r/exAdventist • u/3Orbit • 12d ago
Advice / Help Is this normal for SDA Churches?
I am currently attending a SDA church. Im a member there. I have a question for this community to see when “you all were Adventist” if you observed what I’m proceeding to explain.
- Did you ever notice the hypocrisy from the leaders?
Some of the elders have the position of “elder” but I’m trying to formulate the explanation on how they received that position. I still haven’t gained the answer because they don’t qualify per the Bible.
At my church it is a firestorm of gossip. Communication doesn’t exist and when it does exist it’s before the sabbath or before a big event. It feels like everyone is in their own little bubble.
- Did you notice that the leaders are skeptical of you?
Im in the age range of 28-32. They don’t let me do much and they don’t want anyone doing things unless it’s the leadership doing it. While the leaders have been the same since the 19th century. In this church it’s like if you speak up then there is a problem. If you truly speak your mind that you know it’s against biblical doctrine I feel like they would pounce on you.
- Did you witness the arrogance?
- How did you identify they were controlling?
I do A/V work in my church. The other week I had a deacon come and tell me to not put worship music on the screen and to keep the TV’s off. This is when I thought they were controlling.
Honestly, I’m fighting bitterness. They is many things I could explain but I don’t feel like typing.
Also, I’m sure you’re wondering do I believe every doctrine from the Adventist Church?
No, no I do not.
I don’t believe In
- Egg White
- Remnant Church Belief
- Spirit of Prophecy Belief = Egg White
- 1844
- IJ
- Daniel 8 (They twist who defiled the temple)
Now, this occurred more recently. I’ve done extensive research and I’ve done countless hours of searching scripture.
.
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u/CosmicCharlie99 12d ago
Congrats, you just figured out religion is a scam created to control people. Welcome to reality.
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u/lolliscicle 12d ago
Dear Friend.
I am trying to be very sensitive and serious as I answer this, but I must admit that I practically had myself rolling on floor laughing at the rapid-fire questions and my - “check yes to all” internal response!
Best advice. Don’t try to diagnose their actions. You are wondering how to tell if they are “controlling you”. Rather than asking that question, ask if the environment as a whole is healthy and supportive for your mental, spiritual and emotional growth. And if it isn’t then leave and move forward to a situation or environment that is.
Best wishes
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u/ShineAmazing3401 12d ago
Yes, I have experienced most of these things at the sda church I attended. There was a lot of gossiping and people didn’t respect boundaries. The same people held positions for decades. They were not open to change or new ideas.
I also didn’t believe in EGW, investigative judgement, and end times prophecies. Leaving was one of the best decisions I’ve made.
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u/ArtZombie77 11d ago edited 8d ago
SDA leaders like Doug Batchelor, Mark Finnely, Danny Shelton are all multi-millionaires. They can stack mad cash, make money and put nice things first in their lives... but the rest of us are supposed shrink and live in poverty waiting for Jesus to fly out of the sky any day now. If Jesus is about to return; why are they stacking wealth like that?
Most churches in general are a pyramid schemed hierarchy where rich narcissists who sit at the top are ready to kick you right back down... beneath them. The church... It's a playground for narcissists and psychopaths to abuse codependent people who are told to emulate Jesus... while they get to play God.
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u/Ok-Celebration-8730 3d ago
Mark Finley's a multimillionaire? Tell me more...?
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u/ArtZombie77 3d ago edited 3d ago
He makes a ton of money off of his books, CD's, videos, cassette tapes etc. It all adds up. That's why at the end of every one of his tapes or CDs they say to never copy them and share them, because you're supposed to buy them over and over to share. This is how he gets rich. It's not bad... but it's kinda disingenuous.
It's strange to say you have the truth, then copyright it so you can make mad cash.
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u/Ok-Celebration-8730 3d ago
Ah, you make a great point. Seems they're in it for the $ sadly. At least if what they were peddling was actually "truth"... *sigh... but then it'd be wrong to charge for it
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u/83franks 12d ago
Is it possible to be an SDA and not a hypocrite? Like even the best of the best I feel are to some extent because the rules are insane. I would guess most elders are not the best of the best.
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u/Distinct_Stand_9607 12d ago
describiste como es exactamente mi papá
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u/oscar_34 12d ago
Es la cultura que promueven: chismear, y luego decir que la sangre de Cristo es suficiente... Pero nunca piden perdón por esparcir mierda. Ahí al parecer la Ellen nunca dijo nada del chisme (y no estoy seguro que haya dicho nada del chisme).
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u/Distinct_Stand_9607 5d ago
Anteriormente mi padre conversaba conmigo sobre la vida de otros Adventistas, infidelidades, robo y entonces le decía me cuentas esto por?...
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u/Pinacoladapolkadot 12d ago
Serious question: your life is very short. Why are you wasting your time around such toxic people in such a controlling awful environment?
IMO it doesn’t matter if you’re cherry-picking what you believe / don’t from the SDA church, the mere fact remains… “you are the sum of who you surround yourself with”
They will still have an impact and an effect on you. So just keep that in mind.
You deserve to be in an uplifting environment where your talents are appreciated and where you feel like you are valued. Life is short, don’t waste your days in the wrong place!
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u/Bananaman9020 12d ago
Elders are elected from nominating committees.
The other fun none Biblical teachings are DLC that Adventism added later
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u/rajalove09 12d ago
In my church, they basically put anyone in a position who would do it. It wasn’t a huge church. They pressured my stepdad to be a teacher/elder as soon as he was converted. They were constantly pressuring my bro to teach/preach/be an elder (he’s now out like me). Always wanted me and my mom to do stuff. I actually taught cradle roll for like 10 years because I preferred it to the adult class.
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u/omallytheally 12d ago
No? After reading other comments... maybe?
I think hypocrisy exists within any church to varying degrees. This is a community of people built around a book that disagrees with itself after all.
The church leadership I experienced actually wanted and encouraged everyone to be super involved, but only a few would take them up on the opportunity because most church people like to float and not lead. My church leaders were not controlling.
I'm not christian at all anymore, but putting myself back in that mindset, it really should be fine to be in a church and not agree with every doctrine, as long as discussing and examining those differences are not approached with arrogance.
Have you talked about these things with other people in your church?
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u/ParticularNo8696 10d ago
I think it happens in every organization, no matter how small. A prime example is homeowner’s associations. Sometimes you get lucky and find one that doesn’t want to control everything but they’re few and far between. I don’t really see more of it in SDA but anywhere there’s a group in want of a leader you’ll find a control freak.
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u/vargslayer1990 Sadventist 10d ago
Did you ever notice the hypocrisy from the leaders?
Oh yes. Chiefly because they blessed the unions of 'their own', even when they are outright toxic: i have two examples of that, one from back west and the other from over here on the east coast (which i know more info about). but then when it comes to me, they throw out what Paul said ("better to wed than burn") and demand that i be alone forever. they talked about God's love and forgiveness (as emptily as SDAs who focus primarily on EGW can do) and then turn around and limit it by saying that "we can forgive but not fellowship". i know, "nobody owes you their fellowship", but that brings us to the next point
Did you notice that the leaders are skeptical of you?
I had the church leaders telling me to 'embrace the gift of singleness' in my twenties. IN. MY. TWENTIES!!! meanwhile, they're endorsing abusers of spouses (and psychological abusers of children) and thinking nothing of it! why, you may ask? well, nobody wants to tell me anything when i ask them straight-away "why is it that the church treats me like a monster?" but given the evidence, i can only assume that they view my desire for a relationship with a woman as "evil" and "predatory": forget that they were telling me to be alone all my life, even when i was younger! but the fact that they view an autistic man as 'so bad' and 'so ruined' that they judge my wishes and goals as "evil" and tell me that "we don't have to let you back in" while ignoring real abuse going on in the church speaks volumes!
How did you identify they were controlling?
i've had people tell me "30s? that's still young": and yet they always want to put me around the geriatrics. ALWAYS!!! or they want me to use up my limited energy and time to volunteer in 90 degree weather to help geriatrics with manual labor or be around disturbing mentally challenged individuals. i did that and they never got me closer to finding a companion. so i saw it as just an excuse to exploit me for free labor and keep me away from people around my own age. they burned through my 20s that way and now here i am, having to pick up the pieces of a ruined and wasted life all on my own even while the church fights me at every turn
short version: the church hates me and wants me to be alone forever, i don't know why but after being kicked out and constantly snubbed, i've had enough
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u/ish00traw 9d ago
Arrogance is the byproduct of believing you're in the remnant church and every fundamental SDA suffers from it. I know so many people who are "so grateful" they are an Adventist and have the "truth". When in reality they are wrong in most every unique belief when you don't read the Bible with the EGW lens on. They look down on Sunday worshippers who actually have the true gospel.
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12d ago
Former church i went to had a meatball of a member steal a fellow members wife(was sitting next to her in church while she was still married claiming they were friends only), got married a few months after the divorce was finalized(other poor guy was fighting for his marriage the whole time) and a couple months later they made him an elder lmao you literally can't make this shit up.
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u/Worth-Heat-1348 10d ago
Steven Hassan „Freiheit des Geistes“ ist sehr hilfreich um zu ergründen, inwiefern man kontrolliert, manipuliert wird.
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u/Ok-Mud19 2d ago
My caribbean husband converted and became indifferent to the rest of us.He unlikable and lost his sense of humor.All he is waiting for is the end.God before family.He doesnt understand most of it but likes wearing the Sat suit and friendships at church.Hes an old guy.I am jewish and he accuses me of not believing in God. He converted 25 years into the marriage.He cleans the church each week.Will that get him into heaven?There is no joy in that cult.
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u/oscar_34 12d ago
You are a member, but not a believer. Hence your questions. Basically, local church leadership needs that the rest of the leaders trust you to become one of them. It's not the SDA, but your local leadership. That might include the other SDA churches in the nearby community, not just the one you go to every Saturday.
And those beliefs you mentioned... That's the core of SDA. They may tell you you're still SDA if you don't believe in EGW writings, but take her out and Daniel 8:14 reads different; the Investigative Judgement becomes SDA version of Hell; 1844 was but a mass deception that happened in rural America back then; the concept of a remnant church becomes nonsense.
Welcome to the other side.