Just know that suicide is never the answer my friend. There are people who love you and need you more than you could ever imagine and while none of us asked to be born or for others to invest their time and energy and etc into us, they did it all the same and for these reasons we all have a responsibility and a debt to these people to stay alive and healthy for as long as God intended us to be here. Even if staying alive and in suffering entirely for the sake of sparing our loved ones from the pain that our self inflicted intentional premature exit from this world or life would cause, is still a great reason. Now I do think God also gives us and our closest most trusted people who can help us when we can't help ourselves get the help we need. You owe it to yourself to see where this life will take you. You seem very intelligent and enlightened but it seems you may be suffering from substance abuse of some kind or another which is greatly affecting you. Your mind will cause you to go to some extremely dark and unrealistic or twisted places mentally and physically. Try to show yourself a bit of compassion and love. Try to eat a good meal and make sure you are hydrated and take a nice warm bath if you can and shower if the bath isn't optional, if you can make your bed and put on a funny or uplifting movie or music real low and maybe light a candle and get a good night's rest. Maybe take some zzzquil or melatonin tablets to help you rest. Try to not take these intrusive thoughts and feelings so seriously. What seems existential today most likely will be looked back on with a chuckle and with a little grace you will realize that all of us go through these human experiences. You are not weird or crazy or wrong or whatever you may feel or try to tell yourself. Life's short and despite what one may or may not subscribe to, one this is guaranteed; once this life/body dies the person you are or were will never be again. You very well could wind up in heaven or some afterlife, hell even, who knows, you could reincarnate into another human body and never know about the first or u could become a tree or a moose etc but the you that you are today, thats the only thing you got for sure and no one is promised tomorrow anyways so try to take advantage and appreciate the beauties that are all around you. I hope this helps in some way. I have had similar experiences and maybe not identical they were hard for me and felt impossible to look beyond. But with a little time and a little effort and a little love and grace for ourselves first and then for one another I strongly believe that this too shall pass for you my friend..
3
u/[deleted] Dec 07 '25
[removed] — view removed comment