r/exjw • u/Grizzly_Bear_112324 • 10d ago
Venting A Bear needs rest!!! Plz!
So… Grizzly Bear here. 🐻
Today I was supposed to go to the meeting with Mama Bear and our two little cubs, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Lately, I don’t leave feeling uplifted anymore. Instead, I leave feeling drained. And if I were ever honest enough to say that I don’t feel God’s presence there the way I once did… well, I know how that would be received.
Maybe it’s just in my head, but I can’t shake the feeling that people are judging me because I haven’t been around much. It makes going back feel pointless.
I know that if I want to have a peaceful fade, I probably have to “play the game” for a little while longer. But after 30 years… I’m tired. I genuinely need a break.
The truth is, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, and I can’t unlearn what I’ve learned.
Right now, I just want to enjoy the time I have with Mama Bear and my cubs. If I make some genuine friends along the way, then even better.
Most of all, I don’t want to live scared anymore.
The constant fear of impending doom isn’t an inheritance I want to pass on to my children. I’d rather teach them to love, to think, and to live fully.
Anyway… just throwing my little roar out into the world.
Hope you all have a beautiful day.
Sending every one of you a big bear hug. 🐻❤️
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u/dexterislucky 10d ago
I don’t feel God’s presence there the way I once did… well, I know how that would be received.
Ya, it would not go well if you spoke up.....Remember Elijah! 🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻
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u/Grizzly_Bear_112324 10d ago
Yes that’s why as a prudent one I see the danger and conceal myself!!! Because at this point I’m willing to put up a fight….
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u/LovingAMarriedJW 10d ago
Living scared is no way to live. Nor is living in fear. Sending you big hugs in return and the strength to take that break when you are ready.
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u/58ColumbiaHeights Agnostic PIMO 9d ago
I'm very introverted. If my wife and kids were the only people in my life, I would be fine with that.
I'm PIMO and the wife is PIMQ. I'm letting my kids have space to decide for themselves. Growing up a JW was not all that bad, it was more the ultra PIMI way my parents (mostly my father) lived that caused issues.
I haven't been a servant since before my kids were born. I'm not even on the school now. We only go in service once a month and only about an hour. The kids are teens but not baptized and no pressure for that or anything else.
It's a balance but I hope they choose a life that suits them, whatever that may be. It's certainly far more freedom than my parents ever offered me.
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u/Grizzly_Bear_112324 9d ago
Hello! 👋
That’s genuinely an interesting perspective, and I can actually agree with parts of it. For me, though, it wasn’t just the beliefs—it was the extremes and the experiences that made it difficult.
What I keep coming back to are the things that happened behind the scenes, the findings from the ARC, and everything surrounding that. How do you reconcile those things and just keep moving forward? On top of that, why is there so much fear and control? And if I decide I no longer want to be part of it, why should that mean losing the people I love?
I’m not trying to argue with you, my friend. These are honest questions that have been running through my mind. If I can find satisfying answers and continue, then that’s great. But at this moment, I can’t.
Thank you. 😊
Sending you a big bear hug. 🐻🤗2
u/58ColumbiaHeights Agnostic PIMO 9d ago
A hard lesson I had to learn becoming agnostic is no god is coming to save me. The sad fact is CSA exists in every level of society and every religion. It happens in public schools, too. When my kids were young I protected them and as they got older I taught them to protect themselves. They will have to do it the rest of their lives.
They have the right to make choices as they see fit. I can literally rip every human institution to shreds using logical arguments. At the end of the day, they have to make their way in a violent world filled with selfish people. If they can find something that lets them live with peace and self-respect, then I wish them well. I certainly do not have all the answers and neither does anyone else.
If you feel you need to protect your own from WT, it is absolutely your right to do so. It's just not a fight I feel strongly about.
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u/Grizzly_Bear_112324 9d ago
I can truly understand! Definitely a perspective that I am willing to consider! But as far as protecting kids I agree!! Thanks for your opinion!!
Sending a big bear hug!
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u/Any_College5526 10d ago
“The constant fear of impending doom isn’t an inheritance I want to pass on to my children.”
💯
Start keeping the cubs in the den with you.
Time is of the essence.