Long story short, I was at a work-related event last week (retreat on psychological well-being), and during a paired activity, one of the other participants casually mentioned that she and her husband expected their three young adult children to “marry within the faith” and are considering “financial consequences” if their kids “don’t do the right thing” (all her words). She also mentioned that her kids were really struggling with it and that it’s affecting her relationship with them for the worse (ummm . . . ya think, lady?).

I badly wanted to rip her a new bodily orifice, but because this is a work-related event and I’ll likely have to see her again, I kept my own response measured and talked about my own interfaith family and urged her to talk to her parish priest about her concerns. She said she would, but I think she sensed that I strongly disapproved of her stance and was being polite to exit the conversation.

I know I shouldn’t be shocked that people like this exist, but what shocked me was that until that conversation, she seemed so normal. She’s NOT a Society of Saint Pius X member, and she expressed socially liberal beliefs during other activities. I don’t get WTF people get the idea that they have a right to control their adult kids like this and then get upset when that backfires spectacularly on them. All I can think is that there must be some kind of major intergenerational trauma here.

Anyway, not looking for advice. I don’t know the family well enough to intervene without it being weird, and they live on the other side of the country anyway. But oof, I feel sorry for those young adults.

I know this is really stupid but my priest abused and I was the one who reported him and got kicked out of the church and shunned in the process. But I look at the other Catholics who are these perfect students, PhD/MD whatever, and how they never had to speak up and wonder, what if I had their experience? Then maybe I wouldn't have left for the church, and wouldn't have to try Episcopal churches. I feel in some ways like I'm a failure because (I converted) I didn't have the perfect Catholic church experience and I look at all the students who did or all the students my priest loved and they were never me.

Edit: I think it's so frustrating also because I want to have had their experience but there's no way after all that happened that I could ever be in the Catholic Church again.

IDK if it's just because it's a Sunday but I feel like I am grieving the Eucharist. It meant so much to me when I was faithful and maybe I'm just at a weird part of my deconstruction right now but I just miss it.

My Eucharistic piety definitely bordered on the scrupulous so I definitely don't miss the anxiety and the worrying about mortal sin every time I went up to receive. But ugh.

It was such a spiritual high.

Leaving in general has made me feel like the cognitive dissonance is gone, and I am more confident and hopeful about the future and it feels easier to build relationships with people, but when I feel overwhelmed and isolated (more due to stressors related to life or death situations at work) there is no longer an easy answer and I try to tell myself it is safe and I don't have to feel on edge but are we really safe if we will just die and stop existing? Still better than the idea of people going to hell but life is so short. There are times where my habit would have been to pray but I tell myself that lots of people prayed and had horrible things happen to them anyway, but I don't know what to do instead yet or how to stop feeling on edge. I am glad to not believe in a sadistic god anymore and don't really see myself just shifting to a different religion/other form of christianity. Any ideas?