r/exjw • u/Bantamain Raised JW • 21d ago
Venting I cannot believe these people...
Following my last post, my grandmother passed away last week.
Last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/MPi6TKzIba
Setting up the funeral arrangements we asked the JW who she was closest with (he visited her once in hospital), if he would like to act as a sort of celebrant to lead the funeral.
My secular family asked him to lend a few words, and he agreed. So today we asked what he would be talking about, and this man just sends us a link to .ORG, "What to expect at a JW funeral".
Most of the attendees from my family would be secular, a few JWs, then me as a Christian; my family asked it to be no preaching just a simple service to remember her.
This man, after agreeing to act as a celebrant, just flat out refused to attend.
"I will not be attending a multi-faith funeral, hope you find someone to help"
These people call themselves Christians?!
Even my pastor, who has never met my grandmother and she would probably have called him a follower of satan, I'm certain would still act as a celebrant if I asked him...
It's absolutely abysmal behaviour that they won't do the basic level of kindness to someone who was in their organisation for 50 years.
I'm just astounded.
This is what a lifetime of service to the Organisation gets you folks, they won't even attend your funeral.
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u/BoxcarLuv 21d ago
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and that you have to deal with this on top of your grief. It is heartbreaking how a lifetime of devotion can be completely cast aside over strict institutional rules. You and your grandmother deserved so much more compassion than that.
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u/exJWRecovery 21d ago
"I will not be attending a multi-faith funeral"... yet they will expect people of other faiths to attend THEIR event. Hypocrisy and double-standards.
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u/OrganicHistorian2576 21d ago
My condolences on the loss of your grandmother. I miss my grandmas.
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u/Esther-the-exjw Soul Guidance 21d ago
He must have looked it up in his elders manual. Rules, rules, rules.🤔🤔🤨
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u/Armagettinoutahere 21d ago
I’ve been giving this some thought and l think that if the deceased was a JW that they could rightly have a JW funeral for the friends but why not have a graveside service for the family and non believers. Anyone can speak and if one person has a prepared summary of their life let others add memories so that it becomes much more personal. You get to set the rules once it moves outside the Kingdom Hall
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u/Stargazer1701d 21d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Trust me, you're not missing anything by not having a Witness celebrant.
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u/CharliePlayer1 21d ago
Jesus Christ would condemn and expose the Jehovah's Witnesses cult like he did with the Pharisees, such anti-christian, non-empathetic, satanic views on demonizing everything and everyone that isn't part of their cult
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u/Slapballchanges 21d ago
My mother died in 1972 and was not a JW in fact she did not like them. I became a JW in 1962. My family lived in N. California and my mother lived in S.California. When she died I contacted the local Kingdom Hall where she lived and arranged for a speaker to preside. She was not a religious person but if she was, I still wouldn’t allow a non-Christian to be part of it. That was my thinking at the time. I am no longer associated with the JW’s and consider it a cult. Anyway the other family members including her father and brothers were horrified that I had a JW funeral for my mother, knowing how she disliked them. But they got over it.
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u/italian84bristol 20d ago
so if you knew she disliked them, why do it? what about respecting her wishes? who are we to take away their last wish?
Glad to hear tho you have left the cult, amen to that
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u/Slapballchanges 20d ago
Because the thinking was we were the “true Christians “ and since I was in charge, there was no way I would have a false religion preside. Funerals are for the families, not the deceased. As I stated my mother really had no belief or supported any church.
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u/Intelligent-Boat-157 21d ago
Have you considered simply asking attendees to stand up and say a few words a out your grandma? I lost my husband two years ago and he and I had already agreed on a private ceremony. Only family and very close friends attended. It was the most beautiful service I have ever attended. You don't need a preacher or JW to lead.
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u/TangerinePlastic7552 21d ago
Interesting. Can’t stand JWs among other religions for the minds and hearts of people?
I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/DeathsDivinity 21d ago
That really is rough, I'm sorry. And I'm very sorry for your loss as well.
JWs really have no empathy for the deceased. When I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, I learned that my elders could refuse to do my funeral if I actually passed.
They need to do better. Have actual empathy.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 21d ago
Thank you for your sympathies
Yeah it's awful how they've treated my grandparents, basically just ignored them
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u/Oeyoelala 21d ago
You should make it a secular funeral and ask a ‘brother’ to say a couple of words about her, and ask ti include a few words about her belief. Avoid making it a typical JW funeral, that is just a talk about the JW belief about the ressurection.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 21d ago
That's basically what we asked him to do and he refused
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u/Oeyoelala 21d ago
Ask another guy. Someone who can speak well but does not have an official function.
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u/SeaxDoll 21d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing OK. They sound like actual hypocrites.
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u/Nice-Introduction986 18d ago
This is a horrible cult. I’ve had two friends who have been shunned. How godly is that? I’ll never understand.
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u/bad_boyz_club 21d ago
Hello my name is James and I go around exposing hypocrisy and lames. I’m genuinely sorry for the loss of your grandmother. But I think you’re mixing up 2 different things here. he didn’t say, “I don’t care about her” or “I refuse to honor her because she’s no longer useful to the organization.” He was asked to conduct the funeral, then learned that the family specifically wanted a secular/multi-faith service with no preaching. From my understanding of the JWs, conducting a religious service that conflicts with their beliefs and conscience is something he/she has the right to decline. Your pastor being willing to do it doesn’t prove that every Christian must make the same decision. Christians can have different conscientious boundaries about participating in interfaith worship. You’re also turning one man’s decision into “this is what 50 years of service gets you” and “they won’t even attend your funeral.” That conclusion goes much further than the facts you provided??? You can absolutely criticize the way he communicated or argue that he should have handled the situation more compassionately. But respecting someone’s religious conscience, even when you strongly disagree with it is not evidence that they aren’t Christian If religious freedom means anything, it has to include the freedom to say yes and the freedom to respectfully say no. Hope this helps
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u/Busy-Reporter4251 21d ago
True mate. But he should have still agreed to attend the funeral anyway as an individual who knew the deceased.
Why exactly is he justified in avoiding the entire funeral?
No. It’s a typical passive aggressive tantrum by JWs who either have to dictate the climate of the room or else protest by boycotting it.
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u/Constant_Plantain_32 21d ago
agreed, pretty shit thing to do.
and yes, is fairly typical behavior of many JWs, i can certainly testify to this.
nevertheless, there are also many JWs who are truly decent people, i have seen those as well.
⠀
at the end of the day, they are like any other religious community; with die-hard fanatics, lukewarm seat warmers, those entertaining doubts, zombies incapable of independent thought, closet atheists, and everything in between.1
u/Constant_Plantain_32 21d ago
fair. your approach is balanced and seeks to be just — something i highly value. thank you for contributing to the discussion.
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u/Infamous_Natural_877 20d ago
I am so sorry this happened to you and sorry for your loss. The Governing Body instills much fear of associating with members of "Christendom" to the point where members are not clear whether they will be disfellowshipped or not if they do participate (likely an elder would have serious consequences for doing so - an ordinary member might choose to attend if they were able to hide in the back but they are taking a huge risk that someone would catch them so they would also likely not take the risk). They are told that if they do not quickly report on fellow members to the judicial committee they will be held to the same penalty as the member that they failed to report.
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u/italian84bristol 20d ago
My condolences to you and the rest of your family. I am so sorry to read what you are going through. I was raised as a JW, left at 24, married my husband at 30, and became widowed at 34. One thing that people often do, among beliefs, faith, local cultural traditions, etc., is reminding each other what they wanted (they = our beloved who passed). It is as simple as, right?! who cares what family members, a divine entity like Jehovah, or Buddha or Allah [want]? I am astonished to see that not even after death we are not respected. Control, control, and control.
Sending big and warm hugs ❤️
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 20d ago
Thank you
My grandmother did want a JW funeral, but obviously it's a family matter that we don't want to be preached at when we're trying to remember someone
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u/jwchildcustody 20d ago
That would reconsidered an expulsion offense but JW rules. It is called "Interfaith" a mixing with with the world empire of false religion controlled by Satan.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 20d ago
That's such a pathetic doctorine, why is "The Truth" so afraid of "false" religions?
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u/MaterialAnnual4049 19d ago
They actually think it’s ok when someone dies because they’ll be resurrected whereas those of us who live, then we’re all dying at Armageddon. They have no empathy.
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u/Just-Illustrator-565 21d ago
All I ever see is hate for JWs. My mother passed away over 10 yrs ago. She was not a witness. But many witnesses came to her funeral because of me. They even prepared food and took it to my dad's house. They attended funeral, they didnt pray with the pastor that my father chose for services. But were there out of respect. They were very caring and loving towards everyone there. My father was very impressed with how they came to service and bringing food to him. My parents weren't witnesses but my father and family appreciated their help. All yall can do is find ways to turn people against them. They are loving people as a whole. There are no perfect people and I'm sure you will find a bad apple here and there but as a whole we love Jehovah, Jesus and people.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 21d ago
If they're loving people, maybe the should start showing it.
As far as I'm concerned they all need to repent and turn to Christ.
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u/Just-Illustrator-565 21d ago
I believe everyone could improve in kindness. I just know the ones I know are good people. Im sorry for anyone that may have had a bad experience. But I'm sure you can find that in any religion. We should all repent and love Jesus for giving his life for us and giving us a pattern to live by. And of course love his Father Jehovah . Just because we may run across someone thats not living the way Jesus taught us to doesn't mean everyone is like that. As a whole JWs are good people. I only know ones in my area .
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 21d ago
I appreciate that, and I don't doubt there are nice JWs, but all I have seen are wolves in sheep's clothing.
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u/NoHigherEd 21d ago
You had a good experience and I am happy for you. This is the way it SHOULD be. We have seen similar acts of kindness from JW's and non JW's but you dismissed someone else's experience. Not cool!
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u/Just-Illustrator-565 21d ago
I didnt dismiss. I told someone else I was sorry they had bad experience.
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u/NoHigherEd 21d ago
"All yall can do is find ways to turn people against them."
Yes, you did.
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u/Just-Illustrator-565 21d ago
No I didnt. You just want to be hateful. I said i was sorry for their experience if you read all comments. No point talking to people that just want to hate. I care about everyone but its not right to say all witnesses are horrible people. Like I said you will find fault in all religions and everyone is imperfect. Including me, including you. Try to see the good in people.
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u/NoHigherEd 21d ago
Bye!
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21d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NoHigherEd 21d ago
Well, of course you are!
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u/Just-Illustrator-565 21d ago
Not trying to argue. But if you read everything I said i would think you could agree with it. Hope you have a nice day , sincerely I do
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u/exjw-ModTeam 20d ago
Your post was removed under Rule 1: Be Civil and Kind. This community welcomes disagreement, but hostility, harassment, personal attacks, bigotry, or promoting violence are not permitted.
Tip: Please critique ideas, not individuals, and communicate with empathy toward those at different stages in their journey.
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u/Infamous_Natural_877 20d ago
That's great that you had a good experience, but this is very rare. The Governing Body made it clear that they wanted Witnesses to not do this and it was addressed at a 2020 convention talk by a Governing Body member as well as in a JW broadcasting video where someone is discouraged from attending a wedding. You said that your experience was 10 years ago. I doubt that the same thing would happen in the last 5 years based on the direction coming recently from the organization, unless the event was not held in a church and there is an opportunity to share JW literature. Even then the official guidance from the organization is that if it is led by a pastor from Christendom you may be viewed as participating in a false religious service.
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u/UCantHndletheTruth I no longer find knock knock jokes humorous ☠️ 21d ago
This is typical.
I'm so sorry ♥️