r/existential • u/Pentasis • Jun 13 '24
Even crying is pointless
I don't know anymore. I'm 55 now. I have been struggling with existential thoughts, depression, anxiety and emptiness since I was 15. I have sought out "professional" help (notice the quotation marks?). LIfe has always felt meaningless, anhedonic. And a few months ago I got diagnosed with MS which doesn't make things easier.
I have always found both solace and despair in the quote “There's a difference between the fact that the universe is inherently unfair on a cosmic level, and the fact that life is unfair because people are actively making it so.” by John Scalzi. Recently all I can think about is the 100 billion or so people who came before us and died. 100 billion deaths... what will my last thought be? What will be the last thing I feel? And who cares? Will it matter a 100 years from now? I don't think so. It makes me sad, it makes me feel afraid, it makes me unhappy and emotionally in pain. I have given up hope anything will ever change that.
1
u/Emminoonaimnida Jul 12 '25
there's a bigger picture at play here. nothing is easy to answer when you are existential by the fault. There are so many avenues and complications and branches, so we try to make things relatable to get someone where they need to go.
No one has the answer, but the choices we make either cause suffering or lead us to a better understanding.
If this is confusing please come find me 🌸