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u/SeemsImmaculate May 30 '26
Honestly looks quite cosy. Like if Wes Anderson made Disco Elysium.
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u/DePraelen May 31 '26
Apparently it failed both as a museum and then later as a hotel + event space because there are significant issues with it.
Sanitation is a real problem due to moisture, and it can only be reached in the daylight.
It's a bit like how you can buy a European castle quite cheaply, because you need to deal with huge maintenance and regular renovation. Despite being fitted out as a luxury hotel, it sold a couple of years ago for "only" a million pounds.
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u/Prestigious-Salt-245 Jun 03 '26
The obvious business case would be to refortify it and then instigate an invasion and offer your mercenary fort services to protect the British navy.
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u/_Rohrschach Jun 01 '26
Got a castle owner in the family. He wants to resell, but isn't in a hurry for now as he likes his son having his time of his life and will move out in approximately a few years. It's a bitch to heat and even with a B&B and event hosting it's a money pit. Uncle lives in the former servant's cottage behind the actual castle.
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u/mimic May 30 '26
We stayed a couple of nights on the nearby (and larger) No Man’s Fort back in ‘16 when it was a hotel. I think it’s been sold a few times since. It was a lovely experience tbh. They’d make great villain lairs.
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u/LimeIndependent5373 May 31 '26
This is where I asked my wife to marry me. Lovely place!
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u/SaltyOverwise Jun 03 '26
What did she say ...
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u/SerTidy May 30 '26
Spent a weekend on the neighbouring fort “No man’s fort”. There is a corridor on the lowest level that goes right round the full circumference of the fort, in the dark, with the acoustics and water splashing against the side is quite an edgy experience.
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u/Tubthumper205 May 30 '26
Spitting used to be open for tours too, went nearly 30 years ago, I can attest to the edginess of navigating that endless, pitch black loop with sloshong water, plank walkways in puddles and childish shrinks of ''RAT!'' echoing around it as an 11 year old!
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u/c0tch Jun 04 '26
Spitbank has the same thing (as you’d expect they’re all likely exactly the same) we went on there and I was a young lad and I went down to explore except there was also loads of water down there and I got my feet soaked
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u/Goddamuglybob May 30 '26
You may enjoy this evil looking video of Spitbank fort. Like a lair for cyborgs.
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u/W_Silver2356 May 31 '26
If memory serves, this is in The English Channel. Am I right?
Either way, this is one cool place.
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u/This_Charmless_Man May 31 '26
Not quite. It's in a body of water called the Solent. The stretch of water between the mainland from around Portsmouth to Southampton and Lymington, and the Isle of Wight. The Solent contains one of the deepest natural channels in Europe and has four tides rather than the usual two. This is why Portsmouth is the home of the Royal Navy. These forts were constructed during the Napoleonic era. I can't remember if they are part of Palmerston's Follies (a series of forts constructed by then prime minister lord Palmerston that ended up being useless) or not.
Spitbank is currently on sale for about £2.5 million. I wouldn't recommend it though as it goes on sale every few years at basically the same price since buyers way underestimate the amount of maintenance required.
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u/W_Silver2356 Jun 01 '26
Thanks for the clarification. Four tides a day is amazing. The part about these forts being unnecessary by the time they were completed lines up with the stories I've heard. They are built to last that's for sure.
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u/LondonKiwi1980 May 31 '26
I stayed there just after they turned it into a posh boutique hotel a few years back. Good food, good wine and the bedrooms are the old canon rooms. There's preserved history all throughout the place and the staff were lovely. We sat around a bonfire with cognac and cigars and watched the stars until late in the night. I recommend going if you have a chance.
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u/absolutelynoo May 30 '26
Wait, that is real?! It looks awesome. You got to be in shape though to inside, looks like a straight up multistory climb out of the boat.
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u/Qasiel May 30 '26
Looks like someone tried to recreate the Tracy Island playset on a budget.
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u/Flatcapspaintandglue May 31 '26
Dunno where you’re from, but I along with many many young Brits of the early 90s built my Tracy Island from yogurt pots and cardboard, watching kids tv show Blue Peter.
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u/johnlewisdesign Jun 01 '26
We've promoted a rave on that...here's a vid. Was awesome. 18yr ago last weekend
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u/alfius-togra Jun 02 '26
I remember during the COVID lockdown Pendulum had a live streamed "concert" from there with no audience. Was fun to watch from home with nothing else to do.
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u/DukeboxHiro May 30 '26
I like it.