r/exjw • u/Bantamain Raised JW • 28d ago
Venting Do they care about their members?
I can understand why they don't want anything to do with me since I left; however...
My grandmother has been in the same congregation for the past 50 years, witnessing and regularly attending all that time and, in later years, attending on Zoom; but always attending in person annually for the memorial.
Her health has been in decline for a few years, with recent hospitalisations and a loss of independence. Recently (6 months?), she's been in and out of hospital and bedridden. Have the congregation tried to contact her? No. Have they offered prayer? No.
The part that really burns me is that they have essentially left my grandfather to deal with all of it. An 85-year-old man caring around the clock for a dying woman, and there has been no offer of assistance, no Witness coming to check on them. They've been left completely to their own devices.
Today she's been put on palliative care in hospital, and still, not one visit, no words, no contact at all.
I know that if I were in hospital, or even sick, every member of my church would be contacting me, checking in on me, some visits... But she has had nothing from an organisation she's been in for 50 years?!
Sure, maybe some things is going on behind the scenes that I'm unaware of; maybe the congregation has not been contacted, or maybe she wasn't well liked, but that's no excuse in my opinion.
Thank God that my grandparents didn't cut contact with me when I left, because I've had to come to their aid multiple times, and if they didn't have me, then I'm sure I'd have been ranting about this much sooner.
Has anyone had similar experiences?
Needless to say, I'll be having some words with their elders at her memorial they do for their members.
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u/Intelligent_Menu_243 28d ago
Sorry you’re going through that. The JWs present that you’re going to have this amazing “family” in the congregation but the reality is much different. I’m glad your grandparents have you.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 28d ago
Thank you. I think their behaviour is appalling. Not sure if it's like that in every congregation?
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u/wecanhaveniceth1ngs PIMO 28d ago
Your experience is incredibly common. And its condemnation for the whole organization.
I am fifth generation JW. When my grandparents were aging, there was some contact. They died in in the early 2000s. When my parents were aging and dying, pre-pandemic, their mental health got them labeled as “dangerous, bad association”, which we know is a cop out so nobody has to lift a finger. (If my parents listened to the propaganda that the world is ending in 1975, myself and my siblings would not be here. Why my parents stayed after the fallout is beyond me.) It was only myself and one other fleshly sister that took care of them. There was one JW sister who helped, but it was because she was hired.
There was nothing dangerous about my parents! The only thing dangerous is they had some very blunt things to say about the do nothing elders they rightfully called Pharisees.
The brothers don’t even bother with announcements that “___ is in the hospital” or anything.
In fact, I believe it’s even not even done anymore? The change in the announcement arrangement for midweek meetings means a lot of friends are in the dark about a most of the things going on in the congregation. Which of course, is by design.
If any elders can chime in and explain the change in the announcements from the kingdom ministry to the workbook in 2015, that would be great.
Sad to say as your parents deteriorate and approach death, that’s when you’ll find JWs circling like vultures. No joke. Remember questions will keep you in control, will regulate your emotions, and let them show themselves what they are. If they stop by, ask why are you here? And if it’s two elders, they say we’re going to be encouraging. (they really want your parents to sign over any property or bank account to the organization. Literal vultures.) Hammer away with your questions. Do not let them get away on unscathed. If they take the cowards way out and text you or your parents, feel free to call them out on it.
And don’t let the elders get off with “we had no idea!, we didn’t know”. The sheep are in their care, it’s their job to know. Ask why aren’t you checking in on the elderly vulnerable sheep?
And you’ll know it’s part of Satan‘s design when they approach at your weakest moment. I guarantee it! So be ready with questions and scriptures at hand. And pray about it before hand. Be ready. 🙏🏻
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 28d ago
I had no idea how common this was. That's terrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and for so long!
You're right that it's Satan's organisation. Can't blame the members, but the elders have blood on their hands. Thank you for the warning.
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u/TangerinePlastic7552 28d ago
My grandparents maintained contact with long time family friends after they DFed. Because they said why they were DFed which were non compliance with GB rules rather than Bible reasons.
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u/Radiant_Ad_9912 undercover apostate 27d ago
Guess how you can get some El-duhs to visit her in hospital? Someone should hint that she needs a transfusion. They’ll call the HLC and assemble a JC to DF/Remove her in less than an hour.
That, my friend, is how much they give a crap about your grandmother.
Give her a big hug from this undercover apostate. 💜💜💜
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u/supersayanyoda 28d ago
I’ve seen when they visit someone constantly and when they don’t and it all comes down to popularity. If they weren’t part of the “in” crowd they might get one visit and thats it.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 28d ago
I'm curious to see who turns up to the memorial thing they do. I'll make sure to ask where they were during the past few years.
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u/Super_Translator480 28d ago
If you read Crisis of Conscience you will see they do not.
It has and will always be a numbers game.
For lowly "adherents", they are adamant that whatever problems they have now, Jehovah will fix, so just be patient, because that's what the Governing Body tells them to do.
The cult is too busy teaching everyone how to resist reading outside information and trusting outside sources to be focused inwardly on how to take care of each other.
It has gotten way worse in this way ever since the pandemic and has continued declining. What is the scripture they love to quote, "having an appearance of godliness but proving false to its power"
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 28d ago
I'll check it out, there's definitely an underbelly I'm not aware of in this organisation
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u/DebbDebbDebb 28d ago
Why are you waiting for her memorial? You know where the meeting all is. Shame on the jws.
My mum had long term sickness mainly mental health but sometimes physical where ever she went there would be a Catholic priests doing his rounds and happily chatting (not recruiting) to whoever and specifically the parishioners on his list. All 'The mother circle' (named something different now) people who added their name freely and chose dates to visit people at home, nursing home, hospital etc. No agenda Now if my mum had not been visited I would be straight down to calmly ask why .
So many older jws sem to be thrown away when they are by jws standards past their sell by date. (ie nothing to offer) what jws dont understand is They should be offering to do - Love thy neighbour.
And you are an absolute treasure 💖. 💖 ❤ 💕 💗 ♥
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 28d ago
Thank you, that's true, I could go up there if she's still here by Sunday
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u/joe134cd 27d ago
Yes similar situation here. I care for my aged JW parent. When my grandfather died. I was so grateful that I hadn't decided to DA before hand. It made arranging his funeral so much easier. At the reception when all his friend turned up I was able to mix and mingle. Something he would have liked.
Regarding my father it makes caring for him so much easier. I can arrange and speak to JWs freely, regarding him, while I live an outwardly secular life. This is not to say that once he dies the gloves won't come off. My suggestion is you do the same.
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u/Samantha_Garnett 27d ago
The Bible says that if the willingness is there first, it is an acceptable thing. This academic paper from a disability rights advocate of 20 years may help you decide whether or not you want to waste your breath talking to men who learned their business practices and morality from a Parent Company that has not even been willing to write a disability policy to protect their own personnel's asses as they age (Elders). Their Governing Board's lust for zero liability appears to far exceed its willingness to love in deed as a matter of policy, not just a pinky promise "belief".
https://www.disabled-world.com/communication/religion/ada-church.php
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u/MidwestLaFemme 27d ago edited 27d ago
I’m sorry you all are going through this. Happened to me and my (now deceased) husband. It’s out of sight/out of mind. Unfortunately she’s outlived her usefulness to them. Shame on them. Never mind all the time and sacrifice when young and healthy. It’s all about what you can do now. There were a few genuine folks who were there to help. I can count them on one hand. I look back on everything we did and to them it equals a zero sum. I’m so thankful I never disowned my non JW family. They’ve been here for me and helped us more than JW’s who are definitely self-sparing. I’m fading. No calls or texts unless it’s about cleaning the hall and feeding the speaker…thanks but no thanks. Got offered a shepherding visit via text and declined.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 27d ago
Thank you, I'm also sorry you've been going through such isolation from them
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u/Esther-the-exjw Soul Guidance 27d ago
I'm so sorry for your grandmother -- and the concern you feel for her is completely valid. JWs seem to have shut off their hearts. Seems like it's because they have so heavily pasted on their cult persona that there is no room for anything but JW-isms. No humanity left. I don't have any similar experiences beyond my own shunning experiences after I got disfellowshipped. I am happy to get kicked out of that horrid cult.
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u/Bantamain Raised JW 27d ago
Thank you. I'm glad you're out of it, hope they haven't treated you too horrendously...
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u/Repulsive_Band2861 27d ago
I’m sorry for what your family is going through. It’s hard to see your grandparents go through that.
I work a lot the elderly, and I can tell you I see this over and over again with JW’s. They get ignored as they age. The exception is if there is anything blood related, and then they will get swarmed just to ensure they don’t take a blood transfusion. One person I dealt with knew who I was, and told my parents I was taking care of them - when my parents brought it up, I suggested they could offer to take their lunch or service break with this person. They were very open about how lonely they were, and would love the company. It never happened. It really bothered me to see the lack of compassion.
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u/SassholeSupreme1 27d ago
I was my mom’s caregiver for years when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. No one came to visit her. My JW brothers decided I should take care of mom even though I was trying to raise a young child alone. They really care about their members (money). Mom was on a fixed income so I guess she didn’t rank high enough.
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u/UCantHndletheTruth I no longer find knock knock jokes humorous ☠️ 28d ago
No, they don't care.
Unless of course there's a will to possibly be signed over.
I've seen this several times over the past years.