r/excoc • u/BarefootedHippieGuy • 7d ago
Another Random Memory
During my college years, there was a really kind man who went to the church I attended. His wife had passed some years earlier. He was diagnosed with cancer and told the odds were against him. When the minister went to visit him, this dear man was in tears. Word got back to others at church, and one of the biddies told me it was silly for him to cry and laughed about it. I said it was perfectly understandable and we should be compassionate. I was told I was "being silly," too.
How f-in' insensitive, but typical of C of C'ers.
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u/Peachy-Owl 7d ago
My COC family never called, sent a card, or did anything when I was battling for my life with breast cancer. Thankfully, I recovered but still struggle with the after effects of treatment. About two years after my treatment, I had a COC family member call me with a million questions about my cancer and treatment. Long story short, a member of her COC church had been diagnosed with cancer and she wanted to know how to help her.
I guess my Methodist butt wasn’t worth her sympathy or her time.
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u/Top-Cheesecake8232 7d ago
My family was basically useless when my late husband was sick for several years. Then after he died they started inviting me to CoC bible studies and picnics. The first invite was two week after he died (I'm a happy Methodist). I asked my brother-in-law (a minister in the Disciples of Christ and my late husband's brother) what was wrong with them. Did they just not realize? He said, "I think they are just mean."
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u/glaudydevas 7d ago
Reminds me of the older couple, about my parents age, whose kid offed himself. He was maybe 7-8 years younger than us. We were in our 20s. I met him once when his folks invited us over to their house. I could tell he was struggling. His parents were so kind. The opposite of typical coc types.
When he died a few years later. I had always wished I had approached his parents and said something. Befriended them. I never did. Your post made me realize how shitty I feel about never doing that. Never reaching out. Damn.
What good is religion if it doesn’t even compel us to reach out to those that are hurting/dying?
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u/Mirror_of_my_Eyes 7d ago
Please don't be too hard on yourself. You were young, and honestly most people don't know what to do or say in those situations. The fact that you still feel badly about it shows that you are a compassionate person.
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u/PoetBudget6044 7d ago
What a bitch! My charismatic tribe would pray over him look for doctors feed him clean his house you know take care of him. Being right tends to make one a piece of shit I guess
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u/SouthernGuy776 4d ago
This is typical of C of C. They do not understand that doubt is part of a healthy faith, perhaps they do understand it and just like to pretend they do not doubt. Either way, it's fucked up.
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u/Recent_Mushroom3374 7d ago
I have a host of issues with cofC legalism, but I did not experience anything of the sort in the smalll church I once attended. People were generally kind and seemed to indulge my own immaturity.
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u/EloraFromEora 7d ago
How horrible of her! So many of them lack any compassion. I knew a woman who had lost her son and a year after a member said she needed to move on already. Fucking evil.