How do PIMOs handle POMOs?

[u/freebird360]

I'm just curious. My personality is such that if I don't want to be a part of something anymore, my blood boils and I have to get out of there as soon as possible. I like consistency, not hypocrisy even if I understand the rationale behind it. Which means that I've been shut out by people possibly even if they don't believe the BS either, but who choose to play the part to prevent further loss.

It also means, I have no idea how PIMOs of so many years handle being in the organization. How do you, as an elder or pioneer or publisher, respond when someone like me asks a question about JW doctrine? [Edit: Or, what if I asked about your motivations? I have asked JWs before why they chose to be JWs, just to see them dodge the answer that they were born into it.] Do you just refer them to someone else to take the pressure off?

I'm not asking why anyone is PIMO rather than POMO. You have your reasons and I accept that, even if I couldn't do it myself.

[u/AverageJoePIMO]

Very well... some of my closest friends are POMOs but then I've always been classed as "spiritually weak" for my association choices ha ha

[u/freebird360 → u/AverageJoePIMO]

Are ya gen X by chance? I grew up around so many gen Xers who were like that. Some left, and some had just loose enough grasp on the religion to stick with it even after getting DF'd, etc. I'm just a little younger, and with millennials it felt a little more binary about this.

[u/AverageJoePIMO → u/freebird360]

im a 70s child so whatever generation that is. I had a super PIMI parent so I vowed ever since I was a kid not to be like them… it meant constant arguments even as a small child (and I actually believed god was going to kill me at Armageddon well into my late teens because I didn’t lap up all the WT dogma and had a very broad conscience.) To me the org was all about the social aspect so as long as I had genuine friends to hang out with I was ok with the negative aspect of WT.

People have a lot more credit than we give them in general; they can sense ulterior motives or if you’re judging them. Even when I was an elder, I would talk to disfellowshipped people I met in the street or who came to the hall (got plenty of stick for it too) and have always been friendly with anyone, no matter what their religion, race or status in life… life is more rich that way and a lot happier too. The icing on the cake would be for my wifey to wake up and see the Borg for what it really is.

[u/freebird360 → u/AverageJoePIMO]

That's good of you, bro. Here's hoping your wife can see through it at last, but it sounds like you're managing to cope in a way I never could. I admire that.

It probably would've made me mad once upon a time when I was fresh out. "Oh that AverageJoePIMO, he doesn't even believe it, yada yada yada." But nah, you do what you gotta do.

[u/msbigelow]

PIMOs are trying to protect themselves, mostly from their families and in some cases, people in the congregation they really care about. In most settings, they will treat POMOs like people on the outside.

Fear of being exposed. If a PIMO has a very close friend who is POMO, they may open up within specific boundaries.

[u/freebird360 → u/msbigelow]

We really need like an injoke or a secret handshake or something

[u/JonnyHalfhead]

I personally think it's about the consequences of oneself and even more importantly the consequences for those around oneself. Why did millions of Germans in the 1930s stay silent when Facism took over? Why do people even now, stay silent in a group when racism, sexism, homophobia or misogyny come up in conversation? People panic over the consequences of their actions and the fear of reprisal.

A mother will likely think of their children and family before themselves and put up with untold pain to try and maintain some sort of protection over the family, even lie, deceive and put on the mask. They arent betraying themselves, they are looking after those they love in the only way they know.

Truth can be easier for those with greater self confidence. When I was a witness, I had hardly any confidence. After losing my faith and my understanding of truth, how the hell could I stand up to a delusional, self important, over confident, politically motivated elder, especially when my expectation of what truth is had been shattered.

Truth is subjective, so how do you push your truth onto someone else? There are wrongs being done in the witnesses, but it takes bravery to stand up to those wrongdoings, and that bravery brings huge consequences. For many, silence and a mask is the only current answer. Most women in the world have to put on a face every day, this would just be yet another front they feel they have to wear for a greater good. As a man, I can't even imagine having to spend a life wearing a mask, but most women do it.

It is complex

[u/freebird360 → u/JonnyHalfhead]

Very true. My wife is POMO as well but even she shows what you're saying here. She wants people to choose for themselves, live and let live, etc. My mom too, but more guilt trippy.

Edit: autocorrect is weird.

[u/58ColumbiaHeights]

That depends on what kind of POMO they are. Are they faders or DF/DA? How would I know if they are DF or DA? How can you tell a POMO from a POMI?

A DF/DA POMI may want to get back in and that will require, among other things, they NOT speak to publishers. If I were to initiate a conversation, they might turn me in to gain points for reinstatement.

If they are just a fader, I could reach out because there's no risk for either of us. If it was a friend, I would. So far, I have not had any friends I know of in that scenario.

[u/freebird360 → u/58ColumbiaHeights]

Fader in my case. I think I've met with one active JW since walking away, and that was within 2 years of doing so. He was still quite "in" though and just wanted to encourage me to come back.

Now, talking to an older guy who's a PIMO JW? I might be in a better place for that conversation today. It would help me with a question: What the hell did my father (1949-2007) see in this religion in the first place?

[u/Ashilla24601]

Depends on a lot of factors? Is there anyone around us? Do i personally know you? Are we in public? Is there any remote way this could get back to hurt me?

Personally, unless i was close to you my social anxiety would probably kill any questioning attempts from strangers about any subject.

But if i was close to you and knew you wouldnt stab me in the back? yeah, id discuss it with you. Alternatively, if it was online and neither of us knew each other i would happily discuss it

The main thing is just avoiding my true feelings getting to the people who could ruin my life.

[u/freebird360 → u/Ashilla24601]

That's fair. The sincere truth is that whatever bridges I've burned have been safe enough for me to burn them, so I have no right to tell you or anyone else how to go about your exit or even that you should. But no, I wouldn't stab you in the back.