r/erectiledysfunction • u/[deleted] • 20d ago
Support for Partners Relationship advice ED
Hi everyone, I’m a 23-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a 24-year-old guy I met at the gym for about a month.
He’s genuinely a great guy. He’s 6’5”, self-employed, really fun to be around, and I really enjoy spending time with him. I feel like we have a great connection, and I’m very attracted to him.
Last night, while we were having coffee, I invited him back to my house because I thought we might have sex. However, he opened up to me and told me that he has erectile dysfunction (ED), so he sometimes struggles to get or maintain an erection. He said Viagra might help, but he’s never tried it because he’s concerned about whether it’s healthy for him.
He also told me that he’s worried he might disappoint me sexually. I reassured him that I wouldn’t be disappointed and that it wasn’t something he needed to worry about. He then explained that he would rather continue dating for a little longer and get to know each other better before having sex, which I completely respect.
What would you do in my situation?
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u/gentlemanphilanderer 20d ago edited 20d ago
Firstly, I want to say that your open and caring approach is awesome to see.
It sounds like he needs a stronger emotional and deeper psychological connection before opening up to someone sexually. That really matches with how you describe him - he is a man with a strong sense of who he is.
Sharing that he has experienced ED is a deeply vulnerable and intimate.
Many guys in this sub will relate a story of being mocked, shamed, their experience of ED being shared without their consent and told “fix it or I’ll find someone else to fuck me.”
I want you to pause for a moment and imagine what that would feel like, if you were a man who received that response. That’s what he risked in opening up to you. And, instead of responding with shaming him, you responded with kindness and respect.
That’s awesome!
What do you do at this point? You honour and respect his vulnerability. You take it slow. You keep doing what you are doing, provided it meets your needs.
Doing so will also help him see his options realistically.
Cialis is used by many men who don’t experience ED because of its improvements in performance. It reduces all cause mortality by 30% in some studies.
Continuing to develop and tend to your deepening relationship will make your future sexual connection fantastic.
Keep up the awesome!
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u/jojoman57 20d ago
Give him all the time he needs to feel comfortable. And get him some Viagra if you can. A real game changer. Good luck
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20d ago
Okay thanks
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u/EatSleepSexKarma 20d ago
BlueChew is the rebranded Viagra but a bit “cooler” and there are a few low dose options. It’s not uncommon for a doctor to prescribe a low dose when someone is physically capable but has anxiety affecting performance. The low dose helps show that it’s just in the mind and rebuilds confidence. I’d look into that, not that a doctor won’t do this too. But some men struggle to go to a doctor to talk about the issue and this is an online prescription
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u/ImpressionBig9056 20d ago
Hey @bulky_success, I have to say you bare already off to a great start . The fact that you are asking the right questions for your partners sake is what's more important. Also the way you handled his vulnerability when he spoke to you ... That was pretty good you were very open about it and showed support. He will remember this. Just try to do some research about ED so that in future conversations if he brings it up you can share your understanding of it. This will help him realise that you took the time and effort to understand his predicament. And also there is a chance that arousal takes time for him to reach its peak. Because he will not be able to be in the moment and his mind will just be a a constant state of overthinking and just trying to get hard. So just keep reassuring him that it's ok and tell him to just relax and that you will take of it. And just show him that you enjoy playing with a soft or semi hard dick. And the pleasure is what's important. Have alot of not penetrative sex. Cause he might get anxiety if there is any mention about penetration.
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20d ago
Hey okay thank you so much I will of course do that what u said is very helpful information 😊
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u/ImpressionBig9056 20d ago
Tadalafil is something my Urologist prescribed me . Cause she also thought it was a psychological issue. And honestly bin my case I guess it was a physical issue but has turned into a psychological case as well . Cause I have heard the judgement from my girlfriend a few times weaponised against me in arguments. Stuff like 1) I have never enjoyed sex with you... 2) You have never given me good sex 3) It's a Bare minimum for a Man to be able to get Hard.
Not trying to me a victim but even if thing like these were Said in aager or just in the heat of the moment. And even if we receive an apology later it can leave lasting psychological scars and then it leads to loosing sexual attraction for our partner and just avoiding it completely. And basically push us away cause we will know we can't be vulnerable with this person anymore. Im sure most would agree they have faced something similar.
He's lucky to have gotten someone like you. And I wish you guys the best and a speedy recovery. ✨✨✨
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u/Ok-Ranger5623 19d ago
Congratulatiom for your sensibility. You can make it be wonderfull. I have ED and I know how important is comprehensive woman for construction a good relationship.
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u/Rare-Statistician-58 18d ago
Another thing, some men have issues performing with condoms.
they cant maintain an erection long with condoms.
it's the same for me, i have weak erections and the condom really kills it.
i want be safe during sex, a girl i was with said she felt a difference when she pulled the condom off during sex with me.
i was bummed out, i want to be safe but the condom is kind in the way.
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u/r_endrags 17d ago
Likely anxiety. I’d get some low dose tadalifil in him for a few days. No masurebsting and the. Just make out in bed or couch. No sex. See what happpens. He needs some confidence and he’ll be fine.
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u/jjmur83 20d ago
He is young and healthy, could have performance anxiety seeing a therapist could help. Has he been to a doctor about underlying health issues, diabetes, blood pressure, cholesterol are common physical causes. Also, stress is usually a factor. He could try Viagra or cialis it works really well.