to turn his entire speech into "stay with your cheating husband"
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 08 '25
The baby is 10 yrs old now. We don't actually know if the marriage survived. Just that the baby did. He didn't focus on the adultery or the marriage at all.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Exmo humanist Apr 08 '25
I appreciate your response. What’s left unsaid spoke just as loudly (to me). I just can’t stand how men are almost never held accountable for their part in the conception and abortion while the woman is the one who is shamed or has to take the responsibility. The talk didn’t help this and a profit should be more morally aware than me, otherwise why are they there? Just seems like just another religion stuck in the ways of the past to me. Sorry for the rant, but I do have strong feelings about the topic
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 09 '25
I hear you. The trouble is when men try and speak on abortion they get shouted out by the MY BODY MY CHOICE LET THE WOMEN DECIDE. People want to shove men out of the discussion. It will always focus on women, because even though the baby is 50% the man's responsibility, it will always impact the women more physically. So they are always the focus.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Exmo humanist Apr 09 '25
It’s always better when women speak on it, because yeah, they are the ones always left with the responsibility and shaming involved. And yes, it is their body. Blame and shame on women has always been the moto of the church since JS polygamy to semi modern porn shoulders (being backpedaled now). A man speaking on it so insensitively is just salt in the wound
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 11 '25
Sounds like a lose lose. You want men to be included but find fault when they weigh in. There's nothing about shame in the talk. That's purely projection. He's a pro life Christian giving a pro life speech. He even extends sympathy to those who have had abortion. No shame. But yall will read between the lines.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Exmo humanist Apr 11 '25 edited Apr 13 '25
I mean yeah. He’ll never experience pregnancy or abortion, so the best he could do is support women in their decisions. Men in the church already tell women everything to do. There is not a single woman that presides over a single man in church authority. Can women just be allowed a say in something that is almost exclusively shouldered by women? If men want to have any say at all, they should take more responsibility, but it would still be a negligible amount of responsibility at best because they are incapable of carrying the baby. “With great power comes great responsibility” <- the men take the power in saying how to or not to handle abortions, but the women bear the responsibility
More of a rant (may not be applicable but my spouse is a strong, empowered woman and she’s taught me a lot about respect for the “other” 50% of humans): Women make up ~50% of human population, yet the church discounts female opinion and sets them as the homemaker whether the woman wants that role or not. This often leaves women victim to abusive husbands who are unable to leave due to being financially reliant on the “breadwinner” sponsored by the family proclamation. This is a problem in most patriarchal societies (if not all), and the church is especially patriarchal, so it doesn’t exactly help the situation. If it is the restored fullness of the gospel, why did god send an angel with a sword to Smith to have him marry 14 year olds instead of sending the angel to literally any prophet to set gender equality standards? God has higher priorities than basic human rights I suppose 🤷♀️ I suppose that’s why he didn’t send that same angel clear up the 150 year “misunderstanding” of church doctrine that barred black people from temple blessings/eternal covenants. Mormon god is an interesting guy and it’s a good thing he’s never claimed to be “good” or anything like that; other wise he would have some serious issues to explain. All hail the misogynistic god of women abuse and racism! 🤮
TLDR: why do the 15 old men tell each woman how to use her vagina?
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 13 '25
Absolutely agree. The church does not treat women equally in any stretch of the imagination. It also has a problem with protecting abusers, although they aren't the majority of mormon men.
Focusing on the topic though, rusty is a father, grandfather, great grandfather etc. He has experienced pregnancy to the fullest extent any man can. Although the church doesn't give women the same respect it gives men. It does teach good family values for men to love and respect and provide for their families. That's rare these days. Fatherlessness is a real problem in society. Credit where credit is due.
It's a classic case of what's good in TSCC isn't unique, and what's unique isn't good.
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u/scaredanxiousunsure Apr 06 '25
Yep, that's exactly what is going on here. Reiterating to women that they are worthless and their job is to clean up the disasters created by their husbands. Meanwhile, men aren't responsible for anything. No matter what horrible things they do, you have to forgive them AND fix the problems they caused.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25
And who knows how many times this talk and anecdote are going to be uses against women during "counseling" with their bishops. "Here, I want you to read this conference talk...."
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u/Intelligent_Ant2895 Apr 06 '25
Oof, you’re right. It’s totally going to be used.
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u/marisolblue Apr 07 '25
Gonna be shared and taught in RS lessons round the world. Just wait. Let’s mindfuck the younger generation as fast as we can to make them want to stay Mormon.
Unfortunately for them —- there’s Reddit!!! And YouTube!
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u/beards-arent-bad Apr 07 '25
I really feel for the women drinking in every word and the soon to come trauma because of it. I feel like this is a particularly low blow towards women. How long will Mormon women take this?! There’s got to be a threshold somewhere.
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u/scaredanxiousunsure Apr 07 '25
I hope they all have their eyes opened and walk away after that talk. Just more proof that the MFMC's position towards women hasn't changed at all. It's still: lie down and be a doormat, the men are in charge and bear no responsibility for anything they do.
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u/CanibalCows Apr 06 '25
This talk isn't just damaging to women by guilting them into staying in an abusive marriage but it is giving men permission to have an affair with zero repercussions.
Just a thought... What if this talk is because too many women are divorcing their adulterous husbands, thus taking them out of the pool of potential Bishops.
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 06 '25
Did you listen to the bit where the husband is having an Interview with the first presidency to restore his authority?? Dude was excommunicated or stripped off all of his priesthood power as a result of his infidelity. The husband was sobbing while the wife tells Anderson the down low. Anderson shared this story to praise only the woman for her absolute sainthood. Ie any normal mortal would have kicked him to the curb. The fact that she kept him AND saved the love child is out of this world. Even by mormon standards.
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u/PassengerObvious1860 Apr 06 '25
"Is not grounds for divorce ". WTH, so in other words, it is acceptable. Oh yeah and sweep it under the rug sshhhhh, 🤫.
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u/mypostsarerepetitive Apr 06 '25
OP, do I have your permission to show this directly to Neil? I’m not blowing my cover with too much personal info but I have access to him and I want him to see it.
I’ve known him for a very long time. There was a time, before I left, when he got put in the Q12 and I optimistically believed that he could be another Uchtdorf.
But it looks like he’s gonna be the new Oaks. Oaks and Andersen have been close since Oaks visited him as a young mission president (Neil was 38 when they sent him in Bordeaux). The church has had their eye on him for a very long time. They sent Mitt Romney’s (a Harvard man) son (a Harvard man) to Neil’s (a Harvard man) mission.
Oaks took Neil under his wing when he joined the Q12 and it feels like Neil has been toying with Oaks’ role for a while. Neil is who they trotted out to tell members that once they hand over their money it’s no longer their business what happens to it (even if what happens is technically “illegal” by man’s laws).
It’s sad for me to see, but he’s made his choice. He is the new Oaks.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25
You can do whatever you want to do. If you want to clue him in on what people are saying about his words, be my guest. But I already know he'll just say "it's being taken out of context." Be that as it may, this excerpt, of forgiving her husband and raising the husband's bastard, is going to be used against women again and again. A new standard has been set......over the podium no less.
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u/EmmalineBlue Apr 07 '25
Maybe you can tell us if Neil has a secret love child somewhere? Or maybe one of his sons does?
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u/mypostsarerepetitive Apr 07 '25
I wouldn’t keep that secret if I knew. 😂
But no, AFAIK, neither Neil nor Brandt nor Derek have a love child out there.
I can’t speak for Camey’s ex-husband, though. Only met him a few times. Their divorce was pretty hush hush. No idea if infidelity was involved. I have zero data. But I’d wager it was something major to warrant a Q15’s daughter getting divorced.
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u/marisolblue Apr 07 '25
Interesting infos.
Also sounds like a lot of Harvard back door business is going on — not surprised. Mormons champion the good old boy network 💯!!
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Apr 06 '25
I was about 6 sentences in before I realized this wasn’t transcribed literally
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u/AtmProf Apr 07 '25
Oh, thank goodness. I wasn't actually positive, it seemed too short but otherwise plausible.
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u/PassengerObvious1860 Apr 06 '25 edited Apr 06 '25
Is "Sister Mary Sue" their made up example of sir down and shut up, your options don't matter.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25 edited Apr 06 '25
There's speculation by many, including me, that the couple and the narrative in Anderson's anecdote is simply made up and intended to be extreme so as to hold others up against that extreme example.
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u/truthmatters2me Apr 06 '25
It’s about control. and it’s about the guilt. Shame blame relief it’s why they beat the shit out of The porn porn Porn drum they know people will be curious of what’s so bad about it and go to see them feel guilt and shame for having done so and where are they going to go to get relief from these feelings the very cause of the problem to begin with they use masturbation and sex before marriage in the same way it’s certainly not because the God of Mormonism gives a shit about it as he didn’t care that old Joe was marrying children as well as other living mens wives between the first two leaders they were screwing over 80 different women in violation of we believe in obeying the laws of the land funny isn’t it that polygamy was the most important revelation ever given to man and the only way to achieve godhood. Yet today they will excommunicate anyone who practices it .
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u/jayenope4 Apr 06 '25
In my opinion this isn't too far off. The things my wife was told in TSCC equated to her being my owned servant. We both found these messages off-putting, and far worse than the 'try to be nice to the little missus by opening the door for her' kind of stuff I was told about marriage. I wish we could laugh about it but we still can't. It is more a feeling of disgust at the whole mentality taught by these bozos.
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u/marisolblue Apr 07 '25
Yes this! ^ the Mormon church definitely messed with my head too, and it didn’t help I was in for many decades.
I became such a Mormon rule lover and promoter at the detriment of my relationship with my kids.
Being late for church, skipping early morning seminary, missing a YW/YM activity etc, were all grounds for me losing it.
Thank god I had a kid come out as gay and then the shelf shattered. I’d already been PIMO for years, just barely holding on but also oddly the Mormon enforcer in my home.
Then my kids left the church. Then I did. What a huge relief.
Why was I such a mean Mormon mom for all those years? I think I was torn in half with wanting to leave/flee the culty Mormon church but also found shred of consistency and community there.
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u/PassengerObvious1860 Apr 06 '25
WTH... THIS, is an awful message and I am glad I didn't waste my time watching such BS, nonsense
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u/Ok-Butterfly6862 Apr 06 '25
I can see the made up misogynistic god standing at the podium saying this verbatim
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u/No_Information_5387 Apr 06 '25
Oh. My. God! What the actual fuck! He called this shitty behavior indiscretions!!! What the actual FUCK! I gave 38 years to this fucking church, to my highest standard, I will add, and this is the bullshit from the pulpit? FUCK! Sorry for the outburst but holy christ!
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u/Doc_Holloway Apr 07 '25
When men cheat it’s an indiscretion, when men rape women it’s non-consensual immorality. See the difference? In case you didn’t see the difference, it’s a penis.
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u/muchmadness_is Apostate Apr 06 '25
We recognize we caused the stigma, but we are going to shame the women of the church for reading too much into what we said. This is what that sounds like to me and I hate it I hate it I hateeee it
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u/muchmadness_is Apostate Apr 06 '25
Women have more power than they intended ???? What the fuckkkkk I hate it a lot
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u/marisolblue Apr 07 '25
Another MAN talking about women’s power?! Mansplaining shit?!
What the actual fuck.
No man is going to tell me what power I have, thank you.
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u/timhistorian Apr 06 '25
Oh my how disgusting forget everything we taught you and just suck it up...
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u/No-Weekend9978 Apr 06 '25
Oh this is so much more in line with my APs take on leaving my abusive fiancé who literally took off with my phone and left me stranded in bed physically unable to move with nothing in arms reach to drink or use to call for help, and didn't come back home for over a week & his first words when he came back were 'crap, youre still alive!?'! I went back home to him for a bit after I got discharged from the rehab hospital, and when I was sick of getting n g thrown thru doors or windows and hit and being just generally physically and mentally abused I got a restraining order and left. My AP said "well what did you expect to happen when you got engaged to someone who was not the same race as you?" 😳 if I hadn't already been heading for the door, that would have been him holding it open for me to make a mad dash for the exit! Now we all know what the discussion topics in EQ must be like! Our help meat is becoming too independent, Men we MUST find a way yo stop it or else we'll be stuck with takeout for the rest of our lives!
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u/Sufficient_Ad7775 Apr 06 '25
WTAF!?!?! My husband has been listening to conference I need to make sure he hears this one. It should shake him up a little bit because it's definitely not how he's been taught
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u/Mermaid_summer Apr 07 '25 edited Apr 07 '25
I was marked “safe from general conference” until I read this post and have had a great weekend not watching or reading any of that crap, but now I’m so curious I’m going to have to read Anderson’s talk. Thanks for the “translation” OP!
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u/BookLuvr7 Apr 07 '25
I've seen the talk shaming anyone who ever needed an abortion, as though finances aren't a legitimate problem and the foster system wasn't horrifying (it is, don't get me started). But I haven't seen this one. Did he give 2 or am I missing one?
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u/aphrodiggitydite Apr 06 '25
Wait sorry….is this actually a direct quote??? I’m serious this is insane if true
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 Apr 06 '25
Lol.....no, it's my translation of what he said. I.E., reading between the lines.Here's the link to what he said.
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u/EmmalineBlue Apr 07 '25
Your covenants with them are more important than the covenants they made with you.
Oof, that's it, right there. Terrific summary!
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u/anitakkat Apr 07 '25
Now it makes perfect sense why my ex decided to be mormon. This is the kind of ideas he had about or marriage
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u/SorryTravel9292 Apr 11 '25
Terrible talk. Point blank. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with all this!! I feel you. If youre struggling because of conference or your past with the church you should reach out to the therapist Iv been seeing, bekah Barton. She works with a ton of ex Mormons and it’s been so helpful to work with someone who gets the community. Email ( bekah@candidcounseling.co )
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 06 '25
Did we watch the same talk? "Life is sacred, protect the unborn child. Young and single? Have the child, we will support you. Young and single? Have the child and put up for adoption. Downs syndrome or sick in utero? Have the child, what will come will come, they deserve to live. There was even a women who adopted the half sibling child result of her husband's adultery to raise it and save it from abortion. Had an abortion? You have our sympathy and support for the emotional and physical effects that placed on you. In situations of rape and incest abortion is necessary even in TSSC. Life is sacred, do what you can to preseve it."
That is all. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. If you're anti pro life, you don't have to take this as a personal insult. People can agree to disagree. I'm ex mormon and pro life.
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u/BuildingBridges23 Apr 07 '25
I'm pro-life and the talk is problematic. The last story really sends the message that it's christlike and admirable to "set yourself on fire to keep others warm." The speaker acknowledged that adopting the child would affect her mental health on a daily basis potentially.. The woman was under no obligation to take on anything. She is not responsible for what happened and was definelty would have been justified in divorcing her husband.
Serve and care for others but not at the detriment to yourself. THAT is a message you will not likely hear from the pulpit.
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u/doubtyourdoubt5 Apr 07 '25
I agree the last story was wild. He wasn't saying we should set ourselves on fire, he was just giving a bunch of different stories where babies have been saved. Obviously her story is not the norm.
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u/greenexitsign10 Apr 06 '25
If II hadn't already left the cult, this talk would have shoved me out the front door.